Woken Up
by Authoress on Fire
Summary: "How can we be 'well-adjusted' if we didn't have childhoods to adjust FROM?" Finale of my 'Dreaming' series. Rated for drug use, very mild sex, and beautiful yaoi lemons.
1. Video Game Rivalry

**Kball: There is no way I would leave the story with just the end of the session.**

**Kball: You guys didn't think I _would_, did you?**

**Kball: [Disclaimer: Homestuck is owned in full by Andrew Hussie. I only own my OCs and...future...OCs. ;)]**

* * *

_**== Prince of Mind: Play** **Video Games.**_

"Matt...how do you think Drew would feel about me and...and Sollux?"

I shrugged, deciding on my next move. "I dunno...he's _Drew._ How do _you_ think he'd react?"

After we beat Sburb, no one could quite remember what happened. We found ourselves living in New York City, four years later. Carlisle a high school senior, the rest of us at least twenty.

One night, Sollux and I took a crack at the math to figure our ages. Dan, Karkat, Tavros, and Gamzee were 20; Sollux, Eridan, Kathryn, and Kanaya were 22; and the rest of us were 21.

Curiously, the age needed for my weekend late-night alcohol binges to become barely legal.

Dan sunk into the cushions of mine and Janice's couch. He'd taken up playing Gamecube with me after dinner most nights. Who knew he was a Pokemon nerd, too?

"If I _knew_ that, Matt, I wouldn't have asked you." His voice was uncharacteristically sullen. Almost rude.

We'd been keeping his little relationship with Sollux a secret from Drew ever since Sburb ended. Dan claimed it was because Drew didn't have any need to know his business, but we knew he was just scared Drew wouldn't approve.

"I don't understand why you let him rule your life." Finally deciding, I had my Flareon use Flamethrower on Dan's Lickitung. We were playing _Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness._ "You're a big boy now, Dan...you'd think he would see that by now."

Dan shook his head. "No, Matt...he...Drew just wants what's best for me." He had Lickitung use Lick. Obviously, Dan wasn't on his A-Game.

"What if Sollux _is_ what's best for you, though, and Drew doesn't think so?" One more Flamethrower and Lickitung was done. Dan sent out his Clefable.

"I just...I don't want Drew being mad at me. He's the only big brother I got..." Clefable used Water Pulse and put Flareon out.

Swearing under my breath, I sent out my Medicham. She used Hi Jump Kick and missed.

"Look, Dan, part of growing up means _cutting the umbilical cord._" Clefable put Medicham to sleep with Sing. Damn. "I mean, Christ, you two may have shared a womb in some other universe, but come _on._"_  
_

Dan scoffed. "You're one to talk!" Medicham didn't wake up, so he used Flamethrower. "You cling to my sister like you'd die without her!"

"That's different." She still didn't wake up. Dan's next Flamethrower attack brought her dangerously close to fainting.

"You _know_ it's not!" Dan practically pounded on the controller buttons, using one more Flamethrower. Medicham fainted.

In frustration, I threw my controller. "That's _it!_" I exclaimed. "If you're gonna be like this, fine!" I got up off the couch and turned off the Gamecube.

Dan scoffed again, standing up. "Fine, _bitch._" He stormed out of the apartment.

Don't you guys get worried; he does this prima donna act almost every week. Then he comes over a few days later and we laugh our asses off.

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Drew._**

**_== Knight of Space: Be__ Suspicious._**

"Hey, Vris...I think Dan might have a secret little girlfriend."

Vriska snickered, throwing a pillow at me. "You're crazy, Drew. Dan's a horrible liar."

We shared one bedroom in Dan and Sollux's two bedroom apartment. It turns out neither of them could cook worth a shit, so they needed someone to keep them living besides Ronald McDonald and Lays.

I rolled over on my back, staring up at the shitty paint job Dan had done on the ceiling. "Well, why do you think he hangs out with the dick, Matt so much? He's obviously sneaking out somewhere else."

"You know, there's just a _chaaaaaaaance_ that they might _actually_ be friends, Drew." I could practically taste her sarcasm.

"Ugh." I sighed, glancing over at the clock on the bedside table. "Speaking of my brother and his supposed playdate, shouldn't he be home by now? Usually he's back before Sollux."

Sollux had taken a Genius Bar job at an Apple store downtown a few months back. He claimed that passive-aggressively screwing with those technologically challenged morons gave him amusement.

We all knew it was a matter of time before he'd take up helping fix other people's shitty electronics.

Right on cue, the apartment door opened and the slammed shut, and a high little boy's voice bluntly shouted, "_Home!_" Then another door opened and was violently slammed, then something(presumably Dan) slid down against the door.

Dan is the reason we can't have nice door.

Vriska whistled. "Damn...looks like someone's had a bad night."

"Yeesh. Tell me about it." I turned on the TV, and started channel surfing.

When I stopped on ABC Family, Vriska said, "Hey...turn it to Comedy Central. There's a Jeff Dun-"

"Ha! Fuck you, I'll watch _Matilda_ if I want to." Roald Dahl was my crack. It still _is_ my crack.

**_== Knight of Space: Be Your Little Brother. Already? Giving Up So Soon?_**

**_== Prince of Time: Complain To Your__ Boyfriend._**

"Dan?"

When I stormed into our bedroom, Sollux was laying back on the bed, coding something. He was wearing his 3D glasses, with happened progressively less lately.

"H-hey." I leaned against the door, and slowly slid down until I was sitting. I didn't intend on moving. "You're home early."

"The thtore wath thlow tonight, tho I bailed..." Sollux folded up his glasses and put them on the nightstand. "You okay? Ith everything alright?"

I leaned my head against my knees. "Me an' Matt had an argument..."

Sollux got up off the bed and sat down in front of me. "And...?"

"He thinks we should tell Drew about...about us." My jeans muffled the sound of my voice.

"Hmph," Sollux grunted, sitting Indian-style. "Well, Dan, uh..."

"Sol?"

"I'd kind of like to tell Drew, too." I could hear the frown in his voice. "I'm _thick_ of thneaking around behind hith back. The fact that you have him _living_ with uth doethen't make it much eathier."

I sighed. Sollux'd probably get mad if I said 'no' again. I didn't want Sollux mad.

"A-alright...b-but...I wanna t-tell him, S-Sol..." I muttered. "It's my f-fault he d-doesn't know..."

Sollux lifted my head from under the ears and kissed my forehead. "Y'know, you worry too much...everything'th gonna be fine, Dan. Tomorrow'th your birthday, remember?"

I chuckled. "Oh...yeah." I'd completely forgotten. The next day was my 21st birthday. Drew was turning 22. It was still hard to believe we weren't the same age...

"Why don't we jutht go to bed already? It'th late...bethideth, you and Bigfoot're gonna be getting a thit ton of thudden planth."

I looked up from my knees, and Sollux was grinning. I loved when he grinned at me like that.

"O-okay." He got up off the floor first, then pulled me to my feet. I turned off the light, and he closed his laptop up.

Opening the bedroom door a crack, I called across the hall, "'Night, Drew...Vriska..."

"'Night, Dan."

"Go to sleep already."

"_Dreeeeeeeewwwwwwww_, don't be a dick to your brother..."


	2. Chocolate Icing, Mmm

**_== Prince of Time: Be Carlisle._**

_== Carlisle: Perform Your Morning Rituals._

"Eridan, Kathryn, get your _lazy_ asses up!"

It was five-thirty in the morning. On a Wednesday. "The adults" hated being woken this early, but if I didn't get them up before I left for school, you could forget them dragging their sorry carcasses out of bed before noon.

Not even bothering to sit up, Eridan did a pathetic job of throwing a pillow at me. The nearsighted moron didn't even hit me; he hit the frame of the door.

"You're gonna hafta try better than that, Amporaa~!" I sang on my way out. Coffee in the morning plus Carlisle equals a good mood.

"Fuck off, ya lit'l shit!"

I quickly slapped together a bacon sandwich using three strips of bacon I'd already made and a hamburger bun. Nutrition's never been my forte, anyway.

Within seven minutes, I was dressed. With 15 minutes to go. I wolfed down my bacon treat, tying that stupid fucking bowtie my school made us wear.

Who did they think we were? The Warblers? Fuck bowties, fuck blazers, and fuck private schools.

"Carlisle!" Kathryn burst into my room, finally up. "Car, don't forget-!"

"Dan's picking me up from school; don't catch a bus or a ride with my friends," I recited. "Hang out with him until approximately six o'clock, when you'll have the apartment ready for the surprise party. And, if I let him on about it, you'll have my head on a silver platter. Do I got it?"

My sister nodded approvingly. "Wow. You're good." She gave me a quick peck on my forehead, and muttered, "Go ahead and head on down...neither me _or_ Eridan is gonna drive you if you're late."

"Yeah, yeah." I picked up my bookbag from a pile of dirty clothes on the floor, and headed out.

From their bedroom, I could hear Eridan ask, "He leawin' yet?"

"Yes, love, Carlisle's leaving."

I seethed at how eager he was to get rid of me. "See you tonight, fishdick!"

"Fuck _off_, ya lit'l _shit!_"

"Eridan, Carlisle, I swear to God..."

I ducked out the door and locked it before she could finish her threat. No sense in putting myself in further danger.

_== Carlisle: Skip Narrating the School Day, and Go To After School._

"That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are, I'm gonna say...she went down in an airplane, fried getting suntanned...fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand..."

3:31. Almost seventeen minutes I'd been out of school, and Dan still wasn't here yet.

_God, I hope nothing happened..._ It'd suck to get hurt, or worse, _die_, on your twenty-first birthday.

Then, I saw it. Rolling down the street. A sleek red convertible, with Dan in the driver's seat and Sollux in the passenger.

"Oh my Go... Jesus Christ, Carlisle, that's _your_ ride?" My friend Kody was practically drooling.

Dan pulled up in front of me, a big grin on his face. Sunglasses covered his eyes.

"C'mon, Car, get in the back," He ordered. "I gotta drop Sollux off at work, then you can get up front."

Eyes still as big as whale testicles, I climbed in the back seat, throwing my book bag beside me and half-waving goodbye to my salivating group of friends.

When Dan pulled out of the parking lot, I shrieked, "_Shit!_ This baby's brand new, dude!"

Dan chuckled, and I could see his grin in the rear-view mirror. "Sorry we're so late. Sollux insisted he get me something for my birthday before he goes off to help those poor fools at Apple."

Sollux nodded. "I made the right choithe, huh?"

"Fuck _yes_, you made the right choice." There were cup holders in the back seat. Cup. Holders. The most I'd ridden in after Sburb had been the old green truck Kathryn and Eridan shared with me.

When Dan dropped Sollux off at work(and gave him a kiss goodbye), he made good in his promise to let me up front. I loosened up my bowtie.

"Shit, Dan, I thought I'd suffocate in this thing." I threw it down on the floor.

He smiled again. "So, where you wanna take me off to while we wait for the party to be ready?"

He knew? "You knew?"

"Sollux. Make sure to remind me to act surprised."

We drove around a few blocks, talking and screwing with the radio. Stopped and got McDonald's. Finally, Dan turned and drove back to the apartment building when Kathryn sent me a text.

"What d'you think she's set up?" He asked me in the elevator.

I shrugged. "I dunno...cake. There's gotta be cake."

"Oh _God_ yes, the cake. You've already got my sweet tooth kicking in."

I snickered. "You're crazy."

"Am I?" Dan raised an eyebrow. "Mmm...chocolate frosting on a white sheet cake...little red and blue flowers...there's gotta be sprinkles. Man, does Danny like the sprinkles."

"I'm allergic to chocolate." _Everybody_ forgot about that. "Would _coconut_ icing work?"

"That shit is _nasty._ I won't go any lower than buttercream."

"Mmm...dammit, Dan, now you've got me hungry!"

_== Carlisle: Be Matt._

_**== Prince of Mind: Be Overbearing.**_

**AA: hey janny**

**AA: everything** **okay**

"Matt...you're texting her again."

"Can't help it. I'm worried."

**GA: Matt, we're okay. Karkat and I're playing poker.**

**GA: Get a grip, man.**

Eridan swatted my cellphone to the floor. "Cripes, man, get a _grip._ Kar's gonna take good care of her." Strange. Almost the same thing Janice'd told me.

I should've never left Janice at home. She hadn't felt up to going to Kathryn's apartment building for the birthday party, so she had me leave without her.

I shook my head. "You'd feel like this if Katie was three days overdue! The baby could come any minute!"

Out of anybody from our entire jointed session of Sburb, Janice and I were absolutely the last ones they expected to settle down first...although I still chalk up the whole "pregnancy" thing to that night when she tried tequila for the first time and we got a little rowdy in the bedroom.

Slowly, I leaned over the arm of the couch and picked up my phone. "Dammit, Eri, you can't go smackin' around other people's _phones_..."

"Does it look like I care?" Eridan laughed, then leaned back against the sofa. Sometimes, I'll admit, he _could_ be a bit of a dick.

It wasn't too long after the incident that the twins and Carlisle showed up. Dan and Sollux exchanged some weird glances, but I chalked that one up to any number of pointless arguments they could've had the night before, after Dan stormed out of the apartment.

The party wasn't all that much. Chips, soda, take-out pizza...oh, and cake. Dan and Carlisle seemed to have developed some weird inside joke based solely on cake icing...which was pretty weird and I'm going to stop talking about it now.

One time, and I mean _one_ time, I picked up my phone because it buzzed with a new text. Eridan muttered something under his breath, and Dan whapped him on the shoulder.

"Lighten up, dude." You really couldn't believe he was already so freakin' old. Dan still sounded fifteen, and he hadn't grown much in all this time.

It took me half a second to work the lock screen on my phone, but my hands were shaking as I opened Pesterchum. Janice kept messaging me.

**GA: Matt.**

**GA: MATT.**

**GA: Get your ass to the hospital, Matt!**

**GA: _Matt! My water broke and KARKAT is driving me to the hospital!_**

**GA: Answer the fucking _phone!_**

Why hadn't this shitty iPhone 5 told me I had _three missed calls?_

"Shit!" I hadn't meant to yell. But, when you have a hyper-sensitive mind like mine, you're prone shout expletives when your wife is in labor and Karkat goddamn Vantas is behind the wheel of the forsaken vehicle bringing her to the emergency room.

Kathryn raised her eyebrows. "Matt, what's-?"

"_The baby's coming._" My voice was a shrill little whisper.

It took me all of thirty seconds to burst up off of the couch and grab my jacket. The old, ratty, orange pullover hoodie Janice had worn through the majority of Sburb.

My little exclamation put the whole party in a panic. We clamored for jackets, car keys, phones, anything lying around.

"I'm gonna be a dad." Have I ever mentioned how great the overly intelligent are at stating the fucking obvious? "Matthew Wood is gonna be a _daddy_."

Did you ever notice how terrifying those words become when first said aloud?


	3. Family Issues

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Drew._**

**_== Knight of Space: Be Jittery._**

"_Who's seen a pregnant lady being wheeled through here by a nubby-horned troll?_"

Matt hadn't been able to find the hospital. In his panic, he'd completely forgotten where it had been. He'd driven us around an hour and a half, going 80 miles a fucking hour, looking for the damn building.

Half the waiting room pointed to another door. A kind, old nurse explained, "He took her to the emergency room, sweetie. I take it you're the father?"

Matt nodded, weird orangey eyes wide, panting and trying to catch his breath.

"Y-yes, ma'am. Thank you."

Not all of us had actually rushed off to go with Matt. Only the ones directly connected to this little soon-to-be kid; me and Dan(uncles), Sollux(I don't know why he even came), Carlisle(cousin, first removed?), Kat(same as Car), and Eridan(because of Kathryn)_._

Dan pulled up a chat with Karkat on his phone, with Karkat trying to tell us what room Janice was in. Apparently, Matt had missed the delivery...

But, thankfully, made it just in time to help name his new little son.

I'll admit, when we creeped into the room Karkat had directed us to, I was a little nervous. What the hell does an uncle do? Do we give out candy, or does that seem too creepy?

Janice was laying back in a hospital bed, her face a little bit pale, with a quiet little bundle of blue blanket in her arms. Karkat sat in the corner, looking out of place.

"You forgot the cigars to hand out," Janice whispered, grinning ear to ear.

Matt shook his head, grinning back. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "You're crazy."

"And _you're_ late." Janice couldn't help giggling. They must've given her the _good_ stuff.

The little baby in her arms was beautiful. He had her deep-set purple eyes and freckles, but Matt's blonde hair. Kid was really going to be a heartbreaker when he grew up, God forbid another Danny Zuko fiasco.

Slowly, Janice glanced over in our direction. "Guys, can you kind of...wait outside a few minutes? I'd like my baby daddy to get some nice bonding time with his son."

That was her most recent name for Matt. Baby daddy.

Since no one answered, I nodded and said, "Uh...yeah, sure."

Me, Dan, Sollux, Carlisle, Kat, Eridan, and after turning off the TV, Karkat joined us in leaving the new family.

**_== Knight of Space: Be Dan._**

**_== Prince of Time: Go In and Out of the__ Closet...Literally._**

I was really happy for Matt and Janice. And they seemed happy, too; no matter how freaked out Matt had been in the car(not to mention speeding), we all knew he was ecstatic.

When we all followed Drew out of Janice's room, Sollux gently nudged me with his elbow and pointed his head at Drew.

"_Now?_" I mouthed, practically whispering. He couldn't be serious.

"Now." Sollux nodded. Apparently, he was _totally_ serious.

When we got back the waiting room, Sollux announced he was going to go find a vending machine, because we'd left the birthday party before we ate food. I was a little peckish, too, but he'd kill me if I tagged along.

_Alright, Dan. Time to man up. _To this day, I still don't understand why telling him about me and Sollux was so terrifying.

"Dr-Drew?" He was sitting down in one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs, flipping through one of those generic hospital magazines with one leg crossed over the other knee.

Drew looked up, readjusting his glasses. They always seemed ready to fall off his nose. "Yeah? Dan?"

Biting my lip, I sat down. "So, umm...okay, to-tonight's our b-b-birthday, n-not to mention Janice and Matt's little bundle of joy, so with all these things happening, S-Sol and I think I sh-should...c-come clean about s-so..." I drew in a sharp breath, and exhaled. "...about something.

_GOD DAMN IT, DAN, STOP STAMMERING._ I was tripping so badly over all of my words.

Drew nodded, a little bit of interest flickering in his dark brown eyes. "M'hm...I'm listening."

"So, um, this is something I-I've been meaning to t-tell you f-for...a...a l-long while, I-I guess. Practically since you-know-what ended." The two of us didn't much like talking about Sburb, at least out loud.

"Dan, get to the point." There was that familiar sense of annoyance in his voice. Maybe this was a bad idea.

Slowly, I took another breath, trying to keep myself from stammering. I'd never gotten over that problem.

"Okay, bro, look. I'm gay and...and I've been dating Sollux ever since we beat The Game like, friggin', _four_ years ago, and I didn't want to tell you about us because I was afraid you'd overreact. Is that enough 'to the point' for you?"

Kathryn, Eridan, and Carlisle, all across the room, made audible gasps from my confession. They'd never thought I'd be ballsy enough to tell Drew.

Drew's mouth hung open a bit. "You...Dan, you _what?_"

"You heard me. Sollux and I are together. Okay?" Oh God, where was Sollux? I was getting much too cheeky for the occasion.

While Drew attempted to process my reply, the second man of the hour reappeared, peeling the wrapper off of a chocolate chunk Ripe Krispies treat. Just feet away, Sollux stopped short of walking past Drew.

Shaking his head, Drew finally said, "Okay...let me get this straight. You being gay, I can take that. Hell, I can _believe_ that. You and Sollux, I can handle."

"M'hm."

"But, what the actual _fuck_ do you mean you thought I'd 'overreact'? You think I'm a frigging _homophobe? _Jesus _Christ_, Dan, don't you remember _Nat_ had a fucking girlfriend?"

...What? "What?" I didn't remember this.

Drew sighed, shaking his head again. "Oh. My. God. Dan, I do _not_ have a problem with gay people. Childhood best friend, Natalie Oak? One of the two lesbians in our class? Is _none_ of this ringing a bell? And, I'll repeat this one more time before I lose my temper, what the _fuck_ did you mean I'd 'overreact'? Do you think I do that?"

I'd completely forgotten about Nattie. Drew used to have the _biggest_ crush on her before Kathryn came into the picture.

He was getting all riled up. I was _completely_ helpless. I tried in vain to send a mental distress signal to Sollux, but he threw his hands up and shrugged, mouthing, "I don't even _know_."

"Dan...Dan! Fucking look at me."

I sprang up and ran. Ran down a hall, ran into a supply closet(which I proceeded to lock), ran to the corner and just curled up in a ball.

_There are so many ways that could have gone better._ I sighed, shaking my head.

**-adamantAnderson [AA] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]-**

**AA: I am so totally screwed with Drew.**

**AA: He's super pissed I ran off, now, isn't he?**

**TA: yeah. he ii2.**

**TA: dan, where are you?**

**AA: In a supply closet. Not sure where, exactly.**

**AA: I'm just gonna go...hide in here...y'know, forever.**

**TA: no! don't do that!**

**TA: dan, come out.**

**AA: I think it's been fully established that you already had me 'come out'.**

**-adamantAnderson [AA] logged** **out!-**

Thanks to my attitude getting the better of me, this had to be one of the worst birthdays ever.

**_== Prince of Time: Be Janice._**

_== Janice: You Were Always Cut Out To Be A Mother._

"So, I don't suppose we have a name yet?" Matt sat in a chair by my bed.

I shook my head, looking down at the little boy in my arms. "No...I had that put off until you could get here."

Matt shook his head, grinning. "Well, looks like Daddy'll be here a while, then...I don't have a single name in my head right now except yours."

He did this _all_ the time. Came up with the cheesiest, gooeyest little things to say to me. It was sweet, but pretty annoying, and he knew fully well.

I scoffed. "Daddy's gonna be here all night with Mommy if Mommy has to break Daddy's leg to do it."

"Ooh. I am _so_ scared of you, Janice." He scuffed up my hair. "Which one of us almost literally killed the other?"

"We're one and one for that, buddy." I'd almost completely had him before Carlisle broke up that fight, and Matt _knew_ it.

Matt kept grinning. He looked down at our baby.

"What d'you think?" I asked quietly, sounding like an overzealous kindergartener showing her mommy the painting she'd made in class.

Instead of answering right away, Matt brushed my bangs away from my face and kissed my forehead. "Beautiful." Then he went and kissed our baby's forehead. "...and beautiful."

I rolled my eyes and sat up a little in bed. "Okay, come on, Matt. Time to be serious, we've got to come up with a name."

Before the brainstorming session could begin, his cellphone rang. I groaned, rolling my eyes again.

"Really?"

"I'm sorry, Janny, just...lemme take this call." I saw the caller ID and saw it was Drew. What could _he_ want?

The moment Matt accepted the call, I could hear my brother ranting and raving. Matt held it away from his ear.

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa!_" He shouted. "Drew, dude, relax a second before you have an aneurysm! Slow down. Start over."

Drew started talking again, slower and quieter. I couldn't hear him. In my arms, little Baby-To-Be-Named-Later stirred.

Matt gasped. "What? You're _kidding._ Ran off?"

"Who ran off?" I demanded in a harsh whisper. BTBML whimpered, and I rubbed his head in what I pray was a soothing manner.

Matt groaned, shaking his head. "Fine. But you owe me, got it?" He hung up the phone.

This couldn't be good. "Matt, what's going on? Who did what?"

"Dan came clean about him and Sollux to Drew, and Drew yelled at him about I don't _know_ what, and the poor kid ran off," Matt explained. He stood up. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry-I'll be right back, okay? We've_ gotta_ find Dan."

Oh, come on. This was unbelievable. "O-okay. Text me when you do, okay?"

Matt grinned, a familiar tired look in his eyes, then leaned over for a quick kiss. "I love you, Janice."

"I love you, too." I was a little tired, too.

Matt dashed out the door, muttering French curses under his breath. He was right back on his phone, punching out an angry text to someone. Probably Drew.


	4. Food, Glorious Food!

**Kball: If you can name the fun. song that Dan sings in this chapter, I will love you forever.**

* * *

_== Janice: Be Dan._

**_== Prince of Time: Some_ _Nights._**

"And yoo-oouu-uu...why you wanna stay? Oh my _God!_ Have you_ listened_ to me lately? Lately, I been_ going_ _crazy..._"

An hour later, I was still undiscovered. Drew kept sending me texts that, for the life of me, I was just plainly too terrified to open. He also tried calling.

Eventually, though, my stomach started growling and I couldn't help pestering someone.

**-adamantAnderson [AA] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]-**

**AA: Sol, I'm in the third supply closet down the hall from the waiting room. Across from the vending machines.**

**TA: you're hungry, aren't you?**

**AA: Starving.**

**TA: ii'm on my way.**

**-twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling adamantAnderson [AA]-**

Five minutes later, someone went out to the hall and got something from the vending machine. Then they knocked on the door.

"Dan? Dan, it'th me." Sollux stopped knocking, and tried tapping his fingernails against the metal door.

Sniffling, I pulled myself to my feet and wiped my nose on my jacket sleeve. Shortly before I pulled up songs for me to listen to from my phone, I'd done a good bit of crying.

I really hate it when Drew's mad at me. I really, really hate him being angry at me at all.

"H-hold on a sec." I fumbled with the lock of the door, considerably more clumsily than when I'd stormed in here.

After a moment, I managed to unlock the heavy metal door and let Sollux in. He closed it behind him and locked it, all with one hand. The other held the ultimate prize.

A fun-size bag of Lays Barbeque Chips. I ripped it open like a savage animal.

Sollux chuckled. "Thhit, Dan, you're theriouthly that hungry?"

I loved when he teased me. "Sh-shut up." I hunched against the wall, grinning a little and stuffing my face with the contents of this small black and white bag.

Another snicker. "I love you, you weirdo."

"Is Drew mad?" I didn't even hesitate so I could tell Sollux I love him, too. "He is, isn't he?"

I balled up the plastic bag and threw it on the floor. Sollux shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"Umm...yeah." Sollux didn't sound too happy to admit it. "But, he'th only pithhed about the fact that you ran off...and that you keep antagonithing him."

"I do?" I had no idea.

Sollux nodded, his black eyebrows raised. "Uh, _yeah_...haven't you ever heard yourthelf talk about him? Uthually, 'antagonithing' can be uthed when thomeone-"

"...Only notices the worst about someone." I stiffened at my own harsh tone. "I'm not stupid, Sollux. I just didn't realize I'm so negative..."

"I know you're not thtupid, Dan." He didn't sound annoyed at my attitude. Sollux knew I tried my best not to snap at him. He tried to do the exact same.

We were silent for a few minutes. Then, Sollux murmured, "I'm thurprithed you couldn't hear Drew ranting and raving when you thplit. Now hith voithe'th gone all hoarthe."

"Wh-what're we g-g-gonna do wh-when we get home? I-I-Is Drew already back?" I actually sounded scared. "What if h-he can still yell? I-I don't want Drew to yell at me...or yo-"

Sollux cut me off by swooping down and leaning in for a kiss. He pressed me snugly against the wall, hands against my shoulders. After a few seconds, he pulled away.

"I don't want you to worry about Drew, or being yelled at, or be antagonithtic, or any of that. Okay?" The corners of his mouth were turned up and showed his fangs in an adorably goofy little grin.

I nodded a little. "O-okay..."

After hesitating a second, Sollux leaned back in for another kiss. Since this time wasn't to rescue me from putting my foot in my mouth again, we got more into it.

Now, I had been a complete kissing virgin up until we had all but beaten Sburb, but with Sollux, it was just special. He could make the split ends of his tongue do whatever he wanted them to do, and just...just...

Fuck. I'm a little lightheaded just _remembering_ how Sollux used to make out.

It wasn't for a few minutes I realized what Sollux's _hands_ were busy doing. He had my jeans' button undone and my zipper all the way down.

Red lights and alarms flashed in my head as I leaned away a little and broke the kiss.

"S-Sol..._Sol!_" A little panicked, I gently peeled his hands away from my pants. My face burned in a huge blush when I realized he probably saw my tacky Pokemon boxers.

I struggled with my button a second, finally sovling to suck in my stomach. Thsoe three years sitting around and eating chips had done me no good; I felt fat and bloated after my snack.

Sollux stepped back a baby step, a little surprised by my outburst. "Th-thorry...I guethh...I overthtepped the boudarieth a little. Eheheh..."

I nodded, still blushing. "You've really got to stop _doing_ that...it scares the piss out of me..."

Sollux knew that, out of the list of things that scare the piss out of me, even the _thought _of sex was at least in the top three. He'd promised to wait until I knew I was ready, but sometimes, he got a little too eager...

Right after that, I suggested we finally come out of hiding. Sollux told me to wait, because he had to go to the restroom to fix a small...problem...

That was visible in his impossibly tight khaki jeans...

**_== Prince of Time: Let Sollux Briefly Settle Matters In His__ Pants._**

That...really didn't need a time split right there...especially not with _that_ title...

Um, anyway...when we finally made it back to the waiting room, it was totally cleared out. Like, no Drew, no Eridan, Kathryn, _nobody_ except the lady behind the desk.

"Excuse me? You two, you've been around a little long," She commented. She was a little old than Matt. "Unless one of you is dying, I'd suggest leaving. Your friends already left."

Oh, wow. Rude. Nobody evne let us know.

Sollux and I did end up leaving, shooting Matt a text telling him everything was okay. Just when Sollux was unlocking his car(he'd driven himself over instead of taking Matt's one-stop tirp to death), Pesterchum chimed.

I quickly unlocked my phone. It chimed twice, with different chimes; two people sent me messages. Then a third chime sounded.

"Who ith is, Dan?" Sollux got the Prius up and running, then carefully started driving.

The three chumhandles shown flashing were **autoGuide**, **aquaticGreenery**, and **girlyAwesomeness**.

"Umm...Kat, Drew, and Car. Who should I see first?"

"Carlisle. He'th probably got thomthnig interethting."

I quickly pulled up his text.

**-autoGuide [AG] began pestering adamantAnderson [AA]-**

**AG: Hey, Dan, mind if I stay with you guys a couple of nights?**

**AG: Eridan just proposed to Katie and I just cant do this. I cant be happy for them.**

**AA: Oh shit, really? He proposed?**

**AG: Why do you think Matt took all the shit he threw at him? Eridan was frickin' stressed out over doing this.**

**AG: Anyway, like I said, I just...**

**AA: Hey man, it's cool. We've got you. We're heading home right now.**

**AA: Use the spare key and just let yourself in, okay? You got some clothes with you?**

**AG: Yeah. I packed a little duffel and I've got my bookbag.**

**AA: If you need anything before we get home, just ask Vriska or my brother. I'mma tell Kat congrats, okay?**

**AG: Okay. And thanks, Dan.**

**AA: No problem. :)**

**-adamantAnderson [AA] ceased pestering autoGuide [AG]-**

"What'd Carlisle want?" Sollux quickly went into a McDonald's drive-thru.

I opened Kathryn's message. "Well, Eri finally proposed, and he's heartbroken that he's gonna marry his sister. 'Cause, y'know-"

"I know. ED got her killed where he came from." He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel impatiently.

"Oh, and Car's staying with us a few days. Okay?"

"Fine by me."

**-girlyAwesomeness [GA] began pestering adamantAnderson [AA]-**

**GA: Dan, Dan, you'll never believe it... ****Eridan, he just...he just asked me to marry him! and i said yes!**

**GA: but then, Carlisle, poor thing went and broke my heart...it's practically hard to be happy...**

**AA: Yeah, I know. Carlisle messaged me.**

**AA: Congradulations, Kat! :D I always knew you two would end up married one day!**

**GA: but...Dan, Carlisle ran away...**

**AA: I know. I know. Look, I'm going to let him stay at mine and Sol's place for a few days, okay?**

**AA: Trust me. I know what he's going through. He just needs a little time to simmer down.**

**GA: promise you'll take good care of my little brother, oaky, Dan?**

**AA: But of course. I'm the perfect housewife, after all. XD**

**GA: alright. i guess...i guess i can calm down.**

**GA: tell him that Eridan and i're going out tonight to celebrate, and that i lvoe them _both_. okay?**

**AA: No prob.**

**-girlyAwesomeness [GA] ceased pestering adamantAnderson [AA]-**

"Which wath that?" Sollux asked our orders. He wanted two McDoubles, only mustard, and I want some chicken nuggets.

"Kat. She was telling me about her and Eridan. Now, for the hard one..."

Reluctantly, I pressed my thumb on the flashing navy blue username. Time to face the news.

**-aquaticGreenery [AG] began pestering adamantAnderson [AA]-**

**AG: hey dan pick up the phone**

**AG: dan fucking answer me**

**AG: sigh looks like youre giving me the silent treatment**

**AG: look im sorry i yelled at you okay.**

**AG: i didn't mean to be so mad i was just well kinda hurt**

**AG: the fact that you hid your first relationship from _me_ your most trusted confident kind of strung a hard chord**

**AG: im actually kidn of happy for you guys at least you can manage to find someone to love you**

**AG: fuck im pretty sure im permanently friendzoned with vriska so im pretty much fucked with every girl we know**

**AG: shit sorry for rambling the doorbell just rang**

**AG: okay youre obviously still not talking to me so okay bye**

**-aquaticGreenery [AG] ceased pestering adamantAnderson [AA]-**

The fact that he wasn't mad about me and Sollux being together took a huge weight off my chest. I felt so relieved.

"Sollux?" I squeaked. "Drew, he..."

"If he thaid thomething he thouldn't have, I'll kill him." Our food came through the second window we drove by, after Sollux payed, and then we drove off.

I shook my head, taking out my ten-piece box. "No, no! That's not it! He's not mad about...about us."

A small little smile appeared on his face. "Good. It'd thuck to lothe the betht cook in the houthe if we had to kick him out."

Kick him out? That thought hadn't crossed my mind. Or, would he move out?

"Oh, and Carlisle's already over. Should we force him in with Drew and Vris, or give him the luxury of the couch?"

"Couch, definitely. Knowing VK, there'th no telling what they _really_ do in that bedroom after we go to thleep..."

When I figured what Sollux meant by that, my face spread out in a huge blush.


	5. The Eridan Thing

**_== Prince of Time: Be That Other Prince._**

_== That Other Prince: Be Eridan._

Sometimes, Dan could be really impossible. The one night I needed him to act like a normal human being, the night of his birthday, the fucking _ngiht I planned to propose_, he just _had_ to take the spotlight.

Although, of course, it wasn't _entirely_ his fault he ran off and hid...Drew _had_ been yelling pretty hard. Scared even me. Still, after so long, couldn't the kid learn to grow up a little?

_And just my fuckin' luck..._ I thought bitterly, feeling the small box in my pocket.

Tonight. Why tonight? Why _fucking_ tonight? I had put this off for so long, and now that I'd finally steeled my resolve, Dan had to up and fucking run away...

I could remember, all those months ago, when I'd first asked Matt about the concept of human marriage.

_== Eridan: Flashback._

_"Matt, when'd you first know you w-wanted to spend literally forever with Janice?"_

_Sometimes, Matt could be good for information. This was one of those times._

_The blonde on his knees in front of the TV stiffened when he heard my question. "Uhm, what'd you say, Eri?"  
_

_"You heard me. W-when did you decide to propose to Janice?"_

_They had been married two years. I know he wouldn't have forgotten._

_Matt loosened his grip on the brightly colored Xbox cables he was connecting to his TV, looking a little uncomfortable. "You wanna marry Kathryn, don't you?"_

_"I don't know-w. It's just...w-well...she's not the first person I'we ewer lowed..." Everyone knew the sob story between Fef and I. "...But, w-well, she's damn w-well the first to stay w-with me, and...w-well...I don't know-w. Don't human marry each other w-when they lowe each other a lot?"_

_"Um, yeah. But, there are more reason than tha-"_

_"I think I'd like to keep the option of proposin' on the floor."_

_"Eridan, I really don't think you know what you're talking abo-"_

_"Shut up and teach me how-w to play _Tony Hawk's American Wasteland_."_

_== Eridan: Be Carlisle._

_== Carlisle: Narrate for a Little While._

For the record, Eridan never mastered that video game. I can still grind his ass on a video game rail like it was pepper.

After looking for Dan a little while, Eridan and I met our first consensus: it was time to go. Matt lent us the keys to his SUV, then left us to go. Sollux had driven his own self here, so screw it.

_I thought I saw a man_

_Brought to life._

In the car, while I was in the back seat playing on my phone, I saw Eridan playing with something in his jacket pocket. He was the driver, so that was a bit of a no-no.

For a few blocks, I watched his right hand play with that pocket. What could be so important? And, more importantly, why didn't Kathryn even notice?

_He was warm, he came around_

_Like he was dignified._

Then, at a red light, I caught a glimpse when a small, rose-pink velvet box nearly fell out of the pocket. Eridan caught it, but I saw it.

On the outside of the box, there was a hastily scribbled note in purple ink saying "KAY JEWELERS". No lie, my eyes went to the size of whale testicles.

_He showed me what it_

_Was to cry._

_Oh my God. I just caught Eridan with a ring. _This was worse than that time we all went to a club and I caught a very, very drunk Eridan and Matt twerking.

All sorts of flashbacks popped through my mind.

_Well, he couldn't be the man_

_I adored._

Six years old. Kathryn, seventeen, climbing through my bedroom window. Kathryn, wearing a diamond engagement ring, telling me everything would be okay. Telling me she'd return one day. Kathryn, running away with a very human, very ginger Eridan Ampora.

Kathryn and Eridan getting ran down by a slick black Chevy while I was watching, all because they ran away. Never made it past the street.

_You don't seem to know, seem to care,_

_What the heart is for._

Eridan slid the orange SUV u pto the light. "Kat, do you mind if we make a quick dinner stop at McDonald's? Car?"

"Sure, Eri. I'm hungry, too." Kathryn sounded happy. Too happy. Did she see it, too?

_Well, I don't know_

_Him anymore._

After the light turned green, Eridan inched forward until he reached the next McDonald's. My heart raced with panic.

No. He couldn't do this. I couldn't lose my big sister _twice._

_There's nothing where_

_You used to lie._

We sat in the parking lot for a moment before Eridan started up. "So, um, Kat...I didn't plan on hawin' this conwersation w-with...w-with Car right there..." He was twiddling his thumbs nervously.

"Hm? What covnersation?" Kathryn was putting her purse strap over her shoulder.

_The conversation has run dry._

_That's what going on._

My mouth ran a little dry. _No..._ My hands were clammy. _No. _My head spun around painfully. _No!_

"Carlisle, um, is everything alright back there? You look kind of...gray..." _No, nothing's okay, Katie!_ Now she was concerned.

_No, nothing's fine,_

_I'm torn._

Eridan sighed. "Alright, no more fuckin' around. I'we gotta do this tonight...Kathryn, you...you know I love you, right? And you love me?"

_Don't say it._ "Yes, Eridan...you know I love you."_ Dammit!_

_I'm all out of faith, and_

_This is how I feel._

"...An' you know-w I'm terrified to lose you to, w-well, anyone else. An', w-well, I'we been thinkin' for a real long time..."

"M'hm..." Kathryn stared at her soon-to-be fiance from over her pink-framed glasses.

_I'm cold and I am shamed,_

_Lying naked on the floor._

Eridan took one more deep breath. He drew his hand out of his jacket pocket, pulling out the small box.

"Alright, fuck all'a this small talk. I'll bet most couple don't do this in a car parked at Mc-fuckin'-Donald's, but dammit, w-we're not most couples, so Kathryn, will you marry me?"

_The memory only changed_

_Into something real._

Frantically, I worked the lock of the car. I couldn't do this. I couldn't handle this.

Anyone else. Anyone else but _Eridan_, I would have been okay. I unlocked the door, and ran out into the cold air without a jacket.

_I'm wide awake, and_

_I can see the perfect sky is torn._

"Carlisle! Carlisle, what're you doing?" Kathryn and Eridan both climbed out of the car to chase after me.

"I'm not going to watch this happen all over again, _I'm not going to watch you get killed again!_" I was screaming and shaking, getting ready to sprint across the street.

_You're a little late,_

_I'm already torn..._

They gave up after I crossed the street. I found a bench to hide out on and cry, cold and brokenhearted. After a nice sob, I pulled out my phone.

Dan was the first name to come to mind. I got up, and called a cab to take me back home...Eridan and Kathryn were going to talk for a little while, probably, maybe still go eat, so I had at least half an hour to pack a book bag and get gone.

By the time I got home to the apartment and packed enough clothes for a week(plus my laptop, charger, and phone charger), I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave.

This was my _home._ Where my sister and...and...and that troll would come home to every day, where they'd wake up every morning.

**-autoGuide [AG] began pestering girlyAwesomeness [GA]-**

**AG: Im moving out. You and your new little fiance can have the apartment all to yourselves now.**

**-autoGuide [AG] has blocked girlyAwesomenss [GA]!-**

Slowly, painfully, I shuffled my way to the elevator to make my way down to apartment number 224.


	6. Pants, Hair, Shower

_== Carlisle: Be Drew._

_**== Knight of Space: Timeskip 6 Months.**  
_

"Unff! Fuck...Vris..."

"You're not going to get it on, Drew. Give it up already..."

Vriska found it a sick, twisted game to watch me struggle to fit into the suit I'd worn to Matt and Janice's wedding. Well, not the suit, really...first I had to pull the pants on.

It was six months after Eridan proposed to Kathryn, in February. Now it was August, nto to mention a week before the wedding.

I really didn't want to admit the fact that I had to be gaining weight again. Either that, or Sollux was being a total dick and shrinking my clothes again.

Struggling ever harder, I wiggled around on my back on the bed, trying to at least get the buttons to touch the hole.

"Drew, give it up!" Vriska cackled, laughing like a maniac. "You're _never_ buttoning those again!"

Finally giving up and relaxing, I let my arms and legs go limp. This could not be happening.

"It's finally happening. I'm getting fat again, I knew it." As I breathed, my stomach slowly seeped over the gap in my navy dress pants before slinking back.

Vriska climbed to the foot of the bed, laying on her elbows. "Oh, you're not _fat_..." She correctly me, ruffling my dark hair. "You're just not drop-dead sexy skinny anymore."

Playing Sburb, I'd started slimming down...and I kept myself busy on the meteor so I could stay that way...hell, I even worked with a construction company to keep myself active.

"Errrrrrrgh." Vriska threw me a pillow, and I promptly covered my face with it, continuing to groan in frustration.

My childhood crush, who I did _not_ have feelnigs for anymore, was marrying my worst enemy that week. My only suit didn't fit. I didn't want to fuck away my money buying _or_ renting a new one.

"This is gonna be a long week for you, huh, Drew?"

"I wish I still had my pistols, for the sole purpose of _firing a bullet into my nose._"

**_== Knight of Space: Be Dan._**

**_== Prince of Time: Become Domestic._**

"What d'you think, Dan? More bangs, or more off the back...?"

"Bangs. Definitely bangs. You constantly look like you have a baggie of maryjane in your pocket. And maybe switching your brand of shoes wouldn't be so bad? I mean, God, Nikes are pretty gay if you don't play sports..."

"I asked about my hair, not what's wrong with my wardrobe or my nonexistant love life."

Six months. Carlisle had lived with us six months, and boy, did that shaggy mop on his head grow fast.

Instead of spending money on a barber every month(literally _every month_), the two of us decide just to let me cut his hair. According to Sollux, Daniel Anderson makes one hell of a domestic wife.

_Sollux's wife..._ I thought playfully, taking Carlisle's bangs between my fingers. I quickly snipped away with my scissors. _Except for the fact that I have a dick, that'd be an awesome idea._

With the wedding coming up and everything, everybody was getting all jazzed up about love and/or whoever they happened to be sleeping with. Even some of the guys from Matt's job...whatever it was he did for a living.

"Car, what d'you think sounds better?" I asked, lowering my voice. I could hear Drew's, and his pants', grunts of distress in his and Vriska's bedroom.

"Huh?" Carlisle spit out a lock of dampened black hair.

"Daniel Captor, or Sollux Anderson...and should I start going by my full name instead of 'Dan'? I've always rather liked Daniel."

"Dude. Calm the fuck down, you're talking really fast." Carlisle wiggled his legs under the sweater we were using for a haircut bib. "And, anyway...I don't know. Why not a hyphenated name, like mine was?"

Before he decided to have it changed, Carlisle's name had been Carlisle James Urmine-Ball. Now he'd completely dropped "Urmine", because he didn't want to keep his mom's last name.

I shrugged, pulling his hair behind his ear. "I just...I don't know. Let's drop the subject."

Marriage, despite all of it happening lately, wasn't a subject I was familiar with. I'd been an usher at Matt and my sister's wedding, of course, and I was going to be again at Kat and Eri's wedding, but...

"Sigh." I combed Carlisle's damp hair slowly, practically scraping at his scalp.

Car looked down at the white and gold Nikes he was wearing. The gay ones. "What's wrong? I bum you out?"

"No. I just...I wish I really understood what the whole thing about marriage is like. It's not that big a deal..."

Coming from a broken home where there was no father and my only sister was with him in NYC, I didn't know the first thing about real love. I mean, of course, I had Sollux, but...still...

"Sigh. Let's drop the fucking subject already. I've gotta get myself all dolled up for tonight."

Sollux wanted to take me out that night. It was already 4:30, so he'd be home in only an hour and a half...and I didn't want him to come home to me looking like a transvestite house husband who single-handedly turned the apartment living room into an extension of Fantastic Sam's.

Carlisle nodded, taking the old sweater off and putting the chair we used back in the kitchen. "Alright...thanks, Dan. I was needing a haircut."

"Alright. Sweep up all this hair, okay?" I put the broom and dustpan in his hand, then dashed down the hall for the bathroom. I needed a shower.

_Alright, you've gotta take a shower, put on some clean clothes, make sure everything's clean..._ I listed off to myself in my mind. _Maybe take a few minutes to snip my own hair. I'm starting to actually look like a woman._

Who in their right mind would let their 12 year old half-Asian son grow his hair out to his shoulder blades? Before Sburb, my mom hadn't gotten anything other than my bangs cut in years, and I hadn't been on the up-and-up with my hair, either.

Two steps, so close to sweet blissful projected boiling water on my skin...

And then...

"*bunp* Dan, what are you doing."

Drew burst out of his bedroom, and our hands touched the doorknob at the same time.

I grimaced. "Drew, I have a _date_ tonight. Something you haven't experienced since sixth grade!" I didn't have the time or patience for his bull.

"I haven't had a shower in a week, Dan, step off."

"Exhibit A of why you're becoming a slowly infertile 40-year-old virgin in the making, now get the hell out of my way!"

Wow, this was really a step up from that little 12 year old who worshipped Drew like a deity.


	7. Starshine, Star Bright

**_== Prince of Time: Instead of Switching POV, Let's Strip._**

Um, ew. Kball, _nobody_ wants to know about me _taking off my clothes,_ even just to shower.

Anyway, before I even turned the water on, I locked the bathroom door and sent Sollux a text, in case he tried to text me while I was in.

**AA: Hey, I'm getting in the shower now, so...**

**AA: Like, don't try to text me, 'cause I won't be at the phone. I'll be in the shower.**

**AA: People who like their phones don't put them in the shower.**

Muttering a curse at myself, I slipped under the water. The scalding hot water felt beautiful on my skin.

I've never liked full-body mirrors much. At least, not the kind we had in our bathroom...but, I've never been all that ugly. Short, skinny, tanned, freckles...I've always been more of a cute kid, not even close to the "drop dead sexy" kind of good looking

Before I knew it, _C'mon_ by Ke$ha started playing from my phone. That was Sollux's ringtone. Why was he calling?

Obviously, I shampooed my hair up and let it go to voicemail. The phone would put him on speaker while he left his message.

"Hey, Dan?" Sollux's voice rang out through the tiled walls. "Hey, I know you're in the thower, but I jutht wanna remind you about tonight. I mean, I know that'th probably _why_ you're getting all clean tho early, but we both know how thcatterbrained you can be. Ehehe..."

"Eheheh..." I laughed mockingly to myself, rinsing out the shampoo.

"Anyway, I'm thtill not letting you know where we're going until we get there...it'th thith apparently 'great plathe' that Matt told me I thhould take you to. It'll be great. Thee you after work." I could hear the smile in his voice, even after he hung up.

Grinning a dopey little smile of my own, I rubbed conditioner all in my hair. Without conditioning my hair, it'd get all tangled and messy...or at least moreso than usual.

After rising my hair out again, I didn't bother with a bar of soap and washcloth, so I just turned off the water and stepped out into the freezing bathroom.

Wait a minute...freezing...in August.

"_Drrrreeeewwww!_"

"Karma's a bitch, ain't she?" He sounded like he was in the living room.

I groaned, shaking my wet hair back and forth in frustration.

Drew used to pulled this trick _all the time_ when we were kids and I beat him to the shower. I mean, _all. The. Time._

**_== Prince of Time: Be Janice._**

_== Janice: Barge In._

"_Matthew Marshall Wood, are you in here?_"

I practically kicked down the door of Eridan and Kathryn's apartment, looking for Matt.

Apparently, I walked in on a private moment between the soon-to-be husband and wife. They were snuggling on the couch, some shitty DVD on with Miley Cyrus or some other dumb slut like that, blanket covering their legs.

Eridan sent me a disgusted sneer. "Do you _mind_, Mrs. Incredible?" We were trying superhero nicknames on each other. Predictably, he was Aqua Man. "Are you fuckin' _demented,_ no, Matt isn't here!"

Since Eridan had practically whispered, not to mention little miss perfect Seer was unresponsive, I took it Kat was taking a little cat nap.

I shook my head, sighed. "Sorry, Eridan," I apologized. "Matt just went fucking _AWOL,_ and now everyone's been getting texts telling them to meet him somewhere, and I don't know where."

Eridan didn't look convinced. "Really, now-w?" He murmured. "Texts?"

He reached over the arm of the couch and took his phone off the charger. With an "W-well, I'm be damned...", he quietly unlocked his phone and checked it out.

I really don't understand why he was intent on not waking Kathryn up. I mean, Jesus, she was a pretty heavy sleeper.

Finally, after scanned the message, Eridan shrugged and handed his phone over to me.

"You can track him w-with this, if you w-want," He offered. "This w-whole thin' sounds a lit'l fishy. I ain't interested in...w-whatever shit he's cooked up for tonight."

I nodded. "Thanks, Eridan. I owe you one."

"No problem. Like I said, I hawe no intention on goin' to w-whatewer stupid thing your husband's started."

Much quieter than my entrance, I exited the small Ball-Ampora apartment and made my way to the elevator.

This stunt Matt was pulling, it made me _furious._ It wasn't often he kept something secret from me...but, when he did, it was something _big._

If Matt was planning a bachelor party for Eridan, and he was paying for _strippers_, I'd kill him. I really would.

_== Janice: Be Matt._

_**== Prince of Mind:** **Worry.**_

"Hey, Matt, your friends are starting to show up...if you went through the trouble of finally gettin' them here, you might wanna-"

"I know, Nick. Gimme a second." I carefully combed out my bangs, watching my reflection in the mirror.

Nick had been around the club longer than I had. He nodded, then stepped out of the bathroom.

The time since the engagement had been...really stressful for me. I started having nightmares for the first time in my life because, unlike Carlisle, my dream self had _always_ been awake. He knew what nightmares were like, unlike any of us...

They were terrible, the nightmares. I ran in a dark forest, and someone was always after me. Someone...who wanted to do terrible things to me...to Janice...even little Jason. I knew _exactly_ who she was, but I was in denial.

_She's not back._ I tapped my head against the nightclub mirror. _She is **not** back._

Janice didn't know I was having nightmares. No one knew. I know it's really bad to lie to your wife, but I didn't want to worry her.

Sighing, I splashed water all over my face. The cold woke me up a little. I felt better.

_Just another week and a half,_ I promised myself. _You can last that long, right?_

Every year, around Christmas, me and Janice and everyone else would pack up and head out for my younger brother's house way down in the Alabama wilderness for a week, just for some downtime. Time to relax. This year we moved it up, to celebrate the happy union between Eridan and Kathryn.

"_Matt._ Quit _prepping your hair_ and-"

"I _know_, Nicolas. Get my ass out there." We had this conversation every night. Nick loved me, though; I'd been the only one to turn up with piano skills when he needed them.

There weren't many people who worked at the Bass Notes karoke nightclub; it wasn't a huge place. Nick was the manager, but he wasn't much older than me...only twenty-six.

I took a little more cold water, and used it to slick my sweat-soaked bangs back. I cracked my knuckles.

"Showtime, starshine." Finally, after the hour I'd spent preparing myself physically, I left the men's room.


	8. Some Club Scene, Then Immense Sollux

**_== Prince of Mind:__ Showtime._**

In the front of the club, around the stage, I saw most of my friends were already seated. I'd invited Dan, Sollux, Eridan, Drew, Carlisle, Vriska, and Gamzee...mostly the ones involved with the wedding. The only ones there were Carlisle and Vriska, but the night was young. In the back of the club, there were a few scattered regulars, and one stranger, dressed in black, with a hood up. The jacket was so big, I couldn't even make out a face.

As I sat behind my keyboard, cracking my knuckles again, I started to pray.

_Eridan has to come._ I was trying to will him there. _This will be a bust if he isn't. _I reached for my mic.

See, Nick was in charge of the setup and all, but once we opened, the stage was mine. My job was to get people up there to sing, get the crowd riled up, and to play music. We occasionally had a guitar or drums, but mostly, I was stuck on my own.

"Hello, ladies and germs." I liked the power I held. "I'd like to welcome a couple of friends of mine tonight...you know who you are. Car, Vriska...you're some pretty famous folks around here."

"Matt, _what_ the hell is going on?" Carlisle's voice echoed powerfully in the mostly empty room. "You can't just tell us to meet you somewh-!"

I played a few keys on my keyboard, turned in my seat, and cut him off. "Carlisle, you know me. I'll tell you...just sit back a moment...relax."

Carlisle rolled his eyes, not satisfied, but he sat down and folded his arms.

Just warming up, I turned back towards my instrument, and played a little more. The door opened, and Dan and Sollux slunk in.

"Well, the gang's almost here," I announced. "Anyway, I just wanted to show you guys a bit of my job...I haven't done that before, have I? Dan. C'mon up here."

Dan pointed at himself questioningly. I nodded, grinning. He scrambled towards the steps on the side of the stage, that familiar wide-eyed look of terror in his eyes. Under the bright stage lights, I caught a sneak peek of a hickey on his neck.

_Well, that explains their tardiness._

I whispered a question in his ear. Dan looked shocked, but then nodded eagerly.

Nodding back, I gave him my second stage mic. "Alright, guys...let's hear it for Dan Anderson, our first star of the night!"

Since there weren't that many people tonight, there wasn't much applause. I didn't feel discouraged. I played a few familiar notes.

"_I hear your hear-art beat, to the beat of the drum..._" I trilled into my microphone, soft and slow. "_But, oh, what a sshame...that you came here with ssoomeone, ohh...but, while you're here, in my armss..._"_  
_

Dan joined in. "_Let's make the most of the night...like we're gonna die young._"

I grinned. "_Like we're gonna die young._"

We'd both taken to the Youtube sensation Sam Tsui pretty quick after we first heard of him. His mashup of _Die Young_ and _Live While We're Young_ was a favorite of Dan's.

"_Hey, girl, I'm waitin' on ya...I'm waitin' on ya._" Dan had a nice voice; a little boyish and high, but not bad. Not at all bad. "_Come on, and let me sneak you out..._"

"_And have a celebration!_" I cackled. "_A celebration! The mussic up, the windowss down!_"

The whole time we sang that first song, I knew Dan was having the time of his life. That kid looked like he was _born_ to sing. And, like I said, he wasn't at _all_ shabby.

That's mostly what we did all night. Sometimes I called people up, sometimes they volunteered...but, there was nothing from the stranger in black. I could feel enmity coming off of him, from opening at 7:30 to closing at eleven. The whole time, no one else showed up.

While I packed everything up on the stage, I heard someone tapping their fingers against a table.

"Matt! You still ain't told us anything about why we're here!"

"Dan and I could've gone thomewhere elthe for our anniverthary," Sollux chimed in. It was their 4th anniversary tonight.

I knew I owed an explanation for why I summoned seven of my friends to my secret job...not to mention three of them owed me one for not showing the fuck up, but I could forgive that.

Still...that psycho in the black hoodie...

"Hang on a sec. I'll be right back." I hopped off the short stage, and jogged to the solitary table. "Hey, buddy. Is everything alright? Are you mad about something?"

"_Anata wa dono yō ni oroka o eru koto ga dekimasu ka?_" _How stupid can you get?_ That sentance instantly tipped me off as to who our mystery guest was. Only one person so fluent in Japanese would show up to where _I_ worked...

Slowly, Janice reached up and pulled down the hood of her jacket. The new black hoodie I had bought her for her last birthday. I could hear four gulps in the background.

While Janice glared at me, Vriska hooted and yelled, "You're in it now, buddy!"

Janice finally uncrossed her arms, and stood up. She was half a foot shorter than I was, but terrifying when angry.

"What the _hell_ put it in your mind to sneak around behind my back and get some kind of cult meeting started here where I _suppose_ you work!" She screeched. "And _why_ have you kept this job a secret for the past _fuck_ knows how long! _Is this where your video game money comes from?_"

Deciding an explanation was no longer important, the four behind me absconded the fuck out of there.

I backed up a little, frightened. "J-Janny...l-listen..."

"Listen, huh? Listen to the reason I had to leave our son, _your son Jason,_ with Eridan finflippin' Ampora? Why I've had to stay home by myself and watch him the past few months while you go off and play the piano and have fun with your gay little barbuddies?"

That last part came as a shock to me. Janice never had a homophobic thing to say, and how did she know this was a _gay bar?_

Finally, I had enough of her rant. Gently, I covered her mouth with my hand. Her childish gesture of licking it didn't faze me.

"Janice, honey, _listen_ to me..." I murmured. Nick and the bartender had already left; I was on my own. "There's a reason I got myself a job, you know...just because I don't tell you something, doesn't mean I'm going behind your back."

That got her. She didn't look so angry anymore. "Matt, you...you've lied to me before...I don't-"

"Shhh." I leaned down and gave her a peck on the lips. "Shh. You're working yourself up. I wanted to get Eridan and Kat a nice place for the reception, okay? So, I got a job...Nick's already approved the idea, I just...I wanted them to see the place, so I chose tonight. Okay?"

Janice looked down. "O-Okay..."

Sometimes, being a Prince of Mind could be really nice. I could talk anyone down into a sense of security, calm anyone down down from a tyrade...

"And about the video games, yes, the Gamecube, Xbox, _and_ Wii all came from this job. You're welcome." I grinned and hugged Janice.

Laughing, she pulled away from me. "God, you're such a _nerd,_ Matt."

"The term is 'obsessive gamer', and so are your brothers. And Sollux. God, didn't they have any other ways of entertaining themselves on that miracle? Sex?"

"Drew. Dan. Sex?"

"True. Let's go home, I don't trust my future cousin-in-law with the heir to the Wood family throne."

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Sollux._**

_== Sollux: Pick Up Dan._

By the time I finally got home from work, Dan was sitting on our bed, drying his hair with a blowdryer. His long, long hair.

"Luthy, I'm _hoooome,_" I sang, closing the door loudly to announce my arrival.

"Waah!" Dan jumped, and dropped the still-going blowdryer. Laughed nervously, he muttered, "Fuck, you scared me, Sol..."

I grinned. Dan jumped at almost anything, and judging from how sneaky his brother was, I could understand. Growing up next-to-alone had to be better than growing up with that freak.

I strode over and picked up the hairdryer. "Here, let me do it." I ran my fingernails through the tangled mess. "You know you take forever to dry it, anyway. Turn around."

"M'hm." Dan turned around on the edge of the back, back to me, and crossed his legs. "Sol, where're we going tonight?"

"You'll find out when we get there," I answered, grabbing the comb off the nightstand and combing his hair. "You know, running thith through your hair might be good every onthe in a while."

"Not when you mess it up every night," He snarked back playfully. "Now, come _onnn..._the suspense is _killing_ me." Dan started bouncing up and down on the bed.

I laughed. "Thurpritheth are called that for a reathon, aren't they?"

"Humph."

It didn't take long to dry Dan's hair, but then he sent me out; he'd started blowdrying his hair right when he got out of a shower, and had been wearing only a towel.

Drew was in the same spot I'd found him in on entering; on the couch, watching TV, eating a bag of...wait.

"Are thothe _Dan'th_ barbeque chipth?" They'd made an agreement a long time ago; Drew kept his filthy mitts out of the barbeque, and Dan wouldn't spike the sour cream and onion with chives. Drew hated chives.

Drew scowled at me. "Hey, it was that little _psycho_ that shoved me out of the way for the bathroom. This is only payback."

"What, eating?" I laughed, sitting on the couch with him. "Yeah, you theem to be betht at that."

Drew responded with a flush. "Sh-shut up, beanpole! Not everyone can eat like a pig and still look anorexic!"

"That'th one of my betht features," I snarked right back. Then, I reached a hand in the bag, and ate some chips myself.

Insulting Drew had to be one of my favorite guilty pleasures. He was such a _easy_ target...but, we always managed to call a truce by the time Dan showed up.

When I reached in again, Drew swatted my hand away. "Hey! You're going _out_ to dinner, aren't you?"

"That doethn't mean I can't have an appetither." I tried again and recieved a big handful.

Drew pouted. "You dick."

Drew and Dan, the two of them were alike in the _weirdest_ ways...they both pouted a lot, but since Drew was more the size of a grizzly bear and a puppy sounded more Dan's speed, Drew couldn't pull it off.

God, just one puppy dog look from Dan had me melting...

"Dan, are you done doing your makeup yet, or what?" Drew shouted back to our room. "Fuck, I'm sick of babysitting your boyfriend already."

"If you don't recall, _I'm_ older than _you._" It had taken a lot of effort to prove I was, linearly, the oldest of the house. In fact, I was actually the second oldest troll...second only to Kanaya.

A few minutes later, after more pointless one-sided banter, Dan finally emerged from the bedroom. He was wearing a dark red _Aeropostle_ polo tucked into black jeans, and...wow. A belt. Don't see that very often.

I whistled. "Well, you look _great_, Dan..." I hooted. His freckled cheeks flared up in a flush. "...but, I've gotta admit, I liked what you had on before better."

"The _towel?_" He snorted, still blushing.

"Yeth. The towel." I forced myself up off the couch, and gave him a peck on the cheek on my way to the hall. "I'm gonna go get drethhed mythelf, okay?"

"Okay." I loved putting that doofy little grin on his face, and he fact that it didn't take much to do exactly that.

As I walked off, I heard Drew mutter, "You two seriously need to get a _room_ sometime."

I felt immensely proud when Dan answered, "And you seriously need to get _laid_ sometime..._big brother._"


	9. What You Dream Is What You Get

**Kball: Please forgive Jason's fail baby noise. I'm not well-versed in baby noises.**

* * *

**_== Mage of Doom: Be Eridan._**

_== Eridan: Retuurrnn the Slaaaab...I Mean, Jason._

At midnight, I knocked on the door of the Wood apartment.

Mid-fucking-night. Usually Matt and Janice would have the courtesy to _get their child from their fuckin' babysitter_ after going off to go argue in some obscure NYC attraction.

I knocked on the apartment door, careful not to wake up the infant in the carrier I was holding. I knew from _experience_ how fast he could become a little heathen.

Matt opened the door, hair disheveled, a shirt noticeably missing. Based on the fact that he was wearing skinny jeans, I dared not look farther south than his face. I was used to this.

"Matthew Marshall," I hissed. "Do you _understand_ the fact that some people do not _fuck like w-wild animals all night long_ and desire for some goddamned _sleep_ ewery once in a w-while? Hm?"

Matt looked around uncomfortably. "Look, Eridan...look, I'm sorry, I just...can you watch Jason a little while longer? I know it's not the most responsible the to do, leaving your baby with your cousin's fiance all the time, but-"

"You're damn _right_ it ain't, I w-want some sleep!" Little Jason grimaced in his sleep. I instantly regretted raising my voice.

He sighed. "Look, I just...I don't want him here for a little while, okay?" He told me, lowering his voice. "Now, come on. Please go away."

Sigh. "Fine. W-whatewer. You ow-we me, got it?"

"Thanks, man! If you and Katie ever have kids, I swear I'll take babysitter duty."

And the apartment door was promptly slammed in my face.

Letting out a low growl in my throat, I headed back towards the elevator. Looks like I wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight.

_If we ever have children,_ I thought. _First we'd need to have sex..._

Now, I didn't have a problem with Kat wanting to wait. What I had a problem with was the fact that Matt got laid almost literally _every fucking night,_ and didn't hesitate to shove it under my nose. Sol, too, but I was much easier to access.

"Mraaww..." Oh, God. The little brat was waking up. "Mraaahhh!"

Sighing, I put the little carrier down and reached into the diaper bag I'd brought. There was a half-full bottle in there I'd heated up before leaving to return him.

"Jason, please don't end up a slut, like your father," I sighed while feeding him the bottle. "It'd be a real shame."

Right after I said that, I realized the second reason why I'd stormed over there, and that I'd failed to complete my mission.

Janice still had my cellphone.

_== Eridan: Be Matt._

_**== Prince of Mind: Repent.**_

I may have accidentally revealed my "secret job" to Janice, but there were more than a few reasons I kept it a secret. Most of them I didn't tell her.

First, there was the constant schedule...I was the most popular pianist at Bass Notes, so naturally, Nick had me there on most weekends. And with the fact that we didn't close until eleven, that kept me out later than I would with Janice.

And the numbers. God, almost every weekend, the fake top hat I kept at the edge of the stage for tips would be filled to the brim with horny 20-something year old girls's phone numbers. The ones that went to my high school didn't understand I wasn't putting out for everyone anymore.

Speaking of high school...ugh. Thinking of that chlorine-bleached tumor makes my head hurt.

In the beginning of 9th grade, still in the wake of the Jatt breakup catastrophe, I'd sort of...well...okay, I'd hooked up with my worst enemy. In a restroom stall, nonetheless.

And by worst enemy, I don't mean "Oh, well, I'm sure there was just a misunderstanding..." None of that bull. I seriously would not mind it if he was murdered violently and then his corpse was set on fire by Hades' piss. That's how far in matrimonious hatred I was with this man.

"Who was that?"

I strode through the apartment, grabbing a bag of sour cream & onion chips from the kitchen in my wake. "Oh, it was just...it was Eridan."

"Oh...did he bring Jason by? Is he okay?"

Grabbing the bag of chips out of my hand with my teeth, I opened the bedroom door and nodded.

"Jason's fine," I reassured her. "I just wanted to give you and I a little more alone time."

It still scares the shit out of me to say Jason's name and know that little infant was _my_ child. _My_ son. Okay, well, _our_ child, but every guy wants to say "my son".

To be honest, we were only watching a movie. But, this was my _favorite_ movie...it was _Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. _Call it ironic, call it sadistic, I don't care; I loved the special effect for the blood, when Sweeney slit people's throats.

I climbed in the bed, over the covers, and shared a little grin with Janice. She loved the movie as much as I did.

**_== Prince of Mind:__ Fast Forward._**

Halfway through the movie, Janice got a text. While she checked her phone, I paused the DVD and read over her shoulder.

**-greenGod [GG] began pestering girlyAnderson [GA]-**

**GG: Hey, Janice! Its been a while!**

**GG: (;**

I raised my eyebrow. "Who is _this?_" I knew exactly who it was, by the sea-green text.

Janice shrugged. "I don't know...here, look, I'll ask."

**GA: Umm...who the hell are you?**

**GG: Its Aaron. Remember high school? We used to date.**

"Oh, God..." She tapped her head against the backboard.

I snickered. "You used to _date_ the creep?"

"N-not even!" She was quick to the defense. "We went out to the movies, like...once or twice. It was the summer after 8th grade."

Oh...she'd hooked up with him in the aftermath, too. That sounded like an Aaronish thing to do; go after two people at once and see who he could get.

**GA: Oh my God. Aaron, I haven't seen you in over a year.**

**GA: Go. Away. Nobody likes you.**

**GG: Aw Janice...**

**-girlyAnderson [GA] blocked greenGod [GG]!-**

Janice leaned her head back again and groaned.

"_Auuggghhh_," She howled. "Some people just don't give up."

Something about that didn't seem right. "Have you seen Aaron since..." I had trouble getting it out. We all still did. "...since The Game?"

Sburb no longer had a name to our little group. We simply called it "The Game".

"Like, once...a year and a half ago, I think," Janice admitted. "When Kathryn and I went to the mall to get maternity clothes. Aaron found us in the food court and forced an introduction, and, like...stalked us the whole day."

I frowned. "He _knows_ about me, right?"

"Of course! I'm not letting that freak hit on me without reminding him you'll kill him!"

My frown disappeared when I recalled how many times I had, in fact, threatened to put my foot so far up Aaron's ass that he'd be coughing up my orange Reeboks for a week. I couldn't help grinning.

"Hey. C'mere." I put my arm around Janice's shoulders, and she snuggled into my side. I played _Sweeney Todd_ again, and fast forwarded to her favorite song.

"_Nothin's gonna harm you...not while I'm around._" Soft and horribly off-key, I sang along with Toby. "_Nothin' gonna harm you, no sir! Not while I'm around..._"

Janice rolled her eyes, and gave me playful kiss on the cheek. "You're the cheesiest idiot I've ever met, Matt."

"Ah, but you have met me?"

**_== Prince of Mind:__ Nightmare._**

_Back in that snowy forest. Back in my orange hoodie. Back with two sharpened carving knives clenched hard in my fists._

_**Finally fell asleep,** **hmm?** The familiar voice in my head was very distinctly a woman._

_I threw one of my knives down on the ground. "Dammit! I thought we killed you!"_

_**Ha. Haven't you figured it out yet?** This was my most interactive nightmare yet. **Why I'm only in your dreams, when your dream self is long gone?**_

_My blood ran cold just at "dream". I knew this wasn't a dream...but what could she be referring to?_

_"Leave me alone." For the first time in a long time, I sounded like a scared little kid. "I'm finally happy now I'm **away** from you...why can't you drop it? I killed your connection to me!"_

_That connection was the only thing keeping her alive. After she took a part of my mind, she became just as immortal as my dream self made me, but I'd completely broken it when I ascended._

_**But what happens after you become a risen God Tier, you stupid Prince?**_

_"Derse is gone." I was much more confident about this. "It fell apart with Sburb. You couldn't possibly still be alive...Janice killed you, and we reset everything!"_

_**Along with Alternia. Make sure to tell that to the homesick little Karkat, hm?**_

_Oh my God. Alternia rerose because the trolls had been with us..._

_"No! No, you're lying! You can't still...you...you can't be..."_

**_Get ready, Matthew. Because after the happy little occasion next week, you're going to have a Thief's hell to pay._**

**_== Prince of Mind: Call Your_ _Family._**

I woke up, in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat. Just to be sure, I looked to my right, and saw Janice curled up in a dark, asleep.

_She's still here._ Quietly, I tiptoed out of bed and went to check on Jason, who I'd picked up before going to sleep. He was sleeping in his crib, perfectly and obliviously happy.

"You need to get a grip, Wood." I went into the bathroom and splashed some cold water from the tap on my face. "N-no one's back...Her Imperious Condescension has been dead for four years..."

I hated to think that Katie and Eri's special day would get ruined by Armageddon. But, HIC would be bringing those damned angels, and...well...those weren't good.

Still a little shaky from my nightmare, I got my cellphone and took it out to the living room. I looked through my contacts, and found a special number. It took only a second to dial, even with the long-distance.

"Oi...christ, who is this? It's three in the bloody morning!" Four rings, and he picked up.

I sighed. "Jack, it's...it's your brother."

A long pause. "Oh...Matt. Matt! Wow, ain't gotten a call from _you_ in a while...what is it, now?"

Jack didn't play games; he knew I had a very good reason to call this late.

"I wanted to know if...if we could all come down for a little while after the wedding," I asked. "It's been a pretty hard few weeks...and it'd be nice to see my little brother for once."

Jackson was only a year younger than me, but he was kind of the reason our mom and my dad left. Dad'd had an affair with some British lady he'd met when I was one, and...well, Jackson just happened. Then Momma left Dad, but Dad won my custody. Jackson's mom had kept full custody of him.

"Of course, Matt. You an' Janice an' all of you can ride the plane home with me afterwards; I don't mind."

After finishing high school, Jackson had used his mother being a rick lawyer to his advantage, and bought a sweet cabin out in the country to live in. We'd all been to visit a couple of times, since he was Carlisle and Katie's cousin just like me.

"Okay...th-thanks, Jackson."

"Before you hang up, what's wrong? You sound...I dunno...shaken."

"I'll tell you later...after the wedding. Okay? Now get some sleep, Jack. I love you."

"Love you, too...get some sleep, too, geez..." He hung up.

I ended up passing out on the couch after that conversation; then, woke up several minutes later, when Jason woke up like a bitch out of hell and decided he was hungry.


	10. Dressy Clothes

_== Eridan: Get Ready._

"Oh my _cod_, Matt, is this _really_ necessary?"

"Yes. In the highest degree." In defiance, Matt slightly tightened the violet bowtie around my neck.

"Ugh," I groaned. "Maybe, after this is over, your handiwork'll end up _stranglin'_ me to death."

The day of the wedding. I'd stayed over at Matt's place the night before so he could help me get dressed that morning; Janice had stayed at mine to help with Kathryn.

Matt grimaced. "You know, you complain a_ lot_ for someone who's marrying someone he claims to be the love of his life."

"You've been a bad mood all morning," I snapped back. "Don't take it out on me."

I knew for a fact why he was in a bad mood. Matt didn't think anyone knew, but I'd heard him thrashing around on his bed in the bedroom the night before. I knew about the nightmares; I _knew_ he hadn't had any sleep for days.

There were a lot of things I found myself knowing about Matt...none of them good, all of them hopeless.

I frowned as I flattened out my suit, shifting uncomfortably. Janice and Matt'd had me buy a new suit for the occasion since I had outgrown the one I'd worn at their wedding.

"I don't give a fuck if you don't like it, you're going to wear it!" Matt just completely blew up, then he stormed off to his bedroom.

Sighing, I had no choice to follow.

"Matt..." I sighed. "Matt, come back here. I know-w you're tired, but c'mon!"

He stopped dead in the hallway. "What?"

"I heard you w-walkin' around last night. I _know-w_ you didn't sleep at all. Is ewerythin' okay?"

To be honest, it wasn't just Matt's personality that worried me; he looked ragged to the bone, like he was constantly worried to _death._ And there were gray streaks already in his hair, and I'd been told humans don't have their hair grow gray until they're much older.

"I've..." Matt sighed, and turned around. He ran his fingers through his bushy blonde hair. "It's nothing. I'mma get changed."

Before Matt could walk into his bedroom and lock the door, I reached out like a lighning bolt and grabbed his wrist. I squeezed hard.

"Tell me." I could tell from the color draining from Matt's face I looked menacing. "Tell me _now-w._"

"After I get dressed." Matt regained his composure and peeled my figners off of him so he could leave. I heard the lock click after he shut the door.

This was irritating. "Augh! You're so _irritatin'!_" Matt had no right to make me worry like this.

For once, I didn't get an answer. Matt must have been so tired he couldn't even think of a smart aleck comment. That thought made me do the nicest thing I'd done all morning.

"W-why don't you sleep for a lit'l w-while before you get dressed?" I offered through the door. "I'll w-wake you up with plenty of time...I sw-wear."

More silence. Then, Matt wearily answered, "Th-thanks, Eridan, but...no. I'm good."

_Ugh...Eridan, you idiot,_ I chided myself. _You know how stubborn that idiot is. He'll run himself right down to the **bone** if you let_ _him._

_== Eridan: Be Your Bride._

_**== Seer of Hope: Advise Janice.**_

"Kathryn? Can...can I ask you a question?"

Janice pulled my hair back into an uncomfortably high ponytail. "Sure."

She hesitated. "Well, I...I don't know. Matt's been acting really weird lately, like he's hiding somethnig again, and...well, like I said, I don't know what to do."

"Weir-hey! Ow!" She accidentally tugged my hair back. "Weird how?"

I felt her arms lift in a shrug. "Like...he's been pretty moody, and more stubborn than usual. And when I say mood, I don't mean Matt-style moody; I mean some kind of superhero moody."

As if Matt could be moodier. "I don't know...has he been getting enough sleep?"

"As far as I know. I mean, sometimes he gets up in the middle of the night, but he always comes back to bed..."

She could not be this stupid. Janice was a smart girl; no _way_ she was this stupid.

I rolled my eyes. "Janice, sweetheart...laying down and getting a night's rest are two _completely_ different concepts. He's sleep deprived."

"Well, you don't have to be snippy with me!" Janice pouted.

Janice took my hair down from a ponytail, and "humph"-ed. I was starting to believe she had no idea what she was doing with my hair; no normal human being spends half an hour on a damn ponytail.

Finally, after what felt like hours, she decided to just curl it. I had no choice but to trust her judgement; I had never worked on my hair in my life. I had no sense of style.

"If Matt can't get to sleep at night, why won't he just _tell_ me?" Janice wondered aloud. "I mean, he tells me...almost...everything else."

"I don't know, Janice. I'm not a mind reader." She seemed really worried about this little problem.

To be honest, I hadn't been sleeping that great lately, either. The problem was, I could never _remember_ what it was in my dreams to make me so restless. And that's just not like me.

She kept on worrying about Matt's apparent sleeping issue, while still curling my hair. I wasn't exactly "excited" at have her operating a heated object so close to my face, but whatever. It's not like she could kill me.

Finally, after about ten more minutes, Janice hairsprayed my hair so the curls would hold. They did, and I'll say, they held very nicely.

"Alright. Stand up!" Janice seemed really pleased with her handiwork. "Let's go to the bathroom to check it out!"

Once she got me in front of the bathroom mirror, I have to admit, I didn't look too bad. My hair was curled, obviously, but not ringlet-curled. More wavy. My dress hugged my body nicely, although I did look a bit chubby...

"Honey, you look beautiful." Really, I'd never known rough, tough Janice to be this motherly. Maybe growing up was really making her nicer.

To be honest, Janice wasn't exactly ugly herself. And _she_ didn't need makeup to make it happen, either; maybe it was her olive skin or maybe it was her blue-black hair and violet eyes, but that girl had some kind of natural beauty that would have turned me into an axe murderer to have.

"Okay, c'mon," She ordered impatiently. "It's already nine in the morning, and I haven't even had breakfast yet. Bacon?"

"Read. My. Mind."

**_== Seer of Hope: Be Carlisle._**

_== Carlisle: Get Dressed._

"Wow..._wow_, kid, you seriously need to stop growing. Smoke a cigarette or something, Jesus Christ, you're taller than I am, and I'm-"

"Two years older than me," I recited back. "Dan, it's only, like...a year and a half?"

The whole time Dan had been rehemming me into his brother's old suit, Dan kept on nagging about how much I'd been growing since I was thirteen. Now I was only eighteen, and already 5'10. Not bad.

Dan, meanwhile, was a tiny, skinny little 5'4 pixie. Tavros was literally the only one out of all of us shorter than him, and even then, by an inch. God, Sollux looked like a _giant_ next to Dan.

The man...boy in question was already dressed and decked out, in a crisp little burgundy tuxedo that actually _fit_ him. Apparently, being adopted meant I inherited Drew's clothes form now on, and his suit was _way_ too big.

Dan looked around questioningly, working on the last touch; tying my tie. Instead of a bowtie or a clip-on, Dan wanted me to "be dressed as a respectable best man".

"Carlisle...are you sure you wanna go through with this...?" Ever since the engagement was announced, I'd been giving Eridan quite the cold shoulder. "Nobody is forcing you, y'know; you really don't have to come if you don't want to."

I shook my head firmly. "I owe it to Katie, Dan; if I have to stand by that dickhead for God knows how long, then dammit, _I'll do it._"

Quite predictably, I was a part of the string of nightmares everyone had been having. And, as always, I was hiding them; Dan would put _freak out_ if he knew they were back, after six months.

Only Drew and Sollux knew. They were the ones who woke me up in the middle of the night for a cup of warm milk and a tablet of melatonin.

"Oh, Car...you've got huge bags under your eyes." Shit! He noticed. "Have you been sleeping at night? You look awful tired..."

"I'm fine," I confirmed, a little too abruptly, before pulling away. Dan was done tying, anyway. He gave me a lingering, concerned look.

Sometimes, it was nice having Dan act like a doting mother all the time. But, sometimes, he could be a little...overbearing. Like I was still that little kid he found dying on a slab of rock.

Dan grinned, looking very self-satisfied. The gel in his slicked-back hair made it look even redder, almost ginger.

I snickered. He frowned. "_What?_"

"You've got...you've got something sticking..." I laughed again, smoothing down a tuft of hair with my thumb. "There. You looked like you had some kinda _horn._"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Oh, _ha ha_, Mister Comedian." Consciously, he still patted down his hair a bit. "This hair gel was a stupid idea."

If anyone could be _too_ self-conscious, it would be Dan. He was worse than _Vriska_ in the vanity department.

"Hey, at least now we don't _both_ look like we belong at Woodstock."_  
_


	11. Carlisle

_== Carlisle: It's Time._

I have to admit, Eridan didn't look half bad in his violet tuxedo.

We all made it a "thing" to have our wedding attire in our Pesterchum/Trollian colors, except for the strangers Matt and Sollux had invited from their jobs. It obviously wasn't hard for me to find a black suit.

I've never understood the difference between and tux and a suit. I mean, literally the only difference is the tie. So what if I wore a long tie instead of a gay little bow tie?

Sudden, everybody stood up, and the piano started playing. I snapped to attention.

Since there was a natural lack of parents, and Matt had been a titty baby over it, Sollux was the one giving Kathryn away. It _would_ have been Matt, but he made a big Matt-ish hissy fit of having himself ordained over the internet so he could do the ceremony his own self.

Anyway, Kathryn looked beautiful. She was practically _floating_ on Sollux's arm, she looked so happy. Her face was all done up with blush and rose-colored eyeshadow and matching lipstick, and her hair was curled a little. Janice had done well.

It wasn't a long way to the pulpit. Every step they took, my heartbeat got more erratic and I got even more jittery.

_Carlisle, get a grip,_ I ordered myself. _It isn't even_ **_your _**_wedding and you're a wreck._

Matt noticed my little panic attack, and sent me a little half-grin. When Kathryn took her place in front of him, he cleared his throat and readjusted the open bible he was holding.

"Dearly beloved..." He began, in an obviously fake deep voice. "We are gathered here today to celebrate...well, okay, a pretty unusual union between Kathryn Ball and Eridan Ampora."

About half the church, including Eridan and Kathryn, chuckled. Even I did.

Okay, I'm going to be the best one of us narrating the wedding, but I'll spare the details. Although, I will admit, Janice carried Jason out in a little orange suit, and he was carrying the rings on a tiny pillow, and it was so precious and sweet I almost vomited.

But, to be honest, none of the real fun started until the reception.

* * *

**Kball: Sorry this chapter is so _ridiculously_ short. I've been feeling lazy. XD**

**Kball: But, at least I left one of my cliffhangers!**


	12. Trust Me, Guys

**AOF: I'm sorry about the sudden name change. Let's just say I have to go a little...incognito.**

**AOF: I'm still the same authoress, though! I promise!**

* * *

_== Carlisle: Be Matt._

_**== Prince of Mind: Rant About Family.**_

I'll get Carlisle for that "titty baby" crack. And for saying I have "Mattish fits" or whatever it was. I _will_ get him_,_ and I _will_ make it look like a bloody accident.

But, that's beside the point. Today was about Eri and Katie, not about Carlisle pissing me off. We had to be happy.

Happy, happy, happy...

The ceremony was short and simple. They'd wanted it that way because, bless his cold little violet-pumping heart, Eridan really had trouble keeping up with our customs. Poor alien bastard.

My baby brother was there. Sitting a few rows back from the front row, sitting next to Nick. Grinning at me with his impossible pearly-whites.

I've always been so jealous of Jack, ever since I first saw a picture of him that his moms had mailed me. We had the same orangey blonde hair, but he was a lot tanner and shorter than me, being younger. But what I was jealous of had to be that kid's eyes.

Jack had the clearest, bluest eyes I'd ever seen. The kind I would kill to get. The kind I used to buy in contact form to try and hide my orange peepers. _Those_ eyes, the kind teenage girl fantasize about.

Anyway. Enough about that, you can't even touch because I'm married _and_ imaginary.

After the wedding ceremony was over, most everybody went home. Most of the guests weren't invited to the reception. Those of us who _were_(basically just us humans, the trolls, Nick, and Jackie) had been personally instructed by myself to go home after the ceremony and dress for clubbing.

Except for Jack. The scatterbrain had decided to _show up to the wedding_ in jeans and a blue-and-white striped t-shirt, right off of the plane he'd taken from Alabama.

My baby brother may have been a beautiful lad, right out of college, but sometimes, he was plain _stupid._

"Sorry about barging in the place in such informal attire, Matt. I didn't have anything better; remind me to apologize to Eri and Kat later, okay?"

"Okay..." He was riding home with Janice and I, in the back seat, with Jason. Jason loved his uncle, but the looks of it. He kept babbling at Jack and trying to pet his face like he did with Eridan.

"Oh, wow! Is this the little nephew I've never gotten a bloody _picture_ of?" Jack asked dryly.

I sighed. Sometimes the concept of having a brother was an annoying; props to Janice. She had two.

"Jack, could you _shut up?_" I growled, flexing my fingers against the steering wheel of my Hummer. "We're at a stoplight. And I'd greatly appreciate it if, when the light turns green, I wasn't so distracted as to take out a poor little _pedestrian_."

In the rear-view mirror, Jack looked crushed. "Oh...okay, Matt. I'll be quiet."

"Appreciated." I was still a little iffy because I was tired. Once all this was over, my bed would be my best friend.

Don't get me wrong. I _love_ my kid brother. At this point, Jack was the only real family I had left; after The Game, I'd completely cut myself off from my father. Now that I could choose to, I didn't want to contact him ever again. Not that horrible man.

Oh, sure, I consider Katie and Carlisle "real" family, but...it's just different. Cousins just aren't like a mother and father and a brother. You don't know how much I'd give to bring my mom back.

"Matt...Matt! Matt, the road!"

"Whoa!" I nearly drove us straight into another car. Damn.

_I can't start remembering all that now, _I thought. _Tonight's a happy occasion. You can reminisce tonight, when you're allowed to bum yourself out._

I never liked remembering about Momma. Or my father, for that matter. It was just too much.

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Dan._**_  
_

**_== Prince of Time: Party Time!_**

Matt had done a great job with that club he worked at, Bass Notes.

The whole room that was basically the club was decorated in violet and pink streamers, and on a big table Matt must have brought in himself, there was a huge white sheetcake with violet and rose-colored flowers that said in black icing, "Congratulations, Eri and Katie!" There was also beer on the table and, for those of us underage(Carlisle and I...), there were a couple of cans of Coke. Not to mention a bunch of other munchies.

Even the mini-stage in the back was decorated. There were more pink and purple streamers hung from the rafters above, and matching foil ballons. Matt'd even replaced his keyboard for two big speakers hooked up to his orange laptop.

Matt half-jogged up the stage, grabbing the solo microphone up there. He looked a lot more comfortable in a t-shirt and jeans than he ever did in that stiff suit and tie.

"Hey, this on?" It wasn't he flicked it on. "Better. Ai'ight. I'm pretty sure I don't have to explain to you guys why we're here; you're an intelligent bunch, or are you just good fakers?"

A couple of scattered snickers at Matt's lame jokes. Most of us were still pretty stiff from sitting in that church for an hour.

Like Matt mentioned, not many of the wedding guests were invited to the reception; not even all the trolls were. Just us who were still relatively close-knit; me, Drew, Sollux, Matt, Janice, Karkat, Feferi, Carlisle, Matt's little brother...and that creepy dude who Matt worked for, simply because the club was his.

"Ai'ight, cool," Matt muttered into the mic, sitting down in front of his laptop. "Now, to start this reception thing, I'm gonna ask the newly-wed Mr. and Mrs. Ampora to make their way to the middle of the room, in front of the cake. First dance."

Nobody made their way to the middle. "Eri! Katie! Dancefloor, _now._"

They finally got the picture. Eridan, in his old Aquarius shirt and blue/purple pants, and Kathryn in jeans and her old rose-pink t-shirt, went to the middle of the floor. We all cleared out to make room.

"Now, I'm gonna pay a song that I hear y'all heard enough times on that meteor," Matt rambled. "I don't care. Eridan and Kathryn want it, so deal with it."

He pressed a key on his laptop, and a song started playing. A song we all hated.

"_Elevators and buttons in morning air..._" Holy. Moses. _Fuck_ no! Not _this_ old song! "_Strangers' silence makes me wanna take the_ _stairs._"

**_== Prince of Time: Be Kathryn._**

**_== Seer of Hope:__ Dance._**

It was really sweet of Matt to play _Ours_ for mine and Eridan's first dance. It was even sweeter when Drew was the only person to complain, and only with one whispered "Shit..."

I'd never danced before. Not even at Matt's wedding. I still am a _terrible_ dancer, I practically have two left feet...

"Kat...you're steppin' all ower me..." Eridan had a secret little snaggle-toothed grin. I loved that smile; I loved it the first time I _saw_ it.

"S-sorry. Nerves." Eridan draped his arm protectively around my waist, wrapping his fingers around my belt.

We weren't even actually _dancing_, really. Just moving side-to-side sort of to the beat of the song. After a minute, I laid my head down on his shoulder.

Eridan still smelled like the ocean. I think he would have still smelled like the beach no matter what, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

We danced to a couple more songs before retreating for drinks. Matt really went all out when he chose songs from his iTunes account; there was Taylor Swift, P!nk, Maroon 5, fun., and even Panic! At the Disco.

I was still pretty nervous about drinking. As nervous as when I was 14. My daddy started drinking heavy after Charles died, and...well, it wasn't pretty to watch.

Gently, Eridan wrapped his hand around my wrist, and clicked my plastic cup to his.

"Cheers?" He offered, grinning again. I knew he wanted me to lighten up, just a little.

Grinning back weakly, I took a quick swig of beer. "Cheers."

Beer tastes nasty and horrible and bitter. Medicine bitter. I don't see how Drew and Matt could practically go through _gallons_ of the shit. It's like they have super livers.

After a while, I switched to drinking some of Carlisle and Dan's Coke, and Eridan didn't mind. I could see the sour face he was making when he took another sip of that foul stuff.


	13. The Cake Is A Lie

**_== Seer of Hope: Be Dan._**

**_== Prince of Time: Drama._**

The reception started around six-thirty, so I guess it was about an hour and a half before the real mess happened.

It was Drew's fault. He's never had much experience with self-control; once he started drinking, you could be sure that he'd get drunk. That's why I didn't let Sollux buy _any_ beer; because I knew my brother'd go overboard.

"'Eyyy, Dan!" The heavy arm he slung around my shoulder scared the shit out of me.

I could smell beer on his breath, and whiskey. Where did _that_ come from? Must have been Matt. He's the alcohol fiend of our little clique.

"H-hey...Drew." I slowly tried to slide under his arm, and quickly scanned the room for Vriska. I did _not_ like Drew when he was like this. Lowering my voice, I added, "You promised..."

"Yah, I know." I'd never seen him grin like the Cheshire Cat before. "Bu', iss a party, y'know? I jus' wanned t'loosen up."

God. He was obliterating the majority of the English language in one go.

I shook my head, laughing a little nervously. "M-maybe...maybe you sh-should g-go home, Dr-Dr-Drew..."

"Uh-uh." Just when I was almost out of his death grip, the man who was drunker than the average bear tightened his death grip.

I managed to drag Drew over to a quiet little wall, which was a bit difficult, considering how small the club was.

"Dr-Drew..." I stammered. "M-maybe...maybe you should head on home. I'll get Vriska to go ahead and drive you home?"

To my shock, Drew pushed me. "No! I don't _wanna!_"

Where _was_ that stupid moirail of his? "Drew, please. Don't do this."

He narrowed his eyes at me like he didn't even recognize me. "'Ey. You ain't my ma; don' tell me whatta do."

"Drew!" I shouted, losing my temper.

My big brother, the one I admired and worshipped, raised his hand and struck me across the face with the back of it.

It hurt, of course; Drew had actually slapped me so hard, my back hit the wall. Matt, on the stage, left his laptop undefended to come to my rescue.

"Drew!" Drew barely recognized the shout of anger.

I cowered, a little. Suddenly I was four years old again, back at the mercy of our then-brutal sister. I must've been white as a sheet.

A look of realization came over Drew's face. He looked like a bad little kid who knew he went too far.

"Dan...I..."

I did what I do best; I bolted off, to the closest room. The men's room.

**_== Prince of Time: Be Matt._**

**_== Prince of Mind:__ Guilt._**

I should have done something about Drew before he hit Dan. I saw that angry look in his eyes; I _recognized_ that look.

This was something I'd become well-aquainted with, but I didn't like it. Lack of control. I should have left my laptop earlier and knocked some sense into that grizzly bear before he laid one hand on Dan.

We all hit each other before, but you did _not_, under any circumstance, slap or push or lay one single finger on Daniel Marche Anderson with malicious intent.

I don't know why. It's just...well, besides Carlisle, Dan was the baby. The smallest "adult", the one who reminded us of a puppy. Dan was too sweet to try to hurt.

When Dan darted into the men's room, I marched off the stage to beat the tar out of Drew.

But, Vriska was already on it; she was dragging her moirail off by the ear, muttering swears in Alternian. Girl works fast.

Sollux was on this immediately. You'd think more people would've cared, or at least noticed.

"Matt, what happened with Drew?" Sollux's black eyebrows furrowed in worry.

I rolled my eyes and, looking to the ceiling, prayed to whatever deity cared to listen that I needed moral strength. "He slapped Dan in the face. Now Dan's in the bathroom and Vriska's off dragging Drew back to coherance. Familiar much, Captor?"

Sollux rolled his eyes, too, and slouched against the wall. "God fucking _dammit!_"

This story with Drew and Dan was old news. Sollux may have been in love with Dan, but with mental stress like the twins can cause, even _love_ can reach it's limits.

"Same shit, different day, huh?" I sighed. I could've really gone for a smoke right then.

Sollux nodded, pulling out his cellphone. This felt a lot like the night Jason was born.

That reminded me... _Call Jason Senior after this to check up._ Janice and I'd named Jason after, ironically, Aaron's little brother. We'd always said we'd name our first son after Jason Sr. if we got old and had kids, but I didn't remember until she brought it up.

"Tell everybody not to go in there, okay? I'm gonna talk to Dan." Sollux slipped inside the bathroom, leaving me alone.

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Sollux._**

**_== Mage of Doom: Be Comforting._**

Another night with a problem between Drew and Dan. What else is new?

Dan was sitting in the corner of the small, dimly-lit men's room, sniffling. I didn't know why one little slap could make him freak out so badly.

"Dan...?" I asked tentatively. "Are you okay?"

He sniffled. "I...I'm fine. Little scared, but I'm fine. Is...?"

"VK took him off," I assured him. "But, why'd you freak out tho bad?" I sat down on the floor in fornt of Dan, praying Matt had mopped the bathrooms when he got the place ready.

Dan shrugged. "J-Jani...Janice used to smack me and Drew around when we were younger...Drew promised me one time after a fight on the meteor that he'd never hit me again. Is...is there a bruise...?"

A little worried myself, I gently took Dan's chin in my hand and turned his cheek towards me.

"No. You're clear." It was still a little red, but I wouldn't tell him that.

Dan smiled a little, then said something I couldn't quite make out.

I snickered. "_What?_" I asked.

His smile got a little bigger, and he flushed a little. "Kiss it better?"

The way he was so shy about asking, it was adorable. I took Dan cheek in my hand, and I gave him a big one, right where the skin was still flushed.

"Better?"

"Mm...little to the right, it'll feel even better." That little tease.

I readjusted myself on the cramped bathroom floor, and gave Dan a tiny little peck on the corner of his mouth. Outside, Matt was playing that asinine Adele song from that asinine new James Bond movie.

While I distracted myself momentarily with Matt's asinine choice of music, Dan leaned forward and forced a kiss on me. I could feel his lips turn up in a smile, and I followed.

"You thneaky little thhit." I took Dan by the hand, and pulled him to his feet. "Do you think you're gonna be okay to get on out of here?"

"Uh-huh."

My phone buzzed. While Dan unlocked the door, I checked the message.

**-animatedAsshole [AA] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]-**

**AA: sollux theyre about to cut the cake either get out here or dont have any cake**

**AA: and since i baked it myself you WILL eat yourself some cake beanpole**

I rolled my eyes, and when Dan opened the door, I shouted out of it, "Thtop nagging me, Matt, you're worsthe than Drew!"

* * *

**AOF: I'm sorry this chapter seems a little rushed. I'd intended on posting it before my state testing began, but now that I've gone through a whole subject, that's obviously not what happened.**

**AOF: I also cut out what may have been very well any CarDan shipper's own perosnal hell. So, you're welcome.**


	14. Jethuth

**_== Mage of Doom: Be Kathryn._**

**_== Seer of Hope: Drama, Round__ 2._**

Eridan and I spent a good portion of the night dancing and talking, and basically having a good time. Had I noticed what had went down with the twins, I would have done something.

Around eight-thirty, Matt called everyone back to the big table in the middle, so Eridan and I could cut the cake.

When I picked up the knife, the finger's on Matt's left hand curled inward, but only for a second. He clenched his fist closed tight, so tight I thought his fingernails would pinch skin.

_The fuck...?_ It was only a knife. He'd practically undergone some sort of reflex.

Eridan and I cut up the sheet cake together, his hand over mine, then we shoved the first pieces in each other's faces. He nearly got me in the eyes, and I managed to hit him on the nose.

We may have missed each other's mouths, just a _tiny_ bit.

Of course, Matt had made sure to make a vanilla cake, with vanilla icing. Carlisle seriously _was_ deadly allergic to chocolate.

Eridan and I didn't stay long after the cake was cut, but we stayed long enough to see Dan become a violent little heathen.

This is the story, as I had it gathered up afterwards: Dan had casually walked into the men's room, and found Feferi making out with Sollux over the sink. Dan went ballistic, and practically tried to tear Feferi's head away from her shoulders. Matt and Jackson had to both carry him out, with Sollux running after Dan after shoving Feferi into the aforementioned sink.

Now, I loved Sollux to pieces. He was still a bit like a big brother to me. But, to do _that_...to actually _cheat_ on Dan...well, that was unforgivable.

I almost tried to walk back inside, but Eridan and I were already half-snuck out. Dan stormed past us, throwing his car keys out into the street and screaming, "_Fuck!_"

Then, he kicked the tire of his car, and smashed his knee against the driver's side door.

You couldn't help but _watch_ Dan abuse the car Sollux gave him for his birthday. It was, if anything, fascinating to watch Dan handle what Sollux had done. Meanwhile, the car alarm was blaring straight to hell to wake up Cerberus.

"_Take your fucking car back!_" Dan picked up the keys he'd thrown, and threw them at the window so hard, he shattered the glass. Dan literally busted the windows out his own car.

Finally, Eridan wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Erm...let's find out the w-whole story tomorrow."

"Yeah." We scurried to our little Mercury before Dan could turn on us.

Eridan slid into the driver's seat, calmly turning on the car. When he backed up, he gave me a little side-grin and slid his fingers between mine.

"So, Mrs. Ampora?" He asked expectantly. "W-what d'ya think?"

I looked through the back window worriedly. "I think we should've done something to ca-"

"Shh." Eridan put one to my lips. "Not Dan. About what's just happened tonight."

"Oh." I really didn't know what to think. "I don't...I don't think we have any idea what we're getting ourselves into." I added a nervous little giggle.

Eridan laughed, too. He wrapped his hand around mine again. "W-well, w-we didn't w-when w-we w-were playin' Sburb, either, but look at us now. Still here, right?"

_== Seer of Hope: **Be Danny Boy.**_

_**== Prince of Time: Freak the Fuck Out.**_

After I found Sollux and Feferi in the bathroom together, I'd hurt myself more than when I'd battered our-now his-car. I'd been so angry, I hadn't noticed Eridan and Kathryn at all.

Once I was finished and my adrenaline wore off, tears streaming down my face, I called a cab.

After telling the cabbie where to drop me off, I pulled my cellphone from the pocket of my jeans. Through my blurred vision, it was a little difficult to work the lock.

"Hon, are you okay?" The person driving the cab was a lady. "You seem really-"

"I-I'm fine." I dialed the home phone. Hopefully, Drew was already passed out.

Ring...ring...ring...

"Hey, who is this?" Bingo. "It's, like, ten. Christ."

I sniffled. "V-Vrisk. I need you to do something for me, okay?"

"Dan? Are you crying?" She instantly shifted to 'caring' mode. "What happened? Who's dying?"

"Vriska. Listen. I w-want you to thr-throw all of S-Sollux's stuff out into the hallway, 'cept for o-our laptop ch-charger and h-his Gemini t-shirt. I-I'm ki-kicking him out."

She paused before answering. "Dan...I don't think you understand what you just said. You just told me to-"

"_Just do it!_" I screeched. "I don't care what you think I meant! Throw out all of Sollux's stuff, and _throw it into the hall!_ I don't want to ever see him again after tonight!"

Vriska sucked in a sharp breath, then sighed. "Alright. We'll talk when you get home, okay? I assume you want food?"

Sniffle. "P-pizza, if you don't mind."

"Don't mind if I order. Do _you_ mind if I use Sollux's wallet? I'm really broke."

Even I had to let out a shaky little snicker. "D-do it. R-run 'im dr-dry, for all I care."

A couple of blocks later, I was at the apartment. I gave the cabbie lady a 20 dollar bill, not even caring if I had change back.

The elevator ride to the second floor was one of the longest experiences of my life. Vriska was waiting for me at the door, along with a rather large pile of clothes and electronics.

"C'mon in, Dan, and fill me in on all that went down. Pizza'll be here in a couple minutes."

Arm around my shoulders, she lead me in. i could hear Drew snoring away like a hacksaw in their bedroom.

I told Vriska the whole story; starting when Sollux went into the bathroom, not even keeping out the details about me trashing the convertible.

She laughed when I was done. "Nice, Dan. About the car, I mean. Not Sollux. That tall, lanky fishfucker could probably find a better home in hell than try and come back home tonight."

In the back of my mind, I couldn't help hoping someone was on Sollux's side. Anyone. I couldn't believe he'd throw what we had up in the air like that, but he didn't deserve total damnation.

When Feferi had cheated on Sollux, I remember that at least _Eridan_ had had her back...

**_== Prince of Time: Be Janice._**

_== Janice: Momma Bear Time._

When Dan ran out of Bass Notes crying his eyes out, instead of anyone following him(the _smart_ move), we all ganged up on Sollux. Feferi ran out the back door before I could beat the holy _shit_ out of her.

Matt's little brother, Jack, held up Sollux from under his arms to keep him from getting away, too. I walked right up to the mustard-blooded creep, and I slapped him.

"What the literal _**fuck**_ were you _thinking,_ Captor!" I shouted each individual word in its own sentance.

Everyone else sort of backed off, and I think Nick and a couple of trolls actually left. You don't just _fuck_ with Janice Wood's baby brother.

Sollux looked around, a little panicked. And maybe a little hurt, considering I probably slapped him harder than Drew'd hit Dan?

"JN! JN, you've got to litthen, it wathn't my fault!"

"Then who the hell was in there with Fef? Karkat?"

Cue a frustrated groan. I could probably have killed him on the spot, had this not been my husband's workplace. Would have killed the insurance rate.

"Dude. Feferi _jumped me!_" Sollux howled. "Thhe practically _thhoved her tongue down my throat!_ Do you really think I'd go back to that cheating _whore?_"

I'd never heard such a nasal voice go so loud, or so high, or so fast. Fran Drescher must have been proud at the moment. Or, is she the one that's dead? Are any of the _The Nanny_ characters dead yet?

"Jethuth, can you pleathe get thith piethe of _work_ to put me down? I've _got_ to go find Dan. Pleathe!"

He sounded...well, pretty genuine. We'd played a couple rounds of strip poker together, and I knew for a fact Sollux couldn't lie to save his life. He'd ended up stark naked within four rounds. Had Dan ever lost his virginity to Sollux, he would've been a lucky, lucky little boy.

Jack let Sollux back down on the ground(you'd never believe Matt's baby brother was taller than any of us!), and for the first time since the night we met, I watched Sollux break out running like a bat out of hell.

The entire time this went on, Matt had been taking a leak in the lady's room. He hadn't been able to hold it apparently.

_Ugh. I need liquor, now-ish._


	15. The Hangover, Part Drew

_== Mrs. Wood: Be Mr. Wood._

_**== Prince of Mind: Clean Up...Kind Of. Not Really.**  
_

Janice and I stayed until long after everyone else left, cleaning the place up. It'd been one of Nicolas' terms on lending the club to me for the night.

After getting most of the streamers and table covers up, I sat back in a chair. It was a lot more work than you'd think, bringing fifty pounds of decorations to the dumpster out back.

Janice sat across from me at the table, sighing. "Y'know, we never even got to dance."

Despite my best efforts, I felt guilty. If I hadn't have been taking my job as MC so seriously, I could've spent more time with Janice. But, no, except for the ten times when someone stirred trouble with Dan, I'd been on the stage or eating cake.

I stared a Janice a couple seconds. I loved her hair. It was that kind of Asian-black color that's kind of blue-black in the right light, even when it's not. Which fit beautifully with her obsession with the color purple.

Finally, I sighed, standing up and reaching my hand out. "Dance with me?"

Janice snorted. She literally. Snorted. "What?"

"You, me. Slow dance. Now?" I went back over to the stage, powered up my laptop, and started going through iTunes. "Please?"

This time, she laughed without involving her nasal cavity. "Fine. But, if you play one more Taylor Swift number, I'm burning your entire iTunes library. Deal?"

She took my outstretched hand. I laughed, too. "Deal."

We made our way to the faux dance floor I'd made, and got in dancing position. Hand on her hip, her hand on my shoulder, our other hands linked together out in the air.

Finally, the music started.

_"When I was younger, I saw_

_My daddy cry, and curse at the wind..."_

"You sweet little shit..." Janice mumbled down at our shoes, blushing. She knew that _The Only Exception_ reminded me of her.

Grinning, I started singing the next few lines softly into her ear, and I snaked my arm tighter around her waist.

I'd never considered myself a romance kind of guy, but I'd loved Janice since we'd met in kindergarten. Things like that are meant to be, right?

I started grinning even wider, and rested my cheek against her forehead. Janice was singing, too.

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Someone Else._**

_== Someone Else: Be the **Seer of Hope.**_

"No, no, no, w-we should do this _right._"

"Eridan, hon, you're kidding yourself. No way you can lift me up!"

Eridan was begging for me to let him carry me inside the apartment, bridal-style. We both knew I'd give in, but I wouldn't go down without a fight.

Finally, I sighed, crossing my arms and looking away. "Fine..."

"W-what?" There was a smug lilt in his voice.

I rolled my eyes, smiling. "I said, _fine._"

It took two tries, mostly because I didn't jump up the first time, but he eventually got me up in his arms. Flashing a toothy grin, Eridan said, "Now-w, that w-wasn't so hard, w-was it?"

"Now open the door, macho man." I turned the doorknob, and Eridan literally kicked the door open. The first time he tried walking through, he accidentally hit my head on the door frame.

Having already done the whole "what the fuck have we gotten ourselves into" discussion in the car, we didn't really waste much time. I got right to the shower, to wash cake frosting out of my hair.

While I let the water run to warm it up, Eridan stuck his head in. "Kat, don't stay in too long, okay?"

"Alright, love." When he left the bathroom, I started undressing.

After washing my hair, I speed-washed. I shaved all the appropriate areas on myself, then scrubbed myself so hard with a loofah that you could've thought it was steel wool. Between the steaming-hot water and the loofah, this white girl was pretty pink when I got out of the shower.

_Well,_ I thought optimistically. _Tonight oughta be one hell of a deflowering._

**_== Seer of Hope: Be Weepy the Navy-blue Clown._**

**_== Knight of Space: The Hangover, Part Drew._**

"_Drrrreeeewwww!_ Get up! You never finished packing for Alabama!"

I never thought a moirail's voice could grate on the inside of your cerebellum so painfully.

Groaning, I forced myself to sit up. The light was hurting my eyes like a BITCH.

"Fuuuuck..." I moaned. "Do you have to be so _loud...?_ Jesus _God,_ I swear, I'm never drinking again..."

"M'hm. You swore that _last _time." Vriska picked up a half-full duffel bag, and threw it at me. "Be snappy about it. It's eight, and we're leaving at noon."

"Uuuuggghhh." I rubbed one of my eyes. When did I get undressed? I didn't remember getting undressed last night. Did Vriska do something with my clothes? Did _she_ undress me?

While I lumbered around, half asleep and muttering about Ibuprofin, Vriska filled me in on what when all between Dan and Sollux.

"Now, Drew, Sollux cheated on Dan last night, with _Feferi_, of anybody, and Dan kicked Sollux out. Would you mind being kind to your little brother? Just for kicks, y'know."

"You don't have to be a bitch about it," I grumbled, stuffing one last pair of swim trunks in my bag. "Contrary to popular belief-"

"You're a dick?" Vriska had such a shit eating grin on her face.

I groaned again. "It's too early to be around you."

After zipping my bag closed and filling a bookbag with other essentials(Laptop, phone charger, my 3DS and charger...don't judge me.), I finally stumbled out to the kitchen to eat something cold and mind-numbing.

Dan was standing in front of the stove, with only a pair of baggy red basketball shorts on, flipping bacon. Carlisle, equally half-dressed, was sitting at the table behind him. They were chatting pleasantly.

I whistled. "Whoo, boy. _That_ sure looks like a guy in pain, Vrisk..."

With a sharp elbow jabbed into my ribcage, Vriska took a seat with Carlisle. I sat down next.

"So, where'd these sudden culinary skills come from?" I asked, a little peeved. Cooking was _my_ job, and I was _damn_ good at it.

Carlisle had a big grin on his face. "Taught 'im how to cook bacon _and_ eggs. I know stuff, too, y'know."

A couple of minutes later, Dan delivered a plate of slightly-burnt bacon and perfect eggs to the table. He sat down next to me, across from Vriska and Carlisle.

Really, Dan didn't look upset. And he's never been one to get over things quickly. There's no way something like Sollux being a dumbass would be so easy for Dan to just brush off.

Of course, this was before Vriska filled me in on the car. I _had_ to smile at that.

At eleven, we all piled into my car to drive to the airport. That's when Vriska had to tell me about the car, because normally I don't like driving Dan around. I forced him and Carlisle in the backseat.

Not all of us were going down to Jack's place in Alabama; it was just us, Matt's little clan, and the newly-wed Kathryn and Eridan Ampora.

Eugh. It feels _weird_ to call them that, you know?

The nine of us all met up in the parking lot of the JFK International Airport, where Jack'd just flown in from yesterday morning. Matt was carrying my little nephew in a baby carrying...thing. You know what I'm talking about. That little bassinet that all parents carry their babies in.


	16. Chocolate Addict

**AOF: Notice how I completely left out the EriKat sex that you know happened.**

**AOF: This is a fanfiction. Not porn.**

* * *

**_== Knight of Space: Gawk in Awe at Jack's Affluence._**

I slept literally the entire flight to...wherever it was in Alabama that plane took us.

Okay, here's how it goes. Where Jack lives: you go to Jackshit Nowhere, take a left, and you've found the airport. I literally think Jackson's real name must be Jackshit Nowhere.

On the bright side, I'd actually managed to sleep off my hangover. So...that's okay.

In the small little airport lobby, there was literally a limo driver holding up a sign that read "MISTER FIELDS". He was dressed better than any outfit I owned.

Sometimes, it burned me up that this little 20-and-a-half year old shit was loaded, and I was going to have to work twice as hard just to support a psuedo-family of four. I suppose Vriska was the Mama to my Papa Bear.

After about an hour of driving(by then it was, like, six), we finally came to one huge cabin on one side of a field, and a slightly smaller one on the other side. Waiting on the steps of the main cabin was a young man, probably not much older than us.

The guy on the steps, he looked like a stalker. Everything about him seemed gray, from his ash-blonde hair to his silvery blue eyes, but he looked so _happy._

"Don't mind Adrian." Jack noticed I was staring. Even his _name_ was creepy. "I've sort of taken him in as a butler since your last visit, but, well...he's not all quite there in the head, if you get my drift."

"_Sort of_ your butler?"

"Adrian!" Jack snapped his fingers. America's #1 Stalker snapped to attention, standing up. "Can you please get everybody's bags? I assume you know where everyone's staying?"

Adrian nodded eagerly, his long bangs swishing. "Yes, sir." He sounded foreign. Russia, maybe? A Russian butler?

We all went inside, leaving poor little Adrian to get out suitcases. Little twig didn't look like he could drag anything inside, but he made it inside with Jack's stuff first. I was thoroughly impressed with his enthusiasm.

We all kicked back in the living room, on the couches. Jack stood in front of the glass coffee table, holding a pair of keys in his hand.

"I assume our deal is still on, Matt?" He asked, raising an eyebrow to his brother.

Matt nodded. "You got it."

What deal? Did they go into the drug business behind our backs, what the hell?

Swiftly, Jack marched over to Kathryn, and put the ring of keys into her palm.

"You've seen that second cabin over by this one? Consider that my wedding present to you and Eri. It's yours for...however long you want to stay."

Kathryn's mouth literally dropped open. "You're _serious?_"

"You're shittin' me!" Eridan was excited, too.

Jack laughed, shaking his head. "I shit you not. As I said, consider it a wedding present. Matt asked I do it for you two, out of the goodness of my heart."

The two of them had just the biggest shit-eating grins I'd ever seen. And, if you know anything about Matt, it's that topping any previous smug smile is a hard feat.

**_== Knight of Space: Be Carlisle._**

_== Carlisle: Accidentally Cause A Fuss._

Adrian cooked supper for us, and he made spaghetti. Man may have been one of the airiest heads I'd met, but he was a damn good cook, and a pretty nice guy.

But, after dinner, came dessert. Adrian'd made a big chocolate cake, chocolate icing and all. I could literally feel the color drain from my face. Everyone else waited for me to say it.

"I'm allergic to chocolate." My voice was a tiny little whisper. I _really_ wanted a bite, just _one_ little bite...

Jack gasped a little. "Oh my God. You're kidding."

"Uh-uh." Why do I have to be the sugar freak in the family? I could feel myself sweat.

This always happened. Everyone else has _always_ gotten to eat chocolate, while I've gotta sit back...even though I really like cake, too...

"You like...cheesecake, Carlisle, yes?" bubbled Adrian in his little foreign accent.

Snapping out of my little daze, I nodded. "Uh...y-y-yeah. I love cheesecake."

"I'll get you some cheesecake, then!" he dashed off to the kitchen in a flustered little hurry. Everything about that man made it seem like he was running ten minutes late.

It was really mortifying. I hate being faced with chocolate; it's like when Eve was faced with the Tree of Knowlege of Good and Evil. I have practically _no_ self control.

After we all ate dinner together, Katie and Eridan went off to their little honeymoon cabin. The rest of us split off into different bedrooms to unpack our respective crap.

See, there wasn't enough room for everyone to sleep alone, so we had to double up. Me and Dan; Drew and Vriska; etc., etc. Matt and Janice had to split up sleep arrangements because Adrian took up a room, and Matt damn sure didn't want _Vriska_ to be the one with his baby brother.

Dan and I didn't have a problem sleeping together. I'd slept in his bed the night before, because he didn't wanna be all by himself.

Around ten or so, I crawled under the covers, folded up my glasses, and placed them gently on the bedside table. Then, I turned off the little lamp lighting up the bedroom.

"Welp, I'm ready for bed," I yawned. We'd both been up since, like, seven in the morning. "I'm _done._"

"M'hm. Night." Dan was half listening, sitting up at the foot of the bed with his phone. The TV was going off, because neither of us could sleep in slience. I'd found this out the night before.

God. He had that _look_ on his face. That "please don't bother me I'm doing something real important" look. I hated that look.

"Any particular reason you're frowning at your phone like that?" I asked, not even glancing back at him again. "Hard level on Angry Birds? Facebook drama or something?"

Dan shoved my leg with his foot. "I'm trying to find out where Sollux's staying."

"Oh my God, Dan, what the hell. Go to sleep!"

"I'm not tired." Ugh. I turned over on my side, and drifted off to sleep.

The next time I was fully awake, I was in a bathtub filled with boiling hot water, freezing to my very _fucking_ bones, and Dan was trying to get me to wake up.


	17. Sleepwalking?

_== Carlisle: Be Matt._

**_== Prince of Mind: Nurse Jason._**

"Matthew, let me say that I really don't feel comfortable sleeping in the same room as a six or so month old infant."

I paced around Jackson's spacious bedroom, holding Jason in one arm and his bottle in the other. "Well, I barely even get to see Jason during the day _or_ night, working two jobs. Screw off."

"What if he's hungry in the middle of the night, or has a full diaper or whatever, and you won't wake up? I don't know how to operate a child. Is there a button or something to turn it off?"

_Please, dear lord Jesus Christ, please give me the strength not to tear Jackson a new one. Because I **will.**_

I sighed. "Look, it's not hard to hold a baby," I told him. "It's like you'd hold a puppy, or cat, over whatever you had as a child."

Sitting on the bed, Jackson crossed his legs. "A ferret," He told me.

Jason finished his bottle. I put him on my shoulder, and lightly patted his back. "What about it?" I asked.

"The pet I owned when I was little," Jackson explained. "I had a little pet ferret, named Mortie. Cutest little thing."

He could not actually be serious. "You are not comparing _your_ nephew, _my first-born child,_ to a rodent. I'll punch you in the throat."

After Jason finally burped up the little air bubble, I set him down to sleep in the little crib we had set up in a corner. I tucked him up in a little baby blanket, and he curled up with a little teddy bear we'd brought from home. His favorite teddy.

"Would it be okay for me to turn the TV on?" It was too silent in the bedroom without us talking. "Jason likes listening to things when he's asleep. We normally have a radio in his room."

Jackson nodded. "Go for it," He told me. "It _is_ a bit quiet."

On my way back to Jackson's bed, I turned on his flat-screen TV and turned the volume down a little lower. When I sat down, he handed me the remote and laid down on his back, legs crossed and hands folded on his stomach.

I don't like quiet. My apartment, it's never quiet; there's always a troll or two staying the night, making noise, snoring, whatever. Gamzee'd stayed over a couple times, high as fuck after going to a couple of raves. Tavros never quite found out where his matesprite'd been those few nights.

The troll of choice this time around was, believe it or not, Sollux. Janice'd been the one to extend _that_ olive branch, after Dan kicked him out. Predictably, we'd been the first option to crash. We were letting him stay over as long as he needed.

"Matt...I don't believe you ever told me the reason you called me last week asking to stay over."

_Shit._ Why did my entire family have to be as sharp as I am? "I-I don't know," I lied. "Can't I ask to crash with my baby brother for a few days?"

Jack didn't look amused. "I do not tolerate liars, Matthew," He informed me in a testy voice. "I asusme you prefer the same?"

I sighed. "_God._ Well, mother, I've been having trouble sleeping. Okay? I've told, like, one person, and I'm hoping that getting away from that damned city could help."

God. I hated telling people stuff like that...I really do. Jack, however, seem interested.

"You know, I've been interested in studying dream psychology lately." From the internet. "Why not tell something about what's been bothering you? I could help, I guess." Using information _from the internet._

God. I hate people who do that. Diagnose things from the internet, I mean.

Jackson kept trying to pry information form me, wanting ot do his internet psychologist thing, and I kept dodging questions. Around midnight, we settled into bed.

Around 1:45, Dan came running in the bedroom in a panic because Carlisle was missing.

**_== Prince of Mind: Be the Other Prince._**

_== Eridan: The **Other** Other Prince, Dipwad._

**_== Prince of Time:__ Better._**

Red lights should have went off in my head when Carlisle got up and left the room without a word in the middle of the night. Of course, I was still on my phone, so of _course_ I didn't notice.

I assumed he was going to the bathroom, or getting a drink of water or something. Then, I guess I didn't hear the front door open, but a half hour passed and Car still wasn't back.

Finally, I broke down and texted him.

**-adamantAnderson [AA] began pestering autoGuide [AG]-**

**AA: Carlisle, where are you?**

**AA: I know you took your phone. It's not on the night stand.**

**AA: Carlisle?**

Finally, after ten minutes, he answered.

**AG: goin for a walk**

Finally, red flashing lights went off that shouted, _Get Matt! Or Jack!_

I went to the room next to ours, and walked right in. They were asleep. And Jason, too.

"Matt, Jack!" I didn't bother with subtlety. I shook Matt's shoulder violently, and he mumbled something incoherent. "Guys, get up! Something's up with Carlisle!"

Matt shot straight up, showing off his oddly-shaped nipples. "Cars? Huh? What?"

Of course. He jumped when I said Carlisle's name.

Matt woke Jack up, and I explained to them what happened. Jack yawned the entire time.

"He probably got lost," He told me simply. "Go turn on the porch lights or somethin'. It's almost two, Dan."

I frowned. "Look, I don't want Kat pissed at me for losing her brother. He's legally an adult now, but I'm still responsible if anything happens to that kid."

Obviously, I took my mothership role _very_ seriously.

Before we left the cabin, Jack had me and Matt each take a jacket from behind the door. According to him, at night the area "gets really freaking cold".

Matt took off into the forest, taking advantage of us still having our God Tier powers and literally flying off. Jackass. Me and his little brother went off to the lake, to see if Carlisle was around there.

That's right; you read those words correctly, and it wasn't an effect of the drugs you likely took that attracted you to this story. Jackson had his own freaking _lake._

Anyway, Carlisle really _was_ down by the lake. In the middle of it...his head barely surfacing...drowning.

Jackson couldn't believe this bullshit. He handed me his phone(a Galaxy S4? Really, you're rich but you can't get an iPhone?), stripped down to just his pajama pants, and just dove right in.

God. People in Alabama must have, like, swimming instincts. Eridan'd have it made here. And Feferi, too, I guess, but Eridan liked swimming more.

If anyone else had been around for miles, God, we would've been a sight. Two grown men stripped down to pants, one flying around like a gay little fairy, one 18 year old drowning to death at the lake he 99% chance probably sleepwalked into, and me on the bank, just casually holding cellphones like a derp and wearing the only t-shirt for half a mile.

Did the entire Wood/Fields clan just sort of have a thing against shirts? I mean, I'm as flamboyantly homosexual as your average New Yorker, but having to look at my brother in law's misshapen nipples is the stuff of nightmares.

I texted Matt while Jack rescued Carlisle, and he was overhead literally in a second. Sometimes, I believe he could flashstep or something. Flashstep like Dave, or Bro.

For the third or so time in a decade, Carlisle got piggybacked because he might have been on the brink of freezing to death. When Jack said it was cold, he wasn't kidding; even with the hoodie I borrowed, it was still, like, slap-ass cold.

Of course, cold doesn't bother me much. Since Time is naturally associated with heat, I'm always burning up a storm. A fever for me is, like, 135 degrees.

**_== Prince of Time: Be Carlisle._**

_== Carlisle: Rap a Little._

I'll admit, the next time I was conscious had to be when I was drowning. That was all me.

It...it was weird. One minute I was asleep, the next I was vaguely aware I was doing things. I don't know what all I did, but I knew I wanted to wake up.

Later, I found out Matt knew exactly how I'd felt.

Then, next thing I knew, I was floundering around in water higher than how tall I was. Panicking, I opened my mouth a little to shout, and I guess that started the choking. Water rushing down my throat.

And, I was freezing. If you've ever gone, like, swimming in the Arctic, I guess that's how it felt. Having spent my childhood, for the most part, practically in Florida, I was used to water being warm and temperate.

This water was fucking _freezing._

Then I blacked out a little, and I supposed someone mouth-to-mouth'ed me because...well, otherwise I wouldn't have woken up in that bathtub. I'd probably be dead.

Someone had stripped me down to my underwear. _Thank God_ I'd decided to wear black tidy-whities instead of going commando, otherwise it would've been a little awkward.

Dan was sitting on the toilet and playing with my hair, I guess, and occasionally tugged at it and said, "Wake up, Car..." I'd woken up on one of these little tugs.

"Ow...Daaaan, that hurt..." My voice was all dreamy, and kind of far away. For a second, I didn't believe it was me.

Now, he was suddenly all alert. There were dark circles under Dan's eyes. I knew he'd probably been up for hours.

"Guys?" He sounded scared practically to death. "Guys! _Guys, _Car's woke up!"

Literally everybody rushed into that bathroom. Including Kathryn and Eridan, even though they were supposedly in the other cabin. Kathryn dropped down to her knees in front of the tub and hugged me tight.

"God, Carlisle, don't you _ever_ scare us like that again, you hear me...?" Was she _crying?_ I could hear crying. Oh God. I didn't even know what was happening.

"Everybody, _back off!_ Leave the kid alone!" Kathryn held that hug for a second more, before Matt came busting in. He sounded _mad_.

Everyone, including Kathryn, backed off and stepped back a step. Dan sat crosslegged on the toilet.

Matt shot them all a mental birdy. "Little privacy, please?"

"Well, thank you for being polite." Even I heard Drew mumble that on the way out.

After Dan got up, sending me a concerned look over his shoulder, Matt took his place. This must've been a long night for him, too.

Matt sighed. "Okay, I'm not gonna beat around the bush," He told me. "What the _hell_ were you thinking, Carlisle, swimming this late? Not to mention it's fucknig freezing!"

So. Matt came in to yell at me. "I-I dunno. If I knew how I got out there, I'd tell you, but I didn't even _wake up_ until I was drowning..."

This piqued Matt's interest. "You...you didn't...you didn't even _wake up?_ You had no clue what was going on?"

God. Now an interrogation.

_== Carlisle: Be Matt._

**_== Prince of Mind: No...God, Please,__ No._**

I wasn't mad at Carlisle. I was mad that he could've _died._ If Dan hadn't have texted him...

_No. Don't even think about that, Matt. You **idiot.**_

I was curious about his answer as to how he wasn't even awake. This gave me a chilling case of deja vu. I could still hear her voice, my voice, my shouting...

_"Where is Carlisle?"_

_"Hell if I know."_

_"**Don't you dare lay a finger on her!**"_

_"Janice, **GET OUT OF THERE!**"_

"Matt?" I'd forgotten about Carlisle. "Matt, I told you...I don't know..."

I nodded absently. "Uhh...Car, why don't you get on out of the tub and go to bed? It's late. We could all use a little sleep."

This couldn't be going on. Everything was going so well...we'd beaten Sburb.

Right? We beat everything, right? Made the universe and all?

* * *

**AOF: I've started up a deviantArt account for myself, with pictures of my OCs. So far I'vealready posted a picture of everybody's favorite twins.**

**AOF: If you wanna look me up, I go by AuthoressOnFire. _Not_ by Kballkdball.**


	18. Family Feud

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Sollux._**

**_== Mage of Doom: Mope._**

It was really nice of Matt to let me stay at his place until everything with Dan was sorted out.

The most I did was go to work and mope around watching MTV. I really didn't _want_ to do anything. At one point, Karkat even came by to check on me.

Karkat. The same one that Feferi cheated on me with, Feferi who _I had loved..._

_You don't love her anymore, dillhole. Stop even thinking about her._

This was too confusing. I still loved Dan. Feferi still loved me, after _six fucking years_, and I didn't even know how Dan felt. Dan was the best thing to happen to me in a long time, but...well, Feferi was willing to give me the physical attention Dan was afraid of. _Terrified_ of.

I ran my hands through my hair, grabbing large chunks on either side and just pulling. I iddn't pull any out, but might as well have.

Since Dan had kicked me out, I wasn't doing too well on my own. And I didn't do well on my own to _begin_ with.

**_== Mage of Doom: Be Matt._**

**_== Prince of Mind:__ Flashback._**

When I went to sleep that night, I remembered Kathryn's funeral. I dreamed about it, in fact.

I'd been ten years old. Hanging out with Carlisle in his little kid tree house. We were even still in our black little kid suits and ties, me trying to teach him how to play that Pokemon trading card game thing.

Then, two older guys were down under us, yelling and arguing. One with a squeaky, nervous voice and the other with an intense, kind of deep voice. Neither of them could've been over seventeen or eighteen. All of the adults were inside, so nobody noticed.

_"You've gotta be kidding! For chrissakes, they're fucking **kids!**"_ Squeaky raised his voice an octave.

The other one sighed. _"Look, Dan, we're already down one. And you **know** Kathryn was our one shot at making sure they knew what they're going to be getting into. Matt's already here, so why even wait? We might not get another chance for this!"_

Finally, I got curious. I put my finger in front of my mouth to tell Carlisle to be quiet, and he nodded.

I stood up, walked silently to the window, and looked down. Neither of us could recognize those voices, although I swore I'd heard them before...

_"Drew, I don't...I don't even see why Matt'n Jancie even **have** to play. It's only a game..."_

It was Janice's twin brothers. The ones that lived with their mother. I recognized Dan's shaggy hair and Drew's glasses from the pictures around her and her dad's apartment.

Dan had looked up. He looked...terrified. He was still in a suit, too, and it looked like he was sweating hard. Drew, already in a navy t-shirt and jeans, followed his brother's line of sight and gasped.

_"Oh. My. God."_ He knew exactly who I was. Little Carlisle, on tiptoe, joined me in looking down out of the window.

Carlisle had tipped his head to the side, fixing his glasses from falling. _"Where were y'all yelling about?"__  
_

Drew bit his lip. He knew he'd been caught by the knowing frown I was sending him.

_"N-nothing. Dan and I were just talking about-"_

_"A-a-about a v-video game,"_ Dan'd saved themselves. _"Fi-Final Fantasy. You play it, Matt?"_

Slowly, I nodded. I'd known they were talking about Sburb, that game Kathryn'd told me about a couple times.

_"Yeah. I like Final Fantasy...what's your favorite one?"_

Then, I just woke up. Jack was already up, doing his little bro thing. Jason was already up, sitting in his playpen and playing with some toys. Janice must've already been in here to feed and change him, or maybe Adrian did? There was no way to be sure.

I shook my head, groaning. I hated going through dream bubbles. They make me remember things better left forgotten.

After a second's hesitation, I got up and started getting dressed. Against my better judgement, I thought about what happened after that day. Chill bumps ran up my arms and spine.

Two and a half months after Kathryn's funeral, exactly one week from the end of summer vacation that year, 18 year olds Andrew and Daniel Anderson were found beaten to death in a dark alley in Los Angeles, California.

"Aww,_ hell _to the_ naw,_ you little blonde_ psycho!_"

"Jesus, Eridan...calm your bitch down!"

"_Wha...**what did you call**_ **_me?_**"

I groaned, slipping on my tennis shoes. _Obviously,_ we couldn't have a nice morning.

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Carlisle._**

_== Carlisle: Cheesecake, Bitches._

After everything that happened the night before, Jack was treating me like a _prince._ And not a Sburb Prince like Matt or Eridan, either, like actual _royalty._

He had Adrian make me an entire cheesecake for breakfast, while everyone else had blueberry pancakes. And I _love_ cheesecake. A lot.

We were all sitting together at the huge dining room table, again. Jack was at one end of the table, while Eridan sat al the other end. Matt was sleeping in, I guess.

After a bit of a silence, Jack cleared his throat. Nobody noticed.

"Today, I'd like to take you all down to the lake," He announced in a quiet voice.. "I don't believe we've done that before, have we, since we're only together over Christmas holidays?"

Oh, God. There was a tense, awkward little moment.

Then, Kathryn snickered. "Seriously? After last night?"

Jack shook his head. "Hey, all things aside from Carlisle nearly dying, it's really not a bad place during the day," He assured her. "I mean, besides, the summer holidays are almost over. You're really telling me _you_, a girl from a fucking _beach island,_ isn't just dying for a swim?"

"I never even learned anything besides a doggy paddle!" Kathryn's face was burning red. She must've been embarressed, considering she was married to Aquaman.

This was pretty entertaining. Since I had practically disowned myself from Kathryn and adopted myself into the Anderson clan, watching Kathryn in an argument became entertaining when she was losing.

Jack shrugged. "Look, I just...why would it make sense to force everyone from having a nice time just because of one accident?" He challenged. "Besides, I'm sure _Eridan_ would agree with me. Right, buddy?"

When did this "buddy" thing happen? Did I fucking _miss_ something in the bromance department last night?

Eridan looked between his wife and his half-cousin-in-law, looking confused and nervous. That was a nice, lovely shade of emotion for my favorite brother-in-law. He kept looking between them.

"Well? _Eridan?_" Jack sounded testy.

Kathryn pouted. "Eri...? Baby?" Oh, what the hell. When did "baby" come into their mix of nicknames? God, I am so out of the loop.

Eridan literally whimpered. "W-why do you gotta put _me_ on the spot?" He demanded. "Christ, I love w-water, but...jeez..."

This was like breakfast theater. Both me and Drew were snickering, watching this actually happen.

I knew why Kathryn didn't want me down by that lake again. She thought I'd get hurt, and she thought it'd be her fault. Stupid bimbo didn't realize that _I didn't care either way._

For the record, I actually am a decent swimmer. Last night had been a technicality because, well, I was surprised. I woke up in the middle of a goddamn lake.

The rest of it went like this: Jack said something stupid, Kathryn got pissed. Jack called Kathryn "Eridan's bitch", she almost flew across the table at him with a fork in her hand. Eridan had to hold her back.

God. For such a small woman, and I use the term "woman" very loosely, Kathryn's hella strong.

"Excuse me, why are you threatening your host with a fork?" That was about when Matt walked in, from the hallway. As usual, there was not a shirt to be seen. Why was he so opposed to clothing?

Kathryn fell limp in Eridan's arms at Matt's question, knowing she was beaten. If there's anything a married woman hates, it's losing an argument with the opposite sex.

Jack gave her a hard glare. "Come with me." He headed towards the hallway, and Kathryn followed.

_== Carlisle: Be Kathryn._

_**== Seer of Hope: Argue With Your Illegitimate Cousin.**_

"Is this a _normal_ morning for you all?"

The reason Jack was so flustered by everything going on was because, in all honesty, he'd never _had_ all of us together at once.

I gave him a hard glare. "Look, arguments are normal for us, irregardless of the time of day. If you don't-"

"That's _not_ even a _word_."

What? "What?" I asked.

"If you're going to try and justify your crazy-ass tendencies," Jack lectured me, his blue eyes looking like ice. "then at least use a real fucking _word._ 'Irregardless' isn't even in the dictionary!"

Hell to the no. "_I'll use whatever contradictions that I want, you pompous little momma's boy, at least I don't have to get through life with my head up my-!_"

"Excuse me." Carlisle was standing in the mouth of the door to the dining room, snickering. "Excuse me, but can I offer an ultimatum?"

How long had he been there? Could they have heard our whole short exchange?

Jack nodded approval, since I had my foot in my mouth. "Go on, Car," He encouraged.

Carlisle leaned against the door frame. "Why don't I just stay here, while y'all go and swim?" He suggested. "I mean, I'm not going near _that_ lake again, at least not for a good long while. And besides, I didn't even pack a bathing suit, so _whatever_. I _really_ don't care."

Oh. Oh, wow, he didn't even care? Shit. Maybe one of us should've thought of that.

When neither me or Jack answered, Carlisle shrugged and turned back inside the dining room.

"I ain't swimming, but y'all are. Whooo!"


	19. Teenage Shaggy

**AOF: WARNING.**

**AOF: IF YOU DO NOT APPROVE OF DRUGS, YOU MIGHT WANNA JUST STOP READING THIS CHAPTER RIGHT NOW.**

**AOF: I'm serious. Don't dare say I didn't warn you.**

* * *

**_== Seer of Hope: Be Dan._**

**_== Prince of Time: Experiment with_ _Carlisle._**

I didn't end up going down to the lake, either, because I really don't like water all that much. Another Time/Heat related Dan issue. And because, let's face it, Carlisle would've had a shitty time without me around.

Before they all left, Jack came in our guest room with a shoebox in his hands. He looked nervous.

"I-I feel like a right git for all this happening with you, Carlisle," He admitted. "So I asked Matt, and, well...you didn't get this from me."

Jack left the shoebox on the foot of the bed, then he just left. Even brought Adrian along.

Obviously, Carlisle was curious. I was, too. Carlisle crawled over from the foot of the bed, and grabbed the box. Sitting on the carpet with my phone charging, I watched.

"What's inside?" I asked.

He shrugged. "'S gotta be good, otherwise Jack wouldn't've been so freaked out." He took the top off the box, and lifted two things out:

A white, homemade cigarette-looking object with a tint of green inside, and an aquamarine-colored lighter. Carlisle looked happier than a little kid at Christmas.

"God _damn!_" He hooted. "I ain't had a good connection since grade school!"

What? "Um, Cars, what is that?" I asked. What the hell?

Carlisle laughed. "What, you've never seen a joint?"

...Oh. Oh, holy literal shit. Jack gave Carlisle weed. _Drugs._ What the fuck was I supposed to do?

Carlisle picked up the box, and sat down with in front of me. He placed it between us.

I peered down into it. Holy _shit_, Jack'd rolled about thirty joints for Carlisle! Did his fucking stepmom know he smoked weed?

Carlisle picked one up, holding it and the lighter with the skill of a master. I gulped.

"You...y-you've sm-moked marijuana b-before?" I asked nervously.

He nodded. "Yeah, in 6th and 7th grade," He admitted. "Everyone was doing it, and shit's good! You ever lit up before?"

I didn't watch him light the end. "I, ah...no. No, I-I...I've never-"

"Man, you missed out in middle school." I heard him take in a long, solid breath. When he finally exhaled, the smoke smelled horrible.

When I finally turned my head, Carlisle'd already taken two more puffs. He reached in and handed me a joint.

"Wanna try?" He asked. His scleras were already tingeing red.

I gulped again. "I, ah, uhh...I don't...maybe?" Where the fuck did that 'maybe' come out of?

Carlisle grinned. "Alright! Come on. With me." He put the joint in my mouth, and lit it. When he breathed it, I did.

Half a second later, I coughed it out with my lungs burning. Carlisle picked it up to stop the carpet from burning.

"Whoa. Whoa," He said. "Dan, you've gotta relax. You're really uptight, man. Want some help?"

I shrugged. "Sure." I was a failure, anyway, even at trying weed.

Carlisle grinned. "Keep your mouth open." He took a long drag on his joint, then leaned in really close to my face and breathed it out right in front of my mouth.

I swear to Jesus Christ and baby Moses, I thought he was gonna try and kiss me.

I caught on quick, and breathed in the smoke Carlisle'd breathed out. I almost coughed, but I managed to keep it in a second before sighing.

Dude. Duuuude. I got the best headrush I'd ever felt in my life. I blinked, hard.

"Duuuude." Oh God, I already _sounded_ like a stoner.

"I _know_, right?" I could see why Carlisle was so happy.

We each smoked about, like, two or three. You couldn't possibly expect two young adults(I suppose we weren't kids anymore) like us to actually smoke 30 blunts.

Now, I'm not gonna get into what all we did. I don't even _remember_, except I guess we finished off that cheesecake. I was _stoned._

**_== Prince of Time: Be Drew._**

**_== Knight of Space: Be__ Awkward._**

I'm not a good swimmer. The fact that literally everyone else made me want to play on the sandbar with Jason.

"Uncah." He picked up a little handful of sand, and tried to make a little snowball with it. "Uncah D'ewww!"

I laughed. "That's not snow." Little bugger had never even seen sand before. He was fascinated by the stuff.

Now, Jason may have only been six months old, but let me tell you something. That little baby was one _awesome_ little motherfucker. He just...he loved _everything._ Jason loved colors, he loved snow, he loved sand, he even loved _me._ And that's quite a tall order.

A pair of skinny, grey legs sat down in front of us. "Hey, Drew. Feel like getting wet today, at _all?_"

I followed my eyes up the legs, and lo and behold, Vriska Serket. Her long, black hair hung behind her, almost to the sand, dripping.

"I'm not an outdoors person," I told her. Then, picking Jason up and cuddling him, I asked, "Besides, who's gonna watch this little guy?"

Vriska didn't look amused. "I'm serious, dipshit. Have some fun!"

I set Jason back down, and he began building a little...thing in the sand.

"The last time I 'had fun'," I lectured. "I slapped Dan and woke up with a hangover. No thank you."

Vriska pouted. She knew I hated that. "Come _oooonnnn!_" She whined, grabbing my arm and tugging. "We can blow up those floatie-things Janice brought, and take Jason, too! Please!"

There was a no point in continuing. I sighed. "Fine..." I conceded. "Gimme that float ring."

"Yay!"

I blew up the entire float ring, and she blew up the two little arm floaties. I applied an extra coat of sunscreen to the baby, then finally went out into the water.

Well, after a long and awkward struggle for me to take my t-shirt off. I've always hated being shirtless, unlike Matt(the former high-school slut) and Jackson.

Matt, Janice, Kathryn, and Eridan were all playing chicken in the water, with Jack refereeing.

"Hey! Let go'a those horns, you cheating bitch!"

I'll have to admit, I agreed with my sister entirely. It wasn't fair to use orangey-yellow protrusions from your husband's head to keep yourself balanced.

**_== Knight of Space: Be Matt._**

**_== Prince of Mind: Hear Voices._**

After three rousing matches of chicken(my baby kicked Katie's ass!), Jack and I held a small contest between the two of us:

Whoever could stay under water the longest owed the winner fifty bucks. It was only us, because everybody knew Eridan would cheat. You can't exactly play fair when you have _gills_ on your neck and stomach.

Now, from where we were, it was a long way down to the bottom of the lake, and Jack and I swam right down to it. I knew I could win; being older and the family's only non-smoker, I had a much higher lung capacity.

The water wasn't so bad as it must have been last night. It was pretty warm. I kept my eyes closed, almost flinching when I hit the soft mud.

_...att...in...orest...ton'ght..._

What? Did I just...

Against my better judgement, I opened my eyes. Jack was a couple of feet away from me, still holding his breath.

_...att...! Lis...to me...!_

Sit the _fuck_ down. Who was talking? I knew that voice...it was familiar, but distorted...

_Leave me alone! I told you **never** to speak to me!_

Whoa! Shit, this one came in loud and clear!

_Alright. I'm outta here,_ I thought, standing up straight and swimming back up. I opened my mouth and let out a thousand little air bubbles half a second before I broke the surface.

"Matt!" Kathryn was the one to acknowlege my existance. Way to go, wife. "Where's Jack?"

I shook my head, flopping around my sopping wet bangs. "H-he wins," I told them. "Were any of you arguing up here?" I started treading water. Why was my heart so jittery?

"Um, Matt..." Even Eridan was flustered. "Matt, none'a us w-were ewen speakin'."

God. God, they must have thought I was crazy...

But, I knew what I heard, and that wasn't no trick. That was an _argument._ And, whoever it was between, they were gonna be in the woods tonight.

* * *

**AOF: If I got anything wrong about how you actually smoke weed, I've never done it myself. But I've always imagined Carlisle would.**

**AOF: And the whole "breathe it into Dan's mouth" thing, it came from a GamKar fic I read one time. I can't remember it's name, though.**


	20. The HMS CarxDan

**AOF: If you don't like yaoi, you might wanna stop here.**

**AOF: Although, if you were against yaoi, I suppose you wouldn't have even made it here.**

* * *

_**== Prince of Mind: Be Carlisle.**_

_== Carlisle: Wait Girlfriend Whut._

Dan and I managed to hide the scent of our afternoon party decently well with some Glade. No one went into our room, anyway, so we were safe.

At supper, Jack excused himself the second he was done eating so he could go "tend to his sunburn with a milk bath". People still take milk baths? Wasn't that only an old wives' tale?

Around that same time, I got a text. I slipped my phone under the table and slouched.

**-carlislesGirl [CG] began pestering autoGuide [AG]-**

**CG: carlisle is this a bad time?**

Huh, it was my girlfriend, Casey...the same one I hadn't heard from since graduation.

**AG: Of course not. Whats wrong baby?**

**CG: um nothing.**

**CG: carlisle we need to talk.**

Shit. No boyfriend ever wants to hear that. _Dan_ didn't even get a "we need to talk" text when Sollux...you know, you know the story.

**AG: About what? We havent even talked in months...**

**CG: thats the thing because ive sort of...**

**CG: welll...**

**AG: Casey, _what is it?_  
**

**AG: Youre stalling.**

**CG: i met someone else over the summer and we really hit it off.**

**AG: So...so what? Don't you still love me?**

**CG: carlisle you havent even TRIED to talk to me since school let out.**

**AG: Thats _bullshit_ Casey! I texted you every night for a _month_ wanting to know if you wanted to come over!**

**CG: carlisle this might not be so hard if you wouldn't freak out so bad.**

**AG: Wouldn't be so hard? You're the one trying to break up with me out of fucking _nowhere_, you two-timing whore!**

**AG: I have every right in the world to flip out!**

**-carlislesGirl [CG] has blocked autoGuide [AG]-**

That was the last straw. I took my phone, and threw it at the wall.

"**_Fuck you,__ too!_**" I stood up and stomped off to the room, not bothering to excuse myself.

There was a box of unlit blunts and a lighter under the bed, both calling my name like Casey had _every night_ of Spring Break.

_== Carlisle: Be Dan._

_**== Prince of Time: Hello,**** There.**_

We were having such a nice, quiet meal until Carlisle threw his phone at the wall.

It was really close to the window, too. And when he stood up and marched off, swearing at it, he looked really upset. Like, almost ready to cry, upset.

Kathryn almost went to go talk to him, but I stuck my hand out and stood up.

"I got this, Boss." I'd bonded better with Carlisle over the past six months than they ever had in five years.

Carlisle had locked the bedroom door. I pounded on it.

"Car!" I called out. "Car, open the door. Come _on_, man, all my _stuff_ is in there."

I could hear him fumbling with the lighter. "J-Just a sec." Was that the "hold on a sec, about to fuckin' crying here" voice I was hearing?

Thirty seconds later, the lock clicked. After waiting a second, I opened the door, and found the frayed little bundle of nerves I thought Carlisle had grown out of when he turned 15.

Carlisle was sitting at the edge of the bed, hands shaking, trying to smoke a blunt. His glasses were sitting on the sheets, and he really did look about to cry.

And, despite all known laws of life, love, and bromance, I actually _laughed_ at the condition of Carlisle's definitely-proven-to-be frail psyche. Because I am a dick friend.

"What's wrong?" I asked, trying to be a smidge more serious.

Carlisle took the joint out of his mouth. "C-Casey."

Um, there wasn't a Casey in our social group...was there even a Casey in the lower United States?

"I don't know any Casey." I sat next to him on the bed, carefully avoiding smushing his glasses.

Cue an evil Lucifer glare. "My goddamn _girlfriend,_" He growled. "Or, more my ex."

_Oh, God,_ I thought._ Teenager just got dumped by his girlfriend. Help me God...Buddha...who's that third one? Allah? Yeah, you, too._

I put my hand over his, taking the joint away while I was at it. "How'd she do it?"

He took it back. "How else? By _text_, that little pussy..." Carlisle took a long, deep drag, then let it out. "She said she...she met another guy...and that _I've_ been ignoring her. I've tried all summer to get her to talk to me!"

Didn't _I_ know how that felt. "Oh, jeez...I'm sorry, Car," I told him. You'd think he'd just told me his cat died.

Carlisle reached up, pulling away from my hand, and flicked his bangs out of his eyes. He took another drag.

"I-I don't even know if I'm really cut out for this whole 'love' thing," He admitted. "I mean, look at my life. I'm practically _parasitically _attached to all of you, and fuck, I don't think I could even move out of the apartment without killing myself from loneliness!"

Whoa. Back this Crazy Train up a couple of tracks. Didn't Carlisle's other incarnation, Charles, technically commit suicide? Does this bullshit follow _patterns?_

I put my hand on Carlisle's arm. "Car, honey, I think you need to relax a little," I told him in a soft voice. "Please calm down."

It was pretty safe to say that tonight wasn't going to be much better than the night before, and Carlisle had about a 40/60 chance of _dying_ the night before.

**_== Prince of Time: Other Prince Time._**

**_== Prince of Mind: Find That Brit!_**

When Jack excused himself from dinner, I knew shit was up. Ain't no way he was nursing any kind of sunburn, because he hadn't _gotten_ any sun.

Carlisle throwing his phone gave us all the idea that feeding time was probably over. When I ducked into the master bedroom, surprise surprise, the tub was void of all naked blondes. And milk.

On the nightstand, I found a hastily scribbled note, on a piece of notebook paper. The kind that schools use.

_Matt -_

_I knew I was caught when you told me about the voice at the lake. Damn our family's intelligence, Father not included._

_You know where I'll be. Don't tell anybody._

_- Jackson H. Fields_

I rolled my eyes. Formal little dick.

Without missing a step, I went to the closet, where one of my mass-produced orange pullover hoodies was waiting. I'd given Jack one for Christmas, although he was more of a "sky blue" kinda guy. Maybe it was because of his eyes.

Whoa. Gay Matt talking right there, let's halt him for a moment.

The window, which I suppose he had used to leave, was just big enough for me to crawl out of. Thank _God_ it was a one-story. Bastard better help me get back in after this.

To save time, I started with where I'd heard the voice: Jack's lake. He was standing there, at the edge of the water, back to me, with the hood of a sky blue and white striped jacket covering his white-blonde hair.

"Where _are_ you?" He called out impatiently. I almost answered before he added something: "_Mother!_"

Um. Did he mean his dead mother, or the one living in England that'd adopted him?

Then, something started rising out of the water. Sharp, yellow tips. Orange middles. Wild black hair...

"No," I whispered. "Please, _please, no!_"

My worst fears came true. An impossibly tall, voluptuous Alternian woman with curved horns, wearing a pink and black body suit, was walking out of the water.

Jack crossed his arms. I imagined a frown gracing his small, angular, flushed face...

"I've told you before, I'll tell you again. I'm _not_ fucking doing it, woman."

How did my brother, my sweet, nineteen year old baby brother, get in it with her, a woman who obviously wouldn't stay dead?

A twisted, evil smile distorted her fuchsia lipsticked lips.

"Oh, hello...little Prince..." She cooed. "I don't suppose my _spawn_ invited you, did he?"

Jack turned around, and saw me. There was a look of disappointment on his face. Like a little boy who lied about breaking a lamp and got caught.

In the moonlight, his skin looked...almost gray...

_Holy fuck. The swimming addiction...breathing underwater...**talking** underwater..._

And I felt violently sick. My brain spun around and around in circles.

_**== Prince of Mind: Be Dan.**_

_**== Prince of Time: You Just Get ALL of the Screentime, Don't You?**_

I let Carlisle rave and rant like a lunatic for a little while longer, hoping he'd eventually burn out and fall asleep. We split the blunt, so I got a little high, too.

"I just, I...I don't...I mean, i-if I died, like, tomorrow, would there really be anyone to miss me besides y'all? Fuck, if we can't even _separate_ form one another, maybe that motherfuckin' _game_ fucked us all over worse than we thought..."

That was about when I tuned out. When you have a low voice like Carlisle's(Even _his_ voice dropped at puberty, unlike mine), it's easy for it to just become a buzz in the other person's ears.

Then, I'd had it. To shut him up, I leaned over and I touched my lips to his. Barely even a kiss, but it was enough to shock the kid shut.

"There. You finally stopped talking," I laughed.

Maybe 'shock' isn't the right word. Car looked positively _stunned._ Stunned like I'd just told him that I never wanted to listen to rap again, and we were both little gangstas in that right.

Then, his next sentence basically changed everything and shattered the foundation our friendship was built on.

"What...what if I start talking again?"

Le gasp. Was Carlisle insinuating what I thought he was?

"Wh-wh-wha-?"

I didn't manage to get that 't' sound out before Carlisle leaned forward, hands on my knees, and he kissed me. A _real_ kiss.

The two days it had been since Sollux and I had broken up, the thought of a one night stand had never once went through my mind. But, in the 15 minutes since this 'Casey' whore broke up with Carlisle, he certainly must have.

Carlisle slowly pulled away after a few seconds. "Dan, have you ever...have you ever had a one night stand? Just anything the two of you want, no strings attached?"

Not in the slightest; Sollux had been my first relationship, minus the lightning fast short kismesis I had with Karkat. I shook my head.

"Well, we're both mildly buzzed, and I'm in a somewhat more vulnerable mental state than 90% of the time. D'you wanna?"

That had to be the most formal invitation to sex I'd ever heard.

I pretended to think for a second. It's quite a shock when your best friend subtly tells you he wants you to do him.

"U-u-uhh...s-sure."

Why the hell not.

* * *

**AOF: therandomrose1754, I dedicate this chapter to you. XD**


	21. That Awkward Moment When

**AOF: Warning: Blow jobs and _Percy Jackson_ spoilers abound.**

**AOF: BTW, although the lyrics are too difficult to set into this chapter like I've done with other songs, _Hero_ by Regina Spektor reallys captures the mood of this chapter, up until Drew starts narrating. Look it up, if you choose.**

* * *

**_== Prince of Time: Be Matt._**

**_== Prince of Mind: Freak the Fuck Out._**

HIC raised one black eyebrow. "Do you want to take a picture, to make it last longer?"

"Shut up." I could barely speak. My spine was tingling with rage and...well, let's face it, I was terrified, too. "Shut up...shut up, you're _dead!_"

Jack looked between me and...her.

"Matt, please, _please_, understand that I didn't want to upset you," He pleaded. "I know I should have spoken up, but..."

"_You were too busy making plans with **Mommy?**_" I practically shouted. My vocal chords felt torn in half, along with my adoration for my little brother.

You remember, while reading the _Percy Jackson_ books, the betrayal you felt when you found out it was Luke that stole the Lightning Bolt? Well, right then, Jack was my Luke.

HIC crossed her arms, and cackled. It was an old, gravelly sound that tore at my mind.

"How is this even _possible?_" I demanded. "Jack, you are _not,_ I repeat, **_not_**_ a troll!_"

I was met with another cackle. "If you would let someone else expla-!"

"_Shut your mouth!_" That's all I could say.

"Have you ever heard of ectobiology?" Condesce finally got a word in.

Sadly...yeah, I had. Kathryn explained it to me when I was young. Drew and Dan'd worked together and artifically created the six of us, plus one extra unknown baby, to play Sburb.

Condesce chuckled. "I combined _your_ father's DNA with mine, and created my perfect little child heir." She walked over, and put a hand on Jack's shoulder.

Jack violently shrugged her off. "Don't touch me, you crazy old _bat!_, you are _not_ my family!" He shrieked. "_Matt _is! At least Matt didn't keep me out in the open for _twenty fucking years_ without a single soul to love!"

Oh, wow. Did he really mean that?

Jack pulled his hood down. "Just because I'm _technically_ the heir to your crazy-ass planet," He continued in a snarl. "does _not_ mean that I'll actually take to the throne. Go find fucking Feferi! _I'm. Not. Leaving!_"

A pink lipstick smile was tossed at him. "No, you insignifigant little _brat._"

I couldn't fathom all of this. Why was she back? Janice, my baby girl, had cut that crazy-ass freak's head off. That should have been enough.

Jack's nibbled-short fingernails were digging into his palms. In the moonlight, his ice-blue eyes looked like they were practically _glowing_ with his anger. His almost white hair shone out in the dark.

"_**Get** **out!**_" He screamed at Her Imperious Condescension. "**_Get off my MY property! I don't want to EVER see you again, Mother! Do you hear me? I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL KILL YOU THE NEXT TIME I EVER LAY MY EYES ON YOUR SORRY CARCASS, YOU RUDE, CONDESCENDING__ TWAT!_**"

Not once had I ever heard Jack scream and shout like that. I could hear his voice get hoarser and hoarser.

His "mother" gasped. "You insolent little...!" She slapped him, harder enough to slam him to the ground, then disappeared in a flash of pink.

Not once had I ever been prouder of my little brother than when I was helping him back up, him fighting through tears to curse Her Imperious Condescension to the deepest, firiest pits of Hell, where Satan would "serve her to the other residents of Hell on a paper plate, piled with chips".

**_== Prince of Mind: Oh, That's Nice...Be Drew._**

**_== Knight of Space: Aquire the Urge To Burn Your Eyes In A Vat of Sulfuric Acid._**

That night, I got a fright worse than anything I ever experienced on any Halloween.

So, Dan had the only iPhone charger among me, Janice, and Vriska. We all just sort of shared it. Janice, she had a Galaxy S, so her charger was no use. So, naturally, when my phone got low on battery, I'd go to Dan and Carlisle's room to grab their charger.

On the way down the hall, I heard some suspicious creaking bedsprings, but I paid no mind. I got a little skeptical at the hushed whispers, but still kept going.

Then, when I opened the door, I heard Carlisle _moaning._

Automatically, I kept it to only a crack. Then, I slowly inched my head to look through the crack...

Carlisle, lying on his back with his jeans and underwear down to his knees. Dan, _between_ Carlisle's knees, head bobbing up and down, Carlisle pushing Dan's head down...I could hear Dan _gagging._

"D-Dan...I'm about to-!"

_OH HELL TO THE HOLY FUCKING GODDAMN NO._ Fuck that charger, I _ran_ my ass back down the hall to the room.

"You should really try looking like a girl sometimes, Vriska." Janice was playing with Vriska's hair, probably about to fucking braid it. See why I wanted my phone?

Vriska jerked her head over to the hyperventilating moirail trying to cement himself to the door. "What's with you?"

I waited a second, so I could get my breath. My eyes were burning.

"I just...I just saw," I panted. "I just saw Carlisle getting head from Dan."

Janice stopped moving the brush. Her cheeks noticably flushed. "_What?_" She asked.

I scoffed. "Dan. And. Carlisle. _Are. Having. Sex._ Right now." Did I have to be any clearer?

Vriska laughed. I mean, she put the phrase "LMFAO" to shame.

"_Two hundred_ bucks!" She hooted.

I'll admit, it was extremely shady and terrible, but there had been a pool on how long it'd take Dan and Carlisle to hook up. It was only because we all knew it would happen eventually.

I, of course, didn't take part, but Vriska took a chance and said they'd have sex during this little vacation. Even _Janice_ had put in ten dollars.

This little run-in with Dan's social life forced me to reconsider mine.

Had I ever had a girlfriend? No.

Was I eternally friendzoned with Vriska, the crowned ruler of all the sluts in New York? Yes.

Was I still a virgin? I had literally as much sexual experience as a newborn baby gosling.

Literally the only thing I had going on for me was my job as a park ranger in Central Park, and let's face it, a shitty uniform wasn't getting me laid anytime soon.

Let's face it. My entire life sucked like a Hoover. Or Dan, I assume they were nearly interchangable.

**_== Knight of Space: Be Carlisle._**

_== Carlisle: Since This is Not Really a Smut, Let's Skip To After the Sex._

"Ho-_oh_-ly shit...!" I laid down on my side on the bed, not believing what had just happened.

Dan laughed. "I-I guess our little bromance is officially wrecked..." I could tell his pulse was still racing like a little rabbit.

I reached my arm under the pillow my head was on. "I-I guess so."

Not once before had I ever thought of Dan, y'know, sexually, because it'd be weird. I guess I must have had some sort of little crush on him when I was thirteen, but I sort of suppressed it, like I had when I was six and Kathryn died. I forced myself not to dwell on it.

_I can't decide if it's a choice,_

_Getting swept away..._

Dan got up off the bed, then I heard him take his t-shirt off and mumble something about laundry. Then, he laid down next to me.

Slowly, Dan snaked his arm around me, cocking his elbow at my waist and taking my hand in his. I could feel him smiling at the back of my head.

_I hear the sound of my own voice,_

_Asking you to stay..._

What I'd told him before rang in my head: _no strings attached._ No lovey-dovey romantic "after" stuff, but...

I just couldn't bring myself to tell Dan to keep hims arms to himself. I sunk myself into his chest, feeling his warm glow.

_And all we are is skin and bone,_

_Trained to be alone..._

"'Night, Dan," I mumbled, closing my eyes. Sleepy time.

Dan tightened his grip on me. "'Night, Car..." He whispered. "I hope something like tonight...it can happen again."

_Forever goin' with the flow,_

_But, you're friction..._

* * *

**AOF: I've had this chapter finished literally since the night I posted the one before it, I was so excited.**

**AOF: This feels like the nonexistant gap between finishing _Pipe Dreams_ and posting _Still Dreaming_ all over again.**


	22. Next, On the Jackson Fields Show

**AOF: Please review, my little Dreamers...it makes authoress happy when you review. ^.^**

**AOF: Oh, by the way, I made up fandom names for myself and my friend BiPolar Unciorn. :3 She has Unicorns, and I have Dreamers.**

**AOF: Did I ever mention that?**

* * *

_== Carlisle: Be Your Sister._

**_== Seer of Hope: Watch a Fight__ Unfold._**

I knew from the get-go that Dan and Carlisle would get together.

The only reason I knew, was because Carlisle was hoping they would. He hadn't known it, but he did. Of course, being the Seer of Hope, I felt obligated to let Carlisle know he'd have sex with Dan on this trip to Alabama.

But, really. I wasn't about to fucking tell my little brother. Having the information myself was barely enough to handle.

The second morning we were at Jackson's place, everything went as supposed normal. (That question he'd asked me the morning before made me seriously reconsider what we thought as "normal".) Eridan and I woke up, we got dressed, etcetera. I won't bore you with our morning routine.

Then, when we got to the "big house" and Carlisle woke up. Well, Carlisle and Dan, I should say, because they showed up for breakfast at the same time. So obvious, you guys...

Well, anyway, Drew was glaring at Carlisle with the fierceness of a momma tiger. You could tell he was _pissed_ by what he saw last night. What older brother wouldn't be?

Carlisle yawned as him and Dan sat down. "Morning, guys..." He sounded tired.

There was a tense silence. Everybody was basically waiting for someone else to say something. Finally, Drew _did_ something.

With a quiet grunt, Drew scratched his chair back and stood up. In his unthreatening gray tank top and indigo sweat pants, Drew walked all the way around the table to stand behind Carlisle and smack him upside the head. Hard from the look of it, because it knocked Carlisle out of his chair entirely.

Car looked indignant. "What the _fuck!_" He squeaked. He cracked on "fuck", making the word nearly ultrasonic.

Drew's mouth was a straight line. "Keep _away_ from my brother, okay?"

You can guess how fast the hairs on Dan's neck stood up. He didn't dare look behind him.

Still angry, Carlisle stood up, using his chair for balance. "Why?" He asked. "There's nothing between Dan and me."

"You call me walking in to see Dan sucking your _dick_ 'nothing'?" I really didn't need the graphic details, Hollywood.

A small squeak came from Dan. "Y-You were...you were _spying_ on us, you pervert!" There was that familiar helpless little childish lilt to his voice.

"The _fuck_ I was! We share the same phone charger, dumbass! What do you think would happen if my phone died?"

"You'd fucking _knock_ like a normal person!" Carlisle shouted at him.

Right on time, Matt and Jack were coming from the hallway. When he saw the three-way fight going on, Matt turned himself and Jack around.

"Wha-?" Jack was confused. "Matt, what the he-!"

"You don't wanna get in this. It'll be bloodier than that Hell you mentioned last night."

After the terrible twosome left, the argument began again. Vriska was nibbling on a pancake, while all of us were watching.

Carlisle stepped closer to Drew. "You can't just _hit_ me because your dumb ass wasn't intelligent enough to knock," He growled in a supposedly intimidating voice.

In response, Drew punched Carlisle in the stomach, and when he doubled over onto the floor, he laughed, "And yet, I'm intelligent enough to know I _can_ hit you."

We all knew a fist fight was about to break out, but we all knew we couldn't stop it. Drew was stronger than even Eridan, we couldn't push him off.

Dan stood up, pushing his chair back and knocking it over. "_Andrew Charles...!_" He couldn't believe it.

Once again, Carlisle forced himself back up. Little scrapper was really determined to get the shit beat out of him.

"_You **bastard**, that was a cheap_ _shot!_" Carlisle shot his Nike-clad foot up, and knocked Drew into the wall behind him by kicking him in the chest.

Next thing anybody knows, Drew's broken Carlisle's glasses with another cheap shot and Carlisle nearly bit Drew in the ribs.

Finally, Dan stepped in by grabbing Carlisle by the waist and pulling him away and, bless his heart, he was almost crying.

"_Stop it!_" He shrieked. "_Stop it, you two, I'm not playing referee like I did with Drew and Sollux!_"

This was all an awful lot to stomach at nine in the morning.

**_== Seer of Hope: Be Jackson._**

_== Jackson: Play Referee._

God. I fucking hate the entire Anderson clan, Carlisle included.

I ended up being the one to break up the little mini fight and, after getting some peas for Carlisle's eye and sending Adrian to run Carlisle's smashed glasses to the nearest Lenscrafters, I ended up holding an emergancy episode of "Family Intervention" in Dan and Carlisle's guest room.

Drew was sitting Indian-style on the bed, scowling at Carlisle, and Carlisle and Dan were sitting on a bench over at the wall, with Carlisle slumping and holding the peas to his black eye.

I paced around the room in front of the door. Matt was sending the entire room a disapproving room. I sighed, but before I could lecture anybody, Matt interrupted me.

"Heeeey, my baby cousin's a scrapper!" He literally had his hand up for a high-five. Carlisle air-fived him.

I groaned. "What. In the _bloody_ hell. Is the problem here?" I asked.

For God's sakes, I was dealing with three(including Matt, four) grown _children._

Dan sighed. "Ca-Carlisle and I g-got un-unbelievably high y-yesterday af-after you left us your little present and, well, I-I guess I was still pretty buzzed last night, because when Carlisle was blubbering about his gir-gir-girl-girlfriend br-reaking up with him and m-m-maybe he w-wouldn't be missed if he was d-dead, I just sort of...w-well, we sort of ended up d-doing it."

"And _I _sort of walked in on Lewis and Clark getting it on," Drew added. He sounded abotu as pissed as Matt would've been, given the same circumstances.

...Actually, maybe Matt would've actually tried to highfive me. Moron.

Carlisle looked almost evil, glaring with his one good eye. "Drew had no right to lay a single hand on me," He insisted. "We did _nothing_ wrong. He just doesn't wanna except the fact that he can't contro-!"

"Carlisle!" Matt warned him. "Simmer down, buddy." Looks like he wasn't so proud anymore.

After considering for a second, I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed.

"Before anything else," I droned. "I want to listen to Drew try and justify what he did. And, if you speak to _me_ instead of speaking to the offending parties, I will fucking kill you on the spot, you overweight bastard child."

With another exagerrated sigh, Drew turned himself towards his brother and distant cousin-in-law. His wrung his hands together.

"I...I'm sorry, okay?" Wow, that wasn't in his ten top most used phrases. "I just...I guess I don't want Dan to grow up."

Dan raised an eyebrow. "Pardon me?"

"Hey, _you_ spend most of your childhood looking after _one_ kid." This was going to be a most emotional exchange. "Do you realize how hard it is to see you as more than just my kid brother? Hell, we're technically _GODS_, now, and I'm having trouble remembering that you don't need me around anymore."

"Who said I don't need you around?" Dan scoffed. "Dude, you've been living with me for five years. I could've kicked you out a long time ago, but I never felt like I could."

Speechless, Drew shrugged. I could tell Matt was eating this shit up like Nutella.

"Anyway, that doesn't excuse you from trying to wreck my social life." Oh. Dan wasn't finished. "Just because I stopped being twelve and helpless doesn't mean you have to jump in and try to stop me from dating people...okay? If I make a mistake and get too in it with somebody else, I think...I really think I can take care of myself. Okay? I'm twenty years old, I'm _not_ so little anymore."

Through this entire exchange, Carlisle looked surprised. I don't think he expected Drew to admit he was in the wrong, or Dan to tell Drew that it was time to let go.

Cheerfully, I clapped my hands together. "Alrighty! Well, you guys can wrap this damnedable episode of _Family_ _Feud_ up on your own. I'm starving, and I suppose Matt is, as well."

"Damn skippy. I hope Adrian made bacon."

* * *

**AOF: I don't suppose Drew could ever grow to ship CarDan.**


	23. Prince of Time: Create Closure

**AOF: So far, this was literally the most fun chapter for me to write.**

* * *

_== Jackson: Be Dan._

_**== Prince of Time: Converse with Sol.**_

The rest of the week was pretty decent. Nothing especially exciting happened except for a game of strip poker, although...well, I'll just not get into Carlisle and I.

Okay, I will. Things got fucking _weird. _Every time I tried to make eye contact with him he'd look away, and if I tried talking, he got all shy, like he was afraid of me.

Had I been right? Was our little bromance truly wrecked because of that one night?

To be completely honest, I wasn't...entirely closed-minded to a relationship between him and I. What I'm saying is, I was a little intrigued by the prospect, and...well, I really _could_ do worse.

I was thinking about all this, when my phone dinged. It was Pesterchum. I undid my lock, and checked my messages.

**-twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering adamantAnderson [AA]**-

**TA: dan?**

**TA: dan, plea2e an2wer me. plea2e, baby...**

I narrowed my eyes. An entire week, that's how long he waited? I hadn't spoken to him since the last plane ride.

**AA: Don't call me that. I am _not_ your "baby" anymore.**

**TA: dan, you KNOW that ii did not want two cheat on you. ii told you that la2t tiime!**

**AA: Sollux, you are a certified goddamn _psychic._ You could have gotten her off of you.**

**AA: You can't honestly tell me the prospect of having sex for the first time in literally _years_ didn't excite you?**

**TA: well...well, ii'll admiit, maybe a little.**

**TA: but dan, you've got two beliieve me. ii would never do anythiing two hurt you...**

**TA: nothiing would have happened iif goddamn ff hadn't have been in there in the fiir2t place, iif you remember!**

Sitting next to me, Carlisle tried to subtly lean over and read my texts. I could see him frown.

"Dickhead's wasting his time..." He muttered. Although Sollux was trying to beg for forgiveness, it gave my self-confidence a huge boost, knowing Carlisle felt so territorial about me.

**AA: Sollux...**

**AA: Maybe we could be friends again. After a while.**

**AA: But right now, I just really don't think I have anything to even _say_ to you.**

**TA: fiine. but, before you clo2e me out...**

**TA: can you tell me iif what matt told me over the phone about you and carlii2le i2 true?**

I blushed. Matt, that gossipy bitch! Did Carlisle read that?

Looking over, I saw he was in his own little world. Headphones in, phone in hand, head resting on his hand with his elbow on the armrest we didn't share. I could hear him blaring some weird-ass Nicki Minaj song. That woman was the only interest we didn't share.

**AA: I have no idea what Matt has snitched to you, but FYI, I _don't_ know how I stand with Carlisle.**

**AA: But, yes, we did have sloppy, drug-induced sex.**

**AA: Although he _will_ graduate from living from the couch to take your spot in the bed, because it'd be an awful shame for me to sleep by myself.**

That put Sollux in quite a shock for a few minutes. Probably because of my previous adamance about abstinence.

**TA: ii can't beliieve that liittle 2hiit got iin probably ten miinute2 what ii'd wanted for five year2...**

**AA: And what exactly was that, Mister Captor?**

**TA: your fiir2t tiime.**

Then, he logged out then and there. Using my newfound confidence, I decided to try a bold move.

**-adamantAnderson [AA] began pestering autoGuide [AG]-**

**AA: Hey...Car.**

Carlisle jumped at the notification. Then, he sent me a dirty look.

**AG: Youre really gonna play this game dan?**

**AA: Well, it seems you're a lot more interested in that damn phone of yours than trying to talk to me.**

**AA: Besides, you're listening to music, and it'd be awfully rude for me to interrupt so you can listen to me ramble. Plus, most of the passengers on this plane are fucking asleep.**

It's not like it wasn't true. Carlisle had been the one to come onto me, now all this static?

**AG: Im sorry dan...**

**AG: Ive just been thinking a little...okay? Because as childish as this sounds i do like you a lot but...**

**AG: Well i know youre just getting out of a serious relationship. And so am. So im confused on what to do.**

**AG: Should we try and start something or...**

**AG: Would you rather wait until everythings...**

**AG: Sorted out...?**

I looked back over at Carlisle. He still wasn't looking at me, but his peaked, pale little face was colored bright in a deep blush. When I giggled, he whipped his head straight around, black eyes big in shock.

**AG: _WHAT?_**

**AA: Heh. You're adorable when you blush, you know that?**

Carlisle slumped down, an odd little grin on his face, half-hidden by already-shaggy bangs. He was still a little pink.

**AG: Would that be a yes im sensing?**

**AA: I'm...I'm not opposed to the idea. I'll admit it.**

**AG: Will you stop cat and mousing me and just give a straight answer?**

**AA: Yes. Yes, I guess I'll say...**

**AA: I want to try us being together. The whole nine yards, not just the one night stand.**

**AG: So were like...**

**AA: Dating.**

**AG: Dating. Cool beans.**

**AA: Cool beans? XD**

**AA: You're such a derp.**

Finally, I looked up and found Carlisle glancing at me. For the first time in days, he didn't dart away like a shy little school girl. The corners of his mouth turned up in a small grin.

**AA: And you are _so_ getting Sollux's fucking spot in the bed.**

**AG: Is that a double entendre i hear?**

**AA: XDDDD**

**AA: If you want it to be, I guess. ;)**

_**== Prince of Time: Be Drew.**_

_**== Knight of Space: Be** **Jealous.**_

I could see Dan and Carlisle flirting with each other over the phone through the crack in the seats(I was sitting behind them), and it made me more than a little jealous.

Why couldn't I have something like that? Be best friends for years, sort of fall in love, end up together...that sort of shitty storybook fantasy you only see on ABC Family.

God...my life felt like a really bad episode of _F•R•I•E•N•D•S._ At least Ross got together with Rachel in the end; I didn't even _have_ a Rachel.

Really, I should've been happy for those two...but, I'm a petty person. At least I recognize that about my personality. There's a lot of assholes that don't, like that Aaron dude that Matt hated.

Seriously, wouldn't you be jealous? Dan got all the attention in the _world_, even as kids, and me...well, all beings of the opposite sex basically poked me with sticks and wondered if I could communicate in goddamn English.


	24. According To Jackson's Theory

**_== Knight of Space: Be Kathryn._**

**_== Seer of Time: Get Interrupted With Eridan._**

"Wheee!"

I'm sure we were all pretty excited to be home after the past week, but I had to be the most excited. There had been basically nothing but Jackson's stuff in his second cabin, so there'd been nothing to do except Eridan.

And after every single night for a week, even sex can lose the appeal.

Eridan laughed when I ran right into the apartment. He'd gotten stuck carrying our two suitcases.

"You're in a good mood," He chuckled. "Must've been the nap."

I'd taken a nap in the cab on the way back from the airport, because I hadn't been able to sleep the entire plane right and had been a bitch because of that. Now I was all sunshine and rainbows.

Putting the suitcases down on the carpet, Eridan came over to me, wrapped an arm around me, and leaned down. We managed to get a quick, wet kiss before my cell rang.

I pulled away, surprised and annoyed by this interruption. "H-hold on."

I took my pink Galaxy out of the pocket of my shorts, and saw a number I didn't recognize. Feeling obligated, I answered.

"Hello...?"

"Kathryn, I presume?" Oh, crap. "Could you please give the phone to Eridan? I would have called him, however, Matt didn't take the liberty of giving me the number of my new cousin-in-law."

I rolled my eyes. Eridan looked pissed by this interruption, too.

"Can't this _wait_, Jackson?" I growled into the receiver. "For God's sakes, we _just_ got home!"

"What, did I interrupt something?" He asked. "I'm only trying to be sure of a theory I've had brewing in my mind for the duration of this past week. It is _crucial_ that I speak with your husband."

Oh my _God._ Theories. I thought Eridan had been done with experiments after Matt went crazy trying to "learn more about the genetic makeup of our Alternian friends". It was obvious these two were related.

"Fine." I pointed my phone in Eridan's direction, mouthing, "Jack."

Frowning, Eridan took the phone.

"Bloody hell, Jack! _What_ is it?" He was a little bit more vocal than I.

I couldn't hear Jack prattling on the other end, but I could tell from Eridan's facial expression that it wasn't a normal request.

"You want me to..._what?_ What the _hell_ is _that?_ Why would I _buy_ one?" It could have been a dildo or a sacrificial calf for all I knew.

"**_You're telling me that Kathryn never discussed the probability of a pregnancy with__ you?_**" Jack screeched out that question so loud, Eridan held the phone away from his ear.

I'll admit, we never had discussed the likelihood of children, because...well, up until Matt forced Jack to confess his heritage as Feferi's half brother, none of us assumed it was _possible._ Did Jack think I'm pregnant?

"Okay, look, I do have reason to suspect that our dear, sweet Katie may have already conceived the first natural troll/human child," Jack explained. Eridan put the phone on speaker after he calmed down. "Even though my only evidence is her sudden, violent mood swings, I would like to know for sure. Simply to ease my mind."

This is what Jack wanted us to do; Eridan, to buy three different brands of pregnancy test. Me, to take them twenty minutes apart from each other. If his suspicions were correct, at least two would come out positive. If not, one or none. And if all three were positive, he was a fucking genius.

"_How the hell am I going to generate that much piss?_ I'm a 21 year old woman, not a dachshund!"

"With all the movie watching you two do, I honestly can not believe you haven't seen _Juno._"

We ended up going down and getting the pregnancy tests, plus a gallon of apple juice to help speed the process along.

Against my will, I did exactly what Jack told me to; I drank two cups of juice, then took a test, each of them 20 minutes apart.

The first test, to Jack's disappointment, was negative.

The second was positive. I wrote it off as a false positive.

The third pregnancy test...it was a positive.

According to Jackson's Theory, I was _pregnant._

"_Whooo!_ I'm getting better at this detective-sleuthing stuff!"

"Whoopdee fucking doo."

**_== Seer of Hope: Be Your Brother._**

_== Carlisle: Set Limits._

When we got home, Drew and Vriska went into their room for a bit of napping. I looked around the living room awkwardly.

"I'm...I'm moving into your room?" I asked. "You sure?"

Dan nodded, grinning cheerfully. "Of course. You've been out here on the couch for too long." He picked up his red duffel bag, ready to bring it into the bedroom.

Without thinking, I grabbed the strap. "Wait!"

"What's wrong?" He looked at me quizzically. His grip on the strap loosened a little.

I took it from him. "L-Let me carry that." It came to me on the spot, but his bag had seemed a little heavy, which it was. Might as well try and be chivalrous.

It was fairly easy to move into the bedroom; Sollux's stuff was already gone, so I just had to stuff my clothes into the empty drawers. And I didn't even _have_ much.

After I was legally moved in, it was...well, awkward. What was I supposed to say?

Dan reclined back on the mattress, stretching his legs out. He was already dressed for bed, wearing crimson sweatpants and a red tank top. He took the remote from the nightstand, and turned the TV on.

"I think we should talk about a few things," He told me in a soft voice. "since neither of us have done this before."

I practically jumped. You'd think he was telling you a puppy died.

"Done what?" I asked.

_Much as you blame yourself,_

_You can't be blamed_

_For the way that you feel..._

Dan shrugged. "Well, you've always been with girls...and I've never had an especially physical relationship," Dan admitted. "The most Sollux and I did that I was comfortable with, sexually, was kissing. There's bound to be things you're comfortable with and I'm not, and vice-versa. Maybe we should set...set a few limits, although not extensively, to allow a bit of...of flexibility."

I could tell he was nervous about bringing this subject up so quickly. He was picking at his fingernails, with the remote balanced perfectly on his stomach. I stretched out beside him on the bed, resting my head in the palm of my hand.

_You had no example_

_Of a love that was_

_Even remotely real..._

"What kind of 'limits'?" I asked.

Dan kept his eyes on the TV. "Like, umm...I-I don't think you and I should have sex..." He confessed. "at least, not for a while. It was a stupid mistake for me to make, actually consenting, _however_ enjoyable it was for either of us." He started chewing on his bottom lip. "Okay?"

_How can you_

_Understand something_

_That you've never had?_

Slowly, I nodded. "Alright." Obviously, no discussion like this had ever happened between him and Sollux, or else he wouldn't be acting so nervously professional.

"A-and...um..." His eyes wandered to the ceiling. "I-I've been talking t-too much, h-haven't I? W-why don't you...maybe I should shut up."

_If you let me,_

_I can help you out_

_With all of that..._

I chuckled. "I don't mind listening to you go on and on," I told him. "And, I really _do_ agree with taking it slow...although...you _were_ really good."

Dan's face lit up in his favorite color. I grinned a cocky little smirk.

_Let me love you,_

_And I will love you,_

_Until you learn to love yourself..._

"A-and you were r-really needy," Dan shot back, a pleased little look on his face. He _loved_ compliments.

He started wring his fingers together, probably waiting for me to say something.

_Oh, let me love you,_

_I know your trouble._

_Don't be afraid; oh, I can help..._

"I don't think anybody else should know," I said experimentally. "For a while...you know, until we figure if we could make a relationship work."

"S-sounds reasonable," Dan agreed, his nervous little pout turning into a smile. I didn't understand why he was acting so nervous, but it was...a little adorable.

_Let me love you, _

_And I will love you,_

_Until you learn to love yourself..._

In a somewhat bold move, I reached over and took one of Dan's hands, seperating them. His eyes met mine.

"I really think you and I make a really great couple." I meant it, too. "There's no need to be all nervous and jittery. Okay?"

_A heart in a mess_

_Gets brought to life_

_I'll take you there..._

Dan's tight grip on my hand loosened. He smiled a little more.

"I-I'm sorry..." He apologized. "I-I guess I'm just...a little t-tired. Maybe...maybe it's time for bed."


	25. Minecrafter Problems

**AOF: I'm sorry this took so long to upload; I've been really sick lately, and when I finally finished this chapter for the first time, I fucked up by deleting the file_ holding_ the chapter and going on to the next one.**

**AOF: God, I'm stupid.**

* * *

**_== Prince of Time: Be Matt._**

**_== Prince of Mind: Sort Things__ Out._**

"_Pregnant?_ What do you...what d'ya mean, _pregnant?_"

Right when we got home. Right when we got through the door, this shit started.

I managed to wedge my phone to my ear with my shoulder, and carried mine and Janice's suitcases to the bedroom. Janice was putting a wailing Jason down for a nap.

Of course, Sollux couldn't help us get back settled in; he was curled up on the couch the the new love of his life, an empty bottle of vodka.

"It's astounded me as well, no matter how much they've had sex between now and last Wednesday," Jack warbled in my ear. "But, what shocks me the most is the fact that they haven't used _any_ protection. Eridan didn't even know what a condom _was_ when I asked him."

"You're shitting me." By the time Janice and I first had sex, we'd had a brand of condom picked out. "But, it's only been about a week since their first time...I'm sure of it. Isn't it literally _impossible_ to tell at this point?"

"Mph." Jack must've shrugged. "All I know is, two pregnancy tests in a row came back positive. _That_ is no coincidence. Besides, this isn't purely human DNA we're dealing with, either; she could be dealing with some weird sci-fi-esque shit in her uterus coming up these next few months."

I couldn't understand why Jack was so interested in this. I mean, sure, he wouldn't be the only troll/human child anymore and all that, but still, even I'd figured this would happen sooner or later. Our entire family basically had the collective libido of a teenage rabbit, so it was a matter of time before I'd recieved this call.

"Look, Jack, it's too late for this. Almost eleven. Could you just give it a rest until tomorrow? Even God rested on the seventh day."

"You don't believe in God, shithead."

"And adults don't believe in fairy tales, and yet we make reference every day of our lives. Don't nitpick; it lowers the collective intelligence of the entire street."

We made a plan; the next morning, I'd go off and talk with Eridan and Kathryn. Help them get a basic idea of what they were dealing with, in the case they plan to bring this child into the world. All of that.

"Good _night_, Jackson. Don't call me again unless Adrian dies of a heart attack or our asshole father contacts you." I hung up right then and there.

Janice was waiting for me in the bedroom, sitting on the bed in a sexy little violet slip. She was taking her hair down from her high ponytail.

"What was all that about?" She asked. "Is everything okay?"

I nodded, shrugging off my shirt then unbuckling my belt. "Well, it looks like my goodie two-shoes cousin hasn't been careful, and now it seems like that Eridan Jr. will finally be coming about."

"Oh my God."

"I know, right?"

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Your Brother-In-Law._**

**_== Prince of Time: Wake Up in the Middle of the Night._**

I think I woke up because I'd wanted a glass of water; I dunno. Enhanced body heat can dehydrate you like a motherfucker, and quickly. I'm not even kidding; it's like a constant fever.

Anyway, not the point. I was so obsessed with getting my drink of water that, until I returned from the kitchen, I didn't notice Carlisle sort of...twitching, I suppose. Twitching and whimpering, a little. Like a little puppy. I couldn't make out exact words.

_Is he having a nightmare?_ I didn't know how to deal well with nightmares. _Well, shit, son._

I turned on the bedside lamp on my side, and shook Carlisle.

"Car...hon?" I whispered. "Carlisle, wake up. Wake up...!"

After a few more attempts, I managed to jolt Carlisle awake. His eyes were so dark and bleary, I swear he didn't have any pupils for a second.

"Da'?" He mumbled. "Wassa mattah, Da'...?"

I laughed quietly. "You were, like...upset or something," I told him. "Were you having a nightmare?"

"I guess...I dunno." Carlisle sounded really sleepy.

Satisfied with this answer, I decided it was sleepytime. When I laid back down, Carlisle lazily draped his arm around my side and cuddled up to my back.

_Heh. He really is adorable when he's sleepy._ "Good night, Car." I put my hand over his.

"'Night, Dan..." I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. It tickled a little, even with my hair in the way.

It was a good first night back home, I suppose.

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Carlisle in the Morning._**

_== Carlisle: Rise._

The next morning, I'd had no idea I'd had a bad dream. Sometimes I just sort of don't remember.

I was a little later to wake up than usual, because by the time I finally joined the living, Dan'd had a shower already, dried his hair, and was brushing it out with a brush obviously stolen from Vriska.

"Mornin', sleepyhead." He chimed. He was sitting Indian-style on the floor in front of the bed. "Drew tried to come in earlier and wake you up, and I nearly punched him in the mouth."

"Alright." Drew and I were still, to borrow a word from Dan, standoffish about each other.

Instead of getting dressed, I watched Dan brush his hair. Fascinating thing, his hair. When straight, it almost reached his shoulder blades now. I reached back, and stroked my own short, coarse, black hair.

"I think I'm going to grow my hair out," I announced.

"Ha...I'd like to see you try," Dan laughed. "I'll bet it'll never get as long as mine."

"What makes you say that?"

"Dude, Feffy could braid it when I was twelve. _Twelve._ I've got quite the head start."

Wow, Dan with braided hair. I couldn't decide if that was creepy or endearing. "I'd like to see that, someday."

Dan patted down his now tangle-free hair. "Really?" He asked. "I could ask Vriska if she could do it. Or, I guess I could, I've braided several girls' hair before..."

_Oh my God, he's dead serious._ I didn't have the heart to tell him I was half-joking.

After a couple more minutes, we departed for the kitchen. Drew was wearing an apron, going to town with the stove. He must've been planning on grocery shopping.

"Nice to see that I missed whatever wild sex show must have gone on last night, boys," He mumbled into the bacon grease.

I blushed indignantly, but Dan didn't skip a beat. "Mornin', big bro. Say, are you pregnant, or is that a food baby you're sportin'?"

"Daniel Marche, I both cook your food, and I know the location of our supply of rat poison."

You should've _seen_ the way Dan rolled his eyes at the back of Drew's head. He could get so _sassy_ sometimes, it was like he was the Sass Master or something.

Several line of witty dialogue later, Drew presented the two of us with a plate piled high with bacon, one with pancakes, and the nessicary utensils to eat them.

"Serve's up, fuckers," He grumbled, taking off his apron. "Vriska's sleeping in, so don't bother with her."

I saw Dan bite his tongue, fighting off some sort of remark. He was on some sort of roll this morning.

A few minutes later, Drew mumbled under his breath, "Money's gonna start getting tight real soon, guys."

Dan flinched at the sudden statement, looking up. I wasn't fazed much.

"Well, what did you expect?" Drew asked. "Our primary income's now living on the streets, probably. It burns my soul a special place in hell to say this, but I think we may have _needed_ Captor, the cheating bastard."

Drew paused a moment, to catch a breath. The reality of his statement settled in a little.

"But, things are gonna be fine. I don't want either of you taking up a job; if Sollux's gonna be a little pussy, then I can man up and see if I can get a better job. Vriska's gonna look around, too. But if I catch either of you with a Want ads page in your hands, I'm going to kick your ass. Capieche?"

After we finished breakfast, Drew went off to work. For the first time since we'd met, he really worried me.

Drew really didn't need to try and solve everything himself. I'd be happy to get a job and help support the four of us; I had no plans for college, so I needed something to really keep myself busy.

Later, after did the dishes and all that, Drew went off to work. I watched Dan play Minecraft on our Xbox, and I told him all that.

Dan frowned at the TV. "I...I don't know ab-bout you g-going and doing that, C-Car."

What? "Why?"

"Well, call me selfish, but I just don't-_God**damn** it, where do these creepers come_ _from?_" He pumped the controller down, looking ready to throw it.

I rolled my eyes. "Dan, before you get murdered by more video game constructs, please answer my question."

"Okay," Dan agreed, loosening his grip on the controller. "Sorry I got distracted. Creepers are just such _assholes_, and I wish you understood this plight. You really should start playing Minecra-!"

"_Dan._" It was too early for this spiel.

Dan sighed. "S-sorry." He shook his head. "A-anyway, the reason I d-don't want you working is...well...I'd get lonely." He turned his head slightly more away from me. "B-but, it really d-doesn't m-matter, h-how I f-feel ab-bout it, s-so if you really _do_ w-want to, then there's n-n-nothing I can really do to stop you."

_I can see the pain_

_Behind your eyes_

_It's been there for quite a while..._

That...that was a little adorable, what he just said. "Well, if it matters to you, then I guess your opinion _does_ matter, Dan."

"Wh-wha?" Dan paused the game and looked my way, with a sort of "deer in the headlights" quality to his expression.

I shrugged, then leaned over and gave him a long, soft kiss.

_I just wanna_

_Be the one to remind you_

_What it is to smile..._

"Y'know, a smidge of self-confidence can go a long way in life, Dan," I told him, pulling away and grinning.

Dan sort of stared at me, blushing, with a wide-eyed look.

"I-I guess..." He stammered. "G-guess...th-that...uh, s-sorry."

_I would like_

_To show you what_

_True love can really do..._

We sort of made out for a little bit, and it was nice. Finally tore his attention away from that fucking video game.

I guess neither of us heard the bedroom door open(sickeningly familiar), because the next thing I heard was a cackle.

A cackle followed by, "Holy _shit_, what a wonderful wake-up present, you guys."


	26. Good Guy Matt

**AOF: God_damn_it, I think I ship CarDan._  
_**

**Carlisle: We're just too _delicious_ for ya, babe. ;p**

**AOF: GET OUT.**

* * *

_== Carlisle: Be Matt._

_**== Prince of Mind: Go Be a Parental**** Figure.**_

The next morning, I set out to go talk with Kathryn and Eridan. Help them figure what to do.

Now, normally, I didn't like going and doing things during the day. I worked just about every other night, whenever Nicholas needed me, and Janice sometimes worked during the day, so I liked to stay home as much as I could. Spend time with my favorite girl and growing baby boy.

It was a fairly short trip to their apartment; however, I think I spotted the infamous Aaron Wilkerson. I avoided him, but he could have easily seen me.

_Matt, **stop** being paranoid, you stupid **fuck**; it could have easily been Jason._ He _did_ look remarkably similar to his little brother.

I skipped knocking on the door; Eridan had shown me where they kept the spare key a long time ago.

They weren't awake yet, so I chilled on the couch watching TV for a little bit. They had amazing satellite, and I made the most of it watched Disney XD.

Around ten, I was almost arrested for breaking and entering before Kathryn recognized me. I invited her to sit with me and talk, and sent Eridan off.

"But, Matt, this is _my_ house-!"

"You got my big cousin Katie pregnant. To the fuckin' bedroom, Hoss."

When Eridan left, I folded my hands on top of my right knee, and I sighed.

"Kate, talk to me," I told her. "You're a smart chicka. How could you have not been careful?"

Kathryn looked away. "I-I didn't think that this could _happen,_" She confessed. "I mean, I didn't think a troll can impregnate a human. Not until you told us about Jack."

I shook my head. "Well, obviously, _that's_ been blown out of the water." Reaching over, I took both her hands in mine. Her little, little hands. "Have you t-talked with Eridan about keeping it?"

"_What?_" Obviously, she hadn't considered abortion.

I squeezed her hands. "Hey, if the two of you aren't ready for something as huge as this, then you're not. I'm not telling you what to do, but it seems a little sudden to raise a child right after getting married. And I wouldn't judge you if decide aborting it is the best option, okay? You're my family, and I still love you."

This seemed like a bit much all at once, but Kathryn was gonna need this kind of support when Carlisle flipped the fuck out and held a shotgun to Eridan's throat, redneck-style.

"I just don't know what to do." Those sounded like the hardest seven words Kathryn had ever spoken. "I-I mean, Eridan's been freaking out, and I've been freaking out, and I just...we...I don't _know_, Matt." She shook her head. "Your stupid fucking _brother_ never should have stuck his nose in our business. I'm giving myself a heart attack."

I shrugged, smiling. "Well, he only called you for your own well-being," I told her. "And the baby, of course. I want you to calm down and talk to Eridan, rationally, about this, okay?"

Still looking upset, Kathryn nodded.

"And if he even thinks about running out on you, I will personally castrate that motherfucker and make his dick into a dildo." I had personally strong feelings about Eridan at the moment.

Kathryn grimaced at the thought of that. "Erm...th-thanks, I guess?"

I grinned. "No problem. What's family for?"

We hugged it out, I told Kathryn to schedule a doctor's appointment ASAP to determine the likelihood of this being a false pregnancy, then I took my leave.

I really loved Katie and Carlisle. Aside from Jack, they were my only real blood family...I hadn't heard from my father since the day I first put that disk in my computer, and my mom was never really in the picture much.

However Carlisle took the news when Kathryn decided to tell people, whether or not Kathryn and Eridan decided they were ready for a child, there's one thing I knew.

I hoped that it would be a girl.

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Dan._**

**_== Prince of Time: Get Caught With Carlisle._**

"Holy _shit,_ what a wonderful wake-up present, you guys."

I opened my eyes, hearing Vriska's voice. Carlisle pulled himself off of me, and I yelped.

"_V-Vriska!_" Shit! "You're...awake..."

Vriska strolled through the living room to the kitchen, dressed in one of Drew's gray tank tops and a pair of blue shorts.

"Oh, don't you two try and cover it up," She sighed, starting to make herself a bowl of cereal. "Drew read your little chat on the plane last night. He told me you decided to start dating. Sort of adorable, if you ask me, but I'm only a spectator. Don't mind me."

_Fuckin' Drew!_ I mentally seethed. _Godammit! That gossipy **bitch.** Not to mention_ _nosy._

"That's right. Don't mind little ol' Vriska, boys..." Vriska took her cereal, a bowl of Drew's Captain Crunch, and went back to their bedroom. The TV started to blare out what I suppose was the theme to _The Fairly Odd Parents._

I glanced over at Carlisle; the whole time, neither of us had taken our eye off of Vriska. His black hair was mussed up, sticking out in awkward places, his glasses were off-balance, and he looked plain _annoyed_ from her intrusion.

"W-well, th-that..." I stuttered. "I g-guess that, u-uh...k-killed the m-mood."

"Yeah..." Carlisle agreed, still pouting. "Damn."

I could still feel his tongue on the inside of my teeth. "Wh-why don't I, uh...why don't I t-teach you how to play Minecraft?" My heart was fluttering like a tiny little hummingbird. "I-it's not as h-hard as it looks, but, uh-"

"Yeah, I'd like that." Carlisle finally grinned. "Helpin' you fight the little, ah...blocky things."

"Creepers."

"That's what I said. Creepers. Yeah, those. Gimme the controller."

"_Hell_ no, noob!" I was almost done building a _masterpiece._ "Five...five more minutes, 'kay?"

Carlisle rolled his eyes. "Y'know, one'a these days, we're gonna hold a Minecraft intervention for you, Dan. And it ain't gon' be pretty."

* * *

**AOF: Hm. This is a little shorter than we're used to.**

**AOF: Oh well.**


	27. Filler Like The Inside of a Pastry

**AOF: For reference, "Boss" is totally a thing Dan likes to do.**

* * *

**_== Prince of Time: Be Your Brother._**

**_== Knight of Space: Trudge to Work._**

My job was barely even a fucking _job._ All I had to do was pick up litter, convict-style. I even had a stick.

"I hate my life." And whoever dropped a half-eaten Snickers in the fucking grass. "I _hate_ my life."

Y'know, when you're a kid, if you watch Spongebob, you wanna end out like Spongebob. Well, I got stuck being that asshole, Squidward. It sucked.

By the time it was noon, I was sick and tired of the heat. New York City could get _sweltering_ at the end of summer, I'd found, and now I wanted to go back to Jackson's lake.

Then, my phone beeped. Seeing no litter around, I decided it was about time for a break, so I sat down on a bench and read my text.

**-arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling aquaticGreenery [AG2]-**

**AG: Hey, Drew.**

**AG: I 'accidentally' let it slip that we know a8out the CarDan situation. ;)**

**AG2: what the hell vriska**

**AG: Well, don't h8 on me! You _should've_ told th8m at 8reakfast, idi8t.**

**AG2: well im _soooorrrrrrrry_**

**AG2: i had better things to think about**

**AG2: howd they find out anyway**

**AG: Well, funny story.**

**AG: I walked out of the 8edroom to go get a bowl of your cereal, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw them making out while Dan had Minecraft paused.**

**AG2: lovely imagery**

**AG: Thank you. Anyway, I could sense the 8ullshit excuses Dan was a8out to start making, so I stopped him on the spot and told them.**

**AG: And Carlisle just sorta sat there.**

**AG2: because hes carlisle**

**AG: Exactly.**

**AG: Y'know, maybe we should think about getting together. It's basically the only couple pairing nobody has considered yet even though it's fucking obvious.**

**AG2: vriska you _do_ realize nepeta has been shipping us for years right**

**AG: Well, _d8mn._**

_**== Knight of Space: Be Eridan.**_

_== Eridan: Talk with Kathryn._

What in the _hell_ was Matt's problem with me?

After Matt left, Kathryn came in the bedroom, and told me we needed to talk. That's never a good sign.

"Eridan, you and I _need_ to decide what we're going to do," Kathryn told me flatly. We were sitting on the bed. "I mean, about the baby...because, if I really _am_ pregnant-"

"Then, I'm gonna be right here for you." I'd heard what Matt had said about me walking out, and I had never felt so insulted in my life. And that includes when I was only six sweeps old and everybody hated me and Kathryn was always at my throat.

Kathryn stared at me as if she were stupid. "Huh?"

"Kat, babe...I'm _not_ goin' anywhere." I reached up, and pulled a lock of hair behind her ear. "And, if you are...you know...then I wouldn't mind being a father."

"...You're...you're not scared?"

"Hell yes, I'm fucking terrified. But, we've babysat Jason countless times; we know how to change diapers, how to deal with boo-boos, how to do all of that. Why not with one we can keep at the end of the day?"

I'll admit, trolls aren't hard-wired for parenthood. I have _no_ idea whose loins I come from, and I still have no personal desire to find out, after hearing Jack's stunning lineage. But, if this was what human husbands did, then I was willing to rise to the challenge.

"Soo..." Kathryn stalled. "When I'm fat and screaming at you over nothing, you're still going to want to have this baby?"

A shiver ran down my spine, remembering Janice's pregnancy. I'd almost lost a horn during those nine months, and I still had a chip in one of my teeth.

"O-of course." Damn my hesitation. Damn it all to hell.

For a second, I almost thought she didn't believe me. Then, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders in a hug, and put her head on my shoulder.

"You really are the best, Eri." It really felt wonderful to hear someone, especially her, say that. "I love you."

"I love you too, Kat."

Well, now this was solved. Sort of.

_== Eridan: Be Carlisle._

_== Carlisle: Minecraft._

Dan really did try teaching me how to play Minecraft, but I suggested we try playing it on the laptop later that night. We put the damned game away, and Vriska joined us in a Harry Potter marathon.

And, no matter what that slut tells you in later narrations, the only reason I cried when Cedric died was because of an eyelash in my eye. _Not_ because I'm a closeted _Twilight_ fan.

"You...you've gotta hit _this_ to do a block, Car..." Dan put his hand on mine, and moved it to the right. "You've gotta right-click."

"Oh. Heh." I put out a few blocks of dirt, then struck them back down. "I think I'm getting the hang of this. Hey, play some music, Dan."

He crawled across the bed, to get his phone from the nightstand. "Anything...anything in particular you want to li-listen to?"

"Whatever you choose is fine with me," I told him. Except for his obsession with _Glee_, Dan and I had basically the same taste.

While Dan scrolled through his music library, I sat with his laptop, gettin' into this shit.

I dug into the ground to get more building materials and all that, and Dan grinned. "Ha!" He must have found a song.

It was an older P!nk song. _Who Knew._ I like that song.

Dan watched me build from over my shoulder. I couple times I got frustrated and put a block in the wrong place, but he helped me fix it.

The whole time, his phone was quietly blasting out music. On shuffle, no doubt, because shuffle's the shit. Anyway, I didn't listen carefully until one song in particular came on.

"_When you done done me in your bed, I felt it. I tried to be chill, but you're so hot that I melted.__" _I couldn't help snickering. _"And I fell right through the cracks...but, I'm tryin' to get back."_

"Dude, that song is so old," I teased him.

In the computer screen, I saw Dan's reflection blush in astonishment. "Sh-shut up! Not every song I listen to is about sex and sappy breakups, you know!"

"You realize, this song is mostly _about_ se-"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up."

I snickered again. "You know I'm only playing, Dan. It's just a song."

He must have crossed his arms in his indignation, because they dropped. One of his hands landed on my knee.

"Well...yeah. I guess." He started sounding...I don't know. The way he had that morning. Submissive, like he couldn't win, had there been a competition.

I paused the game, closing the laptop and setting it aside. I turned towards Dan, who was looking down at his socked feet. He had his legs up on the bedspread, crossed Indian-style.

"C'mere." Dan looked up at me, with a kicked-bunny-rabbit look burning in his mahogany-brown eyes.

I chuckled, grinning. Then, I leaned over and gave him a little kiss on the nose.

"You really need to stop taking things so personally, Dan..." I shifted myself on the bed a little, and pecked him on the lips. "Okay?"

Dan still looked a little unsure. He nibbled on his bottom lip.

"I-I can only try...Boss."

* * *

**AOF: Oh my God you two WHY NOT JUST FUCK ALREADY.**

**Dan: Um, you realize...what _you_ just said...right, Boss?**

**AOF: ...Oh.**


	28. Time Skip

_== Carlisle: Be Matt._

_**== Prince of Mind: Set the Setting For A Month and A Half Later.**_

A couple of weeks before my 22nd birthday, Sollux was literally still living with us. I'd expected him to crash at our apartment for, like, a _week_, tops.

Not a fucking _month._ The only good thing was, Janice and I didn't have to call Eridan or Jason Sr. just to go out together.

"Let me make this _perfectly clear_, Captor; you do not _sleep_ while watching my child. You do not _touch_ Matt's laptop, or our desktop. And if I even _think_ that you've touched a drop of alcohol by the time we get home, I will rip those four nubbly horns clean off and I will _shove them up your ass_. You understand?"

"Yeth...yeth, ma'am." Janice had to paper-train him first, though.

The reason she was so angry about Sollux messing with our computers was because he'd used them before to...well, I don't know _what_ that psycho did, but he made the laptop blow up. We had to buy a new one.

Really, not much changed between the time period of the last chapter and this chapter...although, Carlisle _did_ come out of the proverbial closet. Kate took it much easier than we expected, her being 'psycho older sister' and all.

_I_, personally, suppose her Hopey thing did it, so it must not've been a shock.

We could all still do our little "things". I wasn't sure how to activate mine, though, since Mind is sort of a tricky battlefield, but Drew's got it easy. He could fuckin' levitate things and shit.

However, it'd be pretty terrifying to find out what Sollux's "Doomy thing" was. Thankfully, I still don't quite know, and I don't think he does, either.

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Dan._**

**_== Prince of Time: Dress Yourself._**

A month and a half later, Carlisle and I had been dating for a month and a half. Drew even outed us to the rest of our little group, the rat bastard.

Anyway, I'd taken up the habit of waking up earlier, so I'd be dressed and ready before Carlisle was up.

I didn't have a lot of variety when it came to clothes. The most different thing I owned was Sollux's old Gemini t-shirt(like, the one he wore during Sburb, old), and I never wore it. I only kept it because I couldn't accept that fact that I planned to never speak to him again.

I'll never forget the date that I broke that vow of silence. September 22nd.

Started out like any other morning. I woke up, pried myself from Carlisle's borderline possessive grasp, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and then changed from my PJ's.

While I was taking my shirt off, Matt called. Curious, I obviously answered.

"Dan, you've gotta get this fucker _out of my house._" Not a single greeting. "Sollux _fucking_ Captor has refused to get his skinny _ass_ off of my living room couch since the night you kicked him out, and I swear to God, he's become an alcoholic. He won't leave until you speak to him, which I think you haven't done since we left Jack's place. Please, _please_ come talk to him. Do something. Jesus fucking..._fuck._"

I'd never heard somebody say so much on only one breath. Matt sounded pissed, and tired, and...desperate.

"A...alright, Matt. I-I'll...I'l be over. But I'm shirtless right now, so-"

"I don't care if you come over stark-naked. Get this _asshole_ out of my _apartment._"

And Matt just hung up right there.

I quickly put on a pair of jeans and, still feeling a bit of spite in my little black heart, slipped on Sollux's old shirt. Then, I ran down to Matt's place as fast as I could.

I only had to knock once, and Matt opened the door. His bushy blonde hair was starting to get a little curly, and his eyes were a little bloodshot from lack of sleep.

"We're going out to breakfast," He announced to me. "Get that depressed _fucker_ out."

I stepped out of the way, and he walked out of the apartment, followed by Janice holding Jason. Janice patted my shoulder good luck, while Jason happily waved and babbled, "Bye, unnah dah!"

Despite the circumstances of my visit, I couldn't help grinning. Jason was gonna grow up and be a happy kid one day, despite strange spiritual uncles and aunts always living out of his living room.

Hesitantly, I stepped inside, and I quietly closed the door.

"S...Sol?" I called out. "Sollux?"

"_Dan?_" Sollux sounded like he couldn't believe it. He sat up, and let me tell you something.

Sollux Captor looked a mess.

He was wearing a stained, wrinkly, body-tight t-shirt that showed off his ribs, and when I walked closer, I could see he was still wearing beige skinny jeans. Those same damn jeans. And his hair was a mess, like, it was all...poofy. Sollux looked like a _fuzzball_. I could barely see his horns.

Slowly, I circled my way around the couch, and gingerly sat on the overstuffed armchair. Sollux watched me, his bicolored eyes wide in wonder and bloodshot without sleep.

"Da...Dan." Sollux barely mouthed my name. I could see one of his fangs were chipped.

I shrugged. "You look like _shit_, Sollux. I didn't think you'd take it so hard."

Sollux looked over to the side, like the arm of the couch suddenly became so interesting. "Well...I told you a thouthand times, I _didn't_-!"

"Save the broken record for the choir, sweetheart. If I hear _that_ spiel one more goddamn time, I'm going to break your jaw, and then walk out of your life _forever._"

_How dare you say that_

_My behavior's unacceptable?_

Sollux gave me a shocked look at my attitude. I shrugged again, giving him an innocent look.

"Where...where did _that_ come from?" Sollux asked after a long pause.

_So condescending,_

_Unnecessarily critical._

I shrugged. "I don't know. Ever since I put you on the street, I've..." I laughed. "I've basically been a sassy gay _bitch._ Quite exhilarating, by the way."

Sollux rolled his eyes, sighing. "Dan, pleathe, jutht...Dan, I thtill love you...I know you thaid that we could thtill be friendth, but...I jutht _can't_. Why can't you let thith go?"

_I have the tendancy of_

_Getting very physical._

"Are you _serious?_" I scoffed. "It's not like everybody _didn't_ know you were more of a slut than a two dollar hooker! Now, we just have _proof!_"

"**_I'm__ eathy?_**" Yes, that's what I said. "What about _you_, you hypocritical _whore?_ I thpent the better half of _five yearth_ wanting to have thex with you, but Carlisle getth a _little_ bit teary-eyed, and thuddenly, whoop! You jutht-!"

_So, watch your step._

_'Cause, if I do, you'll need a miracle._

"_I. Was. On. Pot!_" I shouted. I could feel my pulse rise, I was getting so mad. "And what _I've _done on my _own_ time has nothing to do with you, Sollux! Jesus fucking..._fuck!_"

Sollux was making me so..._furious._ It was hell for me to try and contain it, because of the whole "I'm the Prince of Time _and_ Rage" thing, and there was nothing I wanted more than to knock out that damned chipped tooth of him.

_You drained me dry, and made me_

_Wonder why I'm even here._

"You know what? **_Fuck. You._**I hope you go straight to Hell where you _belong_, Sollux, and I hope Satan rapes you with his _spikey dick_, because that's _exactly_ what you deserve!"

I stormed out right then and there, not bothering anymore. I didn't even lock the door behind me.

_This double vision I was seein'_

_Is finally clear._

My heart was pounding and I was sweating like a beast. I was _furious._ Sollux had _no right_ to judge _me_ from a bad judgement call.

Not one right whatsoever.

_You want to stay, but you know very well_

_I want you **gone.**_

I think Carlisle might have texted me, but I didn't notice. I didn't even think I'd brought my phone with me.

Come to think of it, I'm not even sure if I took the stairs or elevator back down to the apartment. Probably stairs...yeah, it sounds like something I'd do.

_Not fit to **FUCKING** tread_

_The ground that I am walking on!_

When I walked in, Carlisle was waiting at the door. I barely noticed him.

"Where have you _been?_" He demanded. "I woke up, and you're gone without a trace. No note, no tex-_is that Sollux's shirt you're wearing?_"

That set me off. Without thinking, I stripped the shirt off, and threw it on the floor inside-out.

Then, I marched over to an open spot in the living room wall, and put my fist right through it.

"_**God fucking DAMMIT, I shouldn't have gone to go fucking see** **him!**_"

It wasn't until a few seconds later that I felt the sting of my scraped knuckles. Not to mention my likely broken hand.

"Dan!" Carlisle came over and he pulled my hand out of the drywall. "Dan, are you _insane?_"

My hand, it hurt. It hurt a lot. It sent me over the edge; tears started welling up, and I felt a huge lump in my throat.

I put my hand over my wrist, where Carlisle had his. I couldn't even flex my knuckles.

"M-my hand," I wailed. "My hand hurts."

Poor Carlisle. He didn't have a clue what was going on, or why I was so upset. He just stood there, holding my wrist.

"Dan, Car, _what_ the fuck is going on?"

Shit. We woke Drew up.

**_== Prince of Time/Rage: Be Drew._**

**_== Knight of Space: First Aid._**

It was the punch that woke me up, but I didn't go out until I heard Dan crying.

My worse case scenario was Carlisle had punched Dan. I'd been ready to kill him. But, when I ran in and saw _Dan_ with a scraped-up, bleeding hand and a hole in the wall, I pieced things together.

And, I ended up with a first aid kit in my hand, sitting on the couch, nursing Dan's injury and listening to him blubber the whole story. Carlisle sat on the floor beside Dan, looking concerned.

"S-so, I...I just...I-I punched th-the wall. I-It w-was either th-that, or p-punch C-Car..."

I couldn't stand to do this. I _could not_ stand to see Dan in physical pain, _and_ emotional distress. It was all I could do not to hug him right then and there.

Concentrating a little harder than I needed, I wrapped Dan's hand in white surgical gauze. It slowly dyed the color of my blood, and I retched a little.

"Y-you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine." I can't _stand_ blood. After watching Dan get brutally murdered that one time, I just...ew.

I tied up the gauze tightly, and sighed. "Well, unless you feel like going to the emergancy room, I guess all you can really do is ice your knuckles. They've gotta be fifty shades of fucked up right now."

Dan laughed at my weak attempt at a joke. "A-alright...I'll...I'll ice it. G-go back to sleep, Drew...w-we'll be fine."

_He must feel awful._ I didn't have to work that day, so if I got to sleep a little longer, I wasn't complaining.

"Alright. But, you ice that hand. And if you punch _one more_ wall, I'm going to kill you."

Sometimes, it was really frightening to realize how..._fragile_ a twenty year old could be.

* * *

**AOF: I got the whole "Dan got so pissed that he punched a hole in the wall" from BiPolar Unicorn, who has actually done that and broken her knuckles on many, many occasions.**

**AOF: Her hand ain't never gonna heal.**


	29. Natalie?

**_== Knight of Space: Be a Couple Hours Later._**

When I woke up later, it was already noon. Vriska was out, probably combing the streets for a job. Dan was in the living room, watching Carlisle suck at some video game.

Vriska really didn't need to find a job anymore, though. Carlisle had gone out behind my back and gotten a part-time job from a high school friend of his whose dad owned a car shop, and it paid pretty decent money.

No matter if you take it sexually or not, Carlisle really seemed to be good with his hands. I guess his previous incarnate, Charles, wasn't **autoCraftsman** for nothing.

You know, this is a pretty morbid thing to think about, but Carlisle was more-or-less outliving Charles. I mean, the man died for the first time at 18, and that'd been willing; Carlisle had at least managed to cheat death the one time he _did_ try to kill himself.

_Thanks to Dan,_ I reminded myself.

Groaning, I finally climbed out of bed, and went to go brush my teeth. I always had _terrible_ morning breath.

After spending a couple of minutes brushing my teeth and then mouthwashing, I finally got dressed. I decided it was just a t-shirt and jeans kinda day.

Finally, the suspense killed me. I unlocked my phone, and went straight to Pesterchum.

**-aquaticGreenery [AG] began pestering arachnidsGrips [AG2]-**

**AG: vrisk where are you**

**AG: i just woke up and youre nowhere to be seen**

**AG2: Well, Janice snatched me up with J8son, and she took me off for some clothes shopping.**

**AG2: Right now she's looking for some dresses I'd look "cute" in. Ew.**

**AG: well you do dress kind of like a slut**

**AG: remember how jack used to think you were a slut**

**AG2: Just because I dress l8ke one d8esn't mean I *8m* one!**

**AG: that is literally the most bullshit excuse i have ever heard and you know it**

**AG2: Humph. Even my own moirail is against me.**

**AG2: 8oo hoo, Drew. 8oo hoo.**

**AG: well listen here you whiney little bitch**

**AG: if youre so upset about having to go bond with my sister or whatever then why dont you put the new stuff to use and you and i go out on a date**

**AG: you said it yourself we should try it sometime**

**AG2: Huh. I did, didn't I?**

**AG: well i dont see why 'sometime' cant be tonight**

**AG2: I don't seem to have any qualms, either...**

**AG2: Well, fine. I guess I'll go out with you.**

**AG: sweet**

**AG2: Movies, tonight? When I get back?**

**AG: text me so i can get a little better dressed**

**AG: right now you couldn't tell me apart from a hobo**

"Who're you texting, Drew?" I'd been standing in the middle of the hallway entrance, and Dan was staring at me. Carlisle even paused his game, which I know saw was _Smackdown VS Raw._

I shrugged. "No one." I made my way to the kitchen, to make myself a sandwich.

_You're going on a date with Vriska._ I took out a frozen chicken patty and a room-temperature burger bun. Quite a feast.

_You're going on a DATE with Vriska. _I put the patty on a paper plate, then put it in the microwave.

_You are going on a DATE with **Vriska.**_After a minute, I put the patty on the bun, and put a slice of cheese on it to melt.

**_YOU ARE GOING ON A FUCKING DATE WITH VRISKA._**Once my creation was finished cooking, I put some ketchup and mustard on that sucker and called it a day.

"Really, Carlisle? You're really playing wrestling?" I sat next to Dan on the couch. His little "boyfriend" was on the floor, hunched over the controller.

_Well, Drew, get ready. You're screwed._

My name is Andrew Charles Anderson. Up until I was twenty-one years old, I had never been on a date in my life, friendly or not.

**_== Knight of Space: Be Carlisle, Several Hours Ago._**

_== Carlisle: Answer a Call._

After Drew was back in bed, Dan told me the reason he'd been so upset. Told me everything. Including how Sollux had looked a _wreck._

Then, I held him there on the couch, and I let him cry and sob. Partly because of his hand, and partly because he was still upset because of Sollux.

_If that fucker comes by here trying to apologize, my fist's gonna go through his skull._ I didn't tell that to Dan, but I sure as hell thought it.

In the middle of our little feelings session, my cellphone rang. Sheepishly, I had to choice but to answer. It was an unfamiliar number.

"Y'ello? Carlie, baby, is that you?"

I flinched. It was a voice I hadn't heard in a while. "N-Nattie."

Our cousin, the twins' childhood best friend. Natalie Oak.

"Yeah, it's me. Natalie. Hey, is Dan there? Matt said you'd moved in with my friend Dan, and...well...look, I need to talk to him."

I looked up tentatively at Dan. The phone was on speaker, so he could hear. Dan nodded 'yes', so I handed him the phone.

"N-Nattie?" He sniffled. "Oh God, hi. Hi, Nattie."

Natalie laughed. "Looks like you've still got your foot in your mouth," She joked. "Anyway, Dan, I need to ask you a huge favor. Grampa, he...he kicked me out of the house last night. He found out I'm a lesbian, we had a huge blowout, and he just told me to get out."

Dan gasped. "O-oh, wow. Th-that...that's re-retarded. W-was your brother upset?"

"Hell yeah, he was. But, there's not room for me to move in with him. And with Daisy taking care of Grampa in that house, I'm running out of options to go to."

"I thought y-you were still dating Li-Lily...?"

"Man, we really need to catch up sometime. I haven't even _seen_ that ho since junior year. Anyway, and I know this is a _huge_ favor to ask, but could I stay with you guys for a bit? Just until I can manage to find a place to stay."

Nattie seemed to have recovered from this fast. Always was the resiliant one, that girl.

We all had "fabricated" memories of a high school education that never happened...except me, of course. I'd actually graduated. Matt had been his class's valedictorian(of course), but the rest had basically nothing special.

Anyway, Dan spent the next few minutes negotiating with Natalie. No, there wasn't any room in the apartment for her. Yes, Kathryn would probably agree to house her for a bit. Yes, the rumors about Kathryn's pregnancy were truer than the sunset.

_God. They really **were** best friends._ Dan and Natalie practically talked for an hour on my phone. I felt a little jealous, to be honest, because neither of them bothered inviting me in.

"Well, I'll...I guess I'll see you soon, Nattie." Dan hung up the phone, then finally handed it back. He was grinning. "She's gonna get a plane ticket and-"

"I know. Get to NYC as soon as possible." I pocketed my phone. "So, uh...I guess...I guess you're not...feeling so shitty anymore?"

"...Huh. Slit my throat and call me Signor Pirelli, you're right."

* * *

**AOF: I barely even *tried* with this chapter. I apologize, but I think I'm starting to run myself dry.**

**AOF: I've already written the beginning to a story I've had rotting away until this one is over and done with, but maybe I should put this story on hiatus and work on that one until further notice.**

**AOF: Thoughts?**


	30. Erivention

_== Carlisle: Skip Ahead to Next Week._

**_== Prince of Mind: Celebrate, Birthday Boy._**

"Happy birthday to me...happy _birthday_ to me...happy bir-ir-ir-irthday...happy birthday, to _me!_"

I don't want to sound more conceited than I normally do, but...well, I have a tradition of throwing myself my own birthday party. Starting with baking my own cake _hours_ before anyone else wakes up.

Now, of course, I'm not going to say I'm gay. I have a wonderful wife, and a child more beautiful than most models, for chrissakes. But, I will admit to being bisexual, and I'm quite a bit fruitier than the average bear.

Since I only worked at night, normally, I hated waking up early. But, on my birthday, it was just a thing. Even when I was a kid, I got up as early as I possibly could.

"Pfffft...Matt, you're 22, and you still insist on making your own birthday cake?"

"_Shit!_" I jumped about a foot in the air, dropping my batter-covered wooden spoon on the counter. If Janice had made me drop my bowl of cake batter, I would've been pissed.

Janice tiptoed into the kitchen from the doorway, grabbing the spoon and slowly licking it clean.

"Hm. Chocolate," She observed. "Ballsy."

I shook my head, laughing. "Damn, Janny. Y'scared me."

Janice rolled her eyes, getting on tiptoe to kiss me on the cheek. "Happy birthday, jumpy."

"Just get out a pan."

Janice helped me finish mixing the batter, and put the cake in the oven. We could work quite well together, if we put our minds to it.

Almost an hour later, we had ourselves a chocolate-flavored sheetcake, smothered in dark chocolate icing. Carlisle would have died just looking at it, it reeked of enough chocolate.

Janice and I sat in the living room, snuggled up with paper plates and plastic forks, eating my perfect confection. Thanks to the magic of Betty Crocker.

It was nice, sometimes, not having a big celebration. We all liked being together and that, but, well...sometimes, it's really nice for it to just be Janice and I.

"_Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!_"

"Shit!"

"I've got him, Matt."

Oh, and Jason. Can't forget Daddy's favorite little boy.

**_== Birthday Boy: Be Drew._**

**_== Knight of Space: Begin an Intervention._**

"Eridan, Dan, Carlisle...now that we're all here, I'd like to call this Erivention to order."

Eridan, sitting on the coffee table, scoffed at me. "This...this _w-what?_"

We were in our living room. The one in my apartment, I mean. Dan and Carlisle were sitting together on the couch(with a strategic amount of space between them, because Eridan was still clueless about their relationship), while Eridan sat facing me, with his back to them.

I cracked my knuckles, walking around the living room.

"Eridan, I heard from a little birdy that you and Kathryn have decided you're going to start a family," I explained, mentally thanking my brother-in-law for having a mouth bigger than his ego.

Eridan glared at me. "_So?_" He asked. "What does that hawe to do w-with anythin'?"

"Well, you guys've only been married, like..." Dan thought for a moment. "A-A month and a half. Don't you think it's a little _soon?_"

Carlisle cleared his throat. "And stupid," He interjected. "Let's not forget downright _stupid,_ Dan."

United together, the three of us were the International Board of "Don't Let Eridan Breed". Or the IBODLEB.

Eridan scoffed. "Cod, I can't _beliewe_ w-what I'm hearin'!" He stood up and headed for our apartment door, but Dan chased after him.

Shaking his head, Dan said softly, "Don't go yet, Eri. Just...hear us out, okay?"

It took another moment of convincing, but Dan managed to get Eridan back to the living room. He sat, sulkily, back on our coffee table.

"Alright." His fangs stuck out of his frowning mouth, almost menacingly. "_W-what_ do you _dipshits_ hawe to say?"

_Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table_

_As I look outside..._

Dan flinched at Eridan's expletive, but being his diplomatic self, took the first words.

"Eri...w-we..." He bit his lip, looking around the room. "Th-the three of us, I-I mean...w-we don't think it's s-such a g-good idea f-for you to...to..."

"To implant your _demon spawn_ into my _sister_," Carlisle burst out angrily. And rudely, I might add. "Is that what you were trying to say, Dan?"

Dan looked down. "Um...not in s-so many w-words, hon, b-but yes. That...that's the...the jist."

_So many things I'd say if only I were able,_

_But I just keep quite and count the cars that pass by._

Eridan scoffed. "Wh-why the dirtscrapin' fuck _not?_" He demanded.

"Oh, Ampora. Let me count the ways you'd be an unfit parent." I held up one finger. "You're mouthy and tend to have a short temper, which won't fly well with a toddler. Especially not _your_ toddler." Two fingers. "I know for a fact that you don't know how to change a diaper. _Kathryn_ changes Jason's diapers when he's with you two." Finally, three fingers. "What'll happen if you two split up? I mean, I'm surprised Kathryn's stayed with you _this_ long. I expected Katidan to be over with around Year One on the meteor. You two are completely _not_ meant to be together, and this may be my personal feelings in the way of my thinking, but it's how I feel. Understand, Eridan?"

Eridan sat there in front of me, just taking the words from my mouth without a correction. Dan tossed me a dirty look, mouthing _Subtlety, Drew._ Carlisle seemed to be the only one approving of what I was saying.

When I stopped to take a breath, Eridan stood up. He was an inch or two shorter than me, horns discluded.

_You've got opinions, man; we're all entitled to 'em._

_But I **never**_ asked.

"Drew, you went too _bloody_ far this time." Eridan spoke through a clenched jaw. It must've been all he could do not to punch me.

I smirked. "Why? Because you _know_ that you're not good enough for Kathryn?" Okay, I was overstepping the boundaries a bit. I didn't even have "those" feelings for her anymore, I just wanted to hurt Eridan.

"Take that back!" Eridan grabbed me by the neck of my navy polo, his other hand balled in a fist at his side. His eyes were filled with anger.

Dan stood up. "Eri...!" He warned.

_So, let me thank you for your time,_

_And try not to __**waste** any more of mine._

"Never," I growled. Eridan was pulling me down; my nose nearly touched his. "You'll _never_ be worth anything, Eridan, _especially_ not h-!"

He threw the first hit. Let go of my shirt and kneed me in the stomach, the right bastard.

"_Drew!_" Dan leaned over the table and pulled Eridan back by the waist to stop him from hitting me again._  
_

"_Let me go! Let me go, I'mma teach that rat _**_bastard_**_ a_ _lesson!_" Oh, if Eridan had hit Dan. I wish he had, just to add more fuel to my hate fire.

_Get outta here_

_**FAST.**_

Shakily, I got up. Eridan had hit me hard, knocking my breath out.

"Wh-what were you gonna do?" I asked, stumbling over my words for a moment. "Hit me while I was _down,_ ya coward?"

"_I am **not** a_ _coward!_" Eridan shoved Dan off, and came straight at me. I was prepared this time.

When Eridan raised his fist, I grabbed it and headbutted him between the horns, knocking him on his back on top of the coffee table. He almost landed on Dan.

_I hate to break it to ya, babe, but I'm not drowning..._

_There's no one here to save._

"_**Stop** it!_" Dan shouted. "For God's _**sakes**_, you two, _stop fighting!_" As per usual when there's a conflict, he sounded close to tears.

Carlisle held Eridan down by the shoulders. Eridan didn't even put up a fight; I must have hit him harder than I thought.

"Stop..." He agreed. "This didn't have to resort to _violence_, Drew, God..."

Did they not see what just happened? "Eridan came at me!"

"You prowoked me...!" Eridan protested weakly.

Dan checked through Eridan's hair. "Oh my God, Drew, your glasses drew blood...see what you did?"

They were _not_ antagonizing me. I couldn't believe this.

Without a word, I threw my stupid skin-splitting glasses across the room, heard them break, and left.

This had gotten too personal for my tastes, anyway.

_My own brother took Eridan's side over my own...shows how much thicker than water blood **really** is._


	31. Older Brothers

**_== Knight of Space: Be Matt._**

**_== Prince of Mind: Talk to Jackson._**

"Jack, you _better_ make this quick."

Janice and I had fallen asleep after performing a bit of action best described by Jeremih, but I was woken up by my cellphone.

"M-Matt, I n-need you to-erm, i-is this a bad time?"

Jack...was stuttering. He sounded crazy nervous. I felt horrible for answering so rudely.

Even though he couldn't see, I shook my head. "No, you're fine," I said softly into the receiver. "What's wrong?"

"Well, first of all, happy birthday, mate. Second, I need you to...I-I need you to c-come b-back down here pretty soon."

_Your baby blues,_

_So full of wonder..._

That didn't sound too unreasonable. "Sure, Ja-"

"Li-like, _tomorrow_, soon."

_Your curly cues,_

_Your contagious smile..._

"Hell no."

Jack was hyperventilating. Almost wheezing a bit. "Matt, please, you don't understand. I don't feel safe, living in this cabin anymore, living near that _lake_ anymore. I just _know_ she's going to come and...and...and do something to me if I stay here any longer."

I rolled my eyes. "What about that, like, Russian dude? Adrian?"

_And as I watch_

_You start to grow up..._

"I'm in the process of moving to New York, Matt. Adrian's already up there, moving what I chose to bring into our new apart-"

"Wait, wait. New York? New York _City?_"

_All I can do_

_Is hold you tight..._

"I would have specified a town otherwise, dipshit."

Jack and I spent a few more minutes arguing, but I agreed to go and stay a day or two. The time was 5:15 in the afternoon; he was going to call Adrian, already in the city, and ask him to pick me up at five-thirty and drive me back to Alabama. Adrian would do _anything_ for Jack, I realized.

_Knowing clouds will rage, and_

_Storms will race in._

"Jack, you're going to owe me big time for this," I whispered into the phone. I got out of bed and, phone between my shoulder and ear, began to dress myself.

"I know, Matt. Name any price, and I'll make sure I can pay it. Money _or_ otherwise." Jack hung up, sounding as grateful as I'd ever heard him.

_But, you will be_

_Safe in my arms..._

Sighing, I pulled out my suitcase from the closet, and began to pack. Two pairs of blue jeans, a few t-shirts, a few pairs of pajama pants. I threw in my laptop, charger, and my phone charger, and I was done with it.

Then, I went to our desktop computer, pulled a single, crisp sheet of paper from the printer, and carefully wrote out a note to leave for Janice to read when she woke up.

All that took 15 minutes. Two minutes later, there was a single, brusque knock at the door. I picked up my suitcase, placed the note on our dresser, and slowly trudged to the door.

_It's not like you're leaving forever, Matt,_ I reminded myself, taking one last glance at Janice. _You're gonna be coming back, real soon. As soon as possible._

Adrian was waiting outside in the hall, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. His ashen blonde hair was pushed up with hair gel.

"All ready to go, Mister Wood?" He bubbled.

I closed the door to the apartment after me, sighed deeply.

"I-I guess so," I said.

**_== Prince of Mind: Be One of Your Brothers-In-Law._**

_== Brother-In-Law: Be the **Knight of Space.**_

_**== Knight of Space: Sit Around and Angst.**_

"_Heeeeeeeey_, what up, my brother?"

"Dying of isolation. And don't talk like that, Vriska, you're not black."

Vriska, who had been at work earlier, finally came home to find me laying on my back on our bed, staring at the ceiling.

"What's wrong, Drew?" She asked, obviously feeling the tension in my voice. "Where's Dan and Carlisle?"

I sighed, pushing myself up to sit. "Oh, in _their_ room...hating me. I scraped Eridan's head today in a fight and nearly popped one'a his blood vessels with my glasses, so now I'm more of a pariah than Sollux."

Vriska scoffed, grinning. "Al-_right_...my moirail's a scrapper!"

"No, Vriska." I practically clenched my teeth. "No, _not_ alright. He always does this!"

Reaching behind her, Vriska pulled her long, black hair out of a loose braid and shook it out. "Who does what?"

"Dan! He's always taking Eridan's side! What, did _Eridan_ keep kids from beating the shit out of him in elementary school? No! His big fuckin' brother did, but I don't get _shit's_ worth of credit!"

Vriska chuckled, stripping down to her indigo undershirt and panties. "Well, you don't exactly have a _winning_ personality. Most people'd take Eri's side over yours because, honestly, he's gotten quite likable between now and eight or so years ago. If he weren't so exclusively taken, _I'd_ try for a date."

"You're supposed to be building my self-esteem _up_, Vrisk, not tearing me back down." God. My pathetic life sounded like Dan's _Minecraft_ game.

I flipped over on the bed, and laid there with my face buried in the comforter.

"Hey," I shouted, my voice muffled. "Hey, maybe if I lay here long enough, I'll die."

"Drew, we both know you won't stay there long enough to find out. Don't even _try_."

"Urrrrgggghhhh." I groaned, lifting my head and balancing on my chin. I could barely see; throwing my glasses earlier hadn't been my best decision.

After she got dressed, Vriska sat at the foot of the bed, tugging on what I supposed were boots. She threw something onto my back.

"Get dressed, you freaking lug. We're going out tonight."

I flipped over, again, and examined what she'd thrown at me.

One of my nicer-looking pairs of jeans, a navy blue camo t-shirt, and a pair of black socks.


	32. Wow, I Can Get Sexual, Too

**AOF: I miss getting reviews from all my gorgeous, sexy little Dreamers.**

**AOF: Where did you all go...?**

* * *

**_== Knight of Space: Be Matt._**

**_== Prince of Mind: Hold a Conversation with Adrian._**

"So, Mister Wood...Mister Fie...I-I mean, Jackson, he's told me about how you came into business of interacting with his mother."

I stopped playing _Minecraft_ on my phone. "Wh-what?" I stammered. "J-Jack told you about..."

"Yes...and, personally, I find it fascinating. You can really influence the decisions people make so easily? And the younger Mister Anderson, he can control time?"

We'd been on the road about an hour when Adrian started talking about Sburb. Up until then, we'd barely spoken a word to each other.

I laughed nervously. "I-I didn't know...Jack was so..." I thought for a moment, then snarled out, "..._informed_ about Sburb."

Adrian turned his head a degree or two, glancing at me in the passenger seat. "Oh...am I...am I being a little intrusive? I apologize. I was only curious."

"Oh." I felt bad for being so rude. "How did you and Jack meet, exactly, Adrian?"

"Oh? Oh, well..." Adrian tapped his fingers nervously against the steering wheel. "Oh, well, I came to America the same year Jackson had. Our freshman year of high school. A-and, well, I was not popular, and...well, he pitied me a little and b-became my friend because...because nobody else would, I s-suppose."

I'd known a boy like that, a lonely little blonde... "And why do you work for Jack? I mean, by graduation, I'm sure you made a few friends of your own."

Adrian bit his lip. "I could...I could not afford to go to college, even with a scholarship. Mister Fields...he was my saving grace. He struck a deal with his adoptive mother, that if she could pay both our ways through college, I would work for him..."

"But, by now, surely you've earned enough to be on your own?"

He shook his head. "I'm afraid not...I'm working for free, so my savings aren't nearly enough...but, Mister Fields is kind enough to give me food and clothes and a bed to sleep in at night. So, until I can afford to have my own life, this arrangement is perfectly fine..."

Adrian obviously didn't want to say any more about the subject, so I didn't ask him. I'd overstepped the boundary on intrusive questions, especially since I'd barely given him an answer at all while he'd bared his soul at me.

"Why don't you stop by a McDonald's or something?" I suggested.

Adrian looked at me again. "Hm? What did you say?"

I clumsily pulled my wallet out of my back pocket. "I-I'm starving. Stop by a drive-thru window, any place you'd like, and I'll pay."

Adrian pulled to a stop at a red light. He tapped his fingers again, humming.

In the meantime, my stomach growled. I laughed a little. "_Well?_"

"I think you are a nice man, Mister Wood...is Burger King okay?"

"Perfect. And for _God's_ sakes, call me Matt. It makes me feel old and _decrepit_, being called 'Mister'..."

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Vriska._**

**_== Thief of Light: Take Drew Out._**

"Vrisk, are you sure, ah, you wanna spend you money on me? I _could_ pay, y'know."

"Just shut up and order."

_You're so mean, when you talk_

_About yourself, you're wrong..._

Drew _knew_ I hated when he got...y'know, all moody. Because he's not such a terrible guy, you know?

We didn't go anywhere fancy, just some Mexican place. We sat in a booth in a cozy little corner, the whole place half-lit.

_Change the voices, in your head_

_And make them like you instead._

"Vrisk, why'd you decide you wanted to go out tonight...?" Drew asked in a low voice. "I mean...you don't-"

"What did I say about 'shut up and order'?" I countered. "And, you were looking pretty shitty earlier...I thought you might like a high point to your day besides surviving the night."

_So complicated, look happy,_

_You'll make it._

I ordered a taco salad, and Drew ordered four enchiladas with sauce. And I saw why, after I saw those tiny little things.

The whole time we were eating, Drew looked ready to run at any second. I knew he had a natural "fight or flight" tendancy, but when it was just the two of us, he usually relaxed.

_Filled with so much hatred,_

_Such a tired game._

We didn't talk much during dinner. But, afterwards, we went out for a couple of drinks. I figured a bit of liquor would loosen up those lips of his.

Of course, we didn't _drive_ home. I'd called a cab to take us to the resturant, and again to the bar.

We didn't get home until about ten, so I guess we'd been gone three, three and a half hours. Dan and Carlisle were holed up in their bedroom, and I don't know about Drew, but I could hear Dan raising hell clear from the living room.

"Oh, well, _that_ must be _Bonnie and Clyde_ now! Oh, I swear to Jesus Christ and Baby Moses, if they're drunk..."

Drew giggled. I turned to him and put my finger to my lips.

"Shhh," I shushed him. "Dan's _mad..._"

Thankfully, Dan was too disgusted with everybody he knew to come out and yell at us instead of poor Carlisle, so we were in the clear. Drew went in the room first, then I closed the door behind me when I walked in.

Now, remember, we both had alcohol in our systems, so my memory's a little fuzzy after that. But, I remember we made out, then our pants magically disappeared as we prepared to perform the horizontal tango.

**[[ um vrisk what the fuck are you talking about ]]**

Sex, Drew. You and I had hot, sloppy, drunken sex. Weren't you supposed to be the highly intelligent one?

**_== Thief of Light: Be Carlisle._**

_== Carlisle: Listen Patiently to Dan._

When Drew and Vriska came home from their night out, Dan had been ranting and raving, pacing around in his pajamas, for about...two or so hours. His voice was starting to get hoarse.

"Drew has always been _just_ like this! He'll go out the whole fucking night, not a text to be seen, not one fuck _given_ about if _I'm_ worried! I mean, _Christ_, besides the little posse we have going, the only real family we have _left_ is Momma and Mariah, they're all the fuckin' way out in goddamned L.A.! I thought _I_ was supposed to be the irresponsible one, not that retarded _asshat_ of a brother of mine! Fuck!"

Although I'll admit it could be pretty scary when Dan gets all worked up and aggressive, I can't lie. Dan was _hot_ when he was mad.

"Dan, why don't you sit down for a minute?" I suggested when he took a deep breath. "For chrissakes, you've paced this whole bedroom at least five times."

For a minute, Dan held that breath. Then, he exhaled slowly, sighing.

"I-I'm sorry..." He mumbled. "I guess I've been...pretty rude. Assaulting you with all my r-ranting." He sat at the edge of the bed.

Now, I loved Dan to death. To this day, I still love him. But, it just...his mood swings astounded me. One second he'd be furious and bursting with angry energy, then the next he's acting like he suffers from borderline depression.

In a bold burst of adrenaline, I sat up on my knees on the bed and wrapped my arms around Dan's waist from behind, pulling him closer to me. Normally, Dan was the, and I use this term loosely, "bold" one.

Dan turned around, looking over his shoulder his tanned face lit up bright pink. "C-Car?"

Feeling pretty satisfied with myself, I tilted my head forward a little, and kissed him on...well, the side of his mouth, actually, but I hadn't really aimed.

"You were too far away," I murmured, pulling back. Dan's hair, it smelled like shampoo. He must've taken a shower that morning.

Dan looked away, smiling his shy, dopey little grin. He nervously sucked on his bottom lip. "O-oh...u-um..."

Shifting on the mattress, I turned a bit so I'd be facing him, then I put my hand on the back of his neck and kissed him again, a bit rougher. Then, slowly, I pushed Dan onto his back so I could straddle him.

Grunting, Dan whimpered, "Car...what if Drew...and Vriska..."

Not wanting to stop just because they walk in, I leaned down and kissed Dan again, to quite him. This time, I was gentler.

"Dan, they are probably _wasted_. For all we know, Vriska already has Drew as naked as the day he was born right now." I lazily traced my hand around Dan's waist, casually slipping my fingers under the waistband of his sweatpants. "Please?"

Dan arched his back a little, rolling his hips to meet mine. I knew he wanted this.

"We...we have to be fuckin' _quiet_ Carlisle."

* * *

**AOF: Fun fact: the name of this chapter is also a song.**


	33. Love

**AOF: For any of you who are in the _Glee_ family and have not found out, Cory Monteith, our wonderful, beautiful Finn Hudson, has passed away.**

**AOF: Please keep this angel in your prayers as he settles into Heaven, and please keep his family and fiance, Lea Michele, in your prayers. Even if you're not a Gleek.**

* * *

_== Carlisle: Be Matt._

_**== Prince of Mind: Arrive.**_

"Matt...Matt, wake up. We're here."

Adrian woke me up at seven in the morning. I felt terrible for falling asleep, especially since he'd been driving the entire night. I knew he had to be twice as tired as I'd been.

"Oh. Umm...thanks." I unbuckled my seatbelt, and slipped my orange tennis shoes back on. I'd been barefoot most of the car ride.

I'd been expecting Jack to be sitting on the front steps of the cabin, he'd sounded so shook up, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen. With a grunt, I pulled my suitcase out of the back seat.

"Would you like me to bring that in for you?" Adrian's voice rang out like a gong.

I shook my head. "Nah. I just woke up, is all." There really wasn't much in it at all; heaviest thing was my laptop.

Adrian let me in, and with him following, I discovered a sight I never thought I would see. Or hear. At least, not out of Jack's flat screen.

"L..."

"Kira..."

"I will hunt you down, wherever you're hiding, and I _will_ eliminate you!"

"I am..."

"I am..."

"_**Justice!**_"

"Holy Christ on a crutch, man, is that _Death Note?_"

Jack was sitting on one of his couches, leaned over the coffee table, doing the routine you normally sing the Cup Song to with a blue plastic Mardi Gras cup. Meanwhile, he had an entire DVD box set of the anime _Death Note_ sitting on his DVD player, the second episode playing.

"_Ah!_" Jack jumped nearly a foot in the air, dropping his cup. "Fuck! M-M-Matt, you scared me."

It was obvious he hadn't slept a wink. Jack had bags under his eyes, and he looked pale. Paler than usual, anyway.

Adrian showed one of his infrequent frowns. "Jackson...have you...did you even...go to _sleep_ last night?"

"I-I could ask you the same question, mate." Jack stood up and stretched, cleverly hiding a yawn. "Yeah, I stayed up all night...but, Matt, this morning I dug up those DVDs you'd given me for Christmas, and so far-"

"You _love_ it, don't you?" I'll admit, I had a cheesy addiction to anime. I'm not ashamed to say it.

We all chatted for a few minutes, until Adrian decided he'd had better leave soon, otherwise he could've been driving well past midnight. Jack had offered ten times for him to at _least_ take a catnap before going, but Adrian refused.

The moment Adrian closed the door, I glared at Jack the same way Janice glared at Eridan when he was being stupid.

"Jackson Jonathon Fields, you're going to go to your bedroom and go to sleep _right now_."

"But...but Light just got challenged by L...!"

"Fuck that little two-faced, lyin' mo'fo, and _go_ to _sleep._ You look like shit."

**_== Prince of Mind: Be Sollux._**

**_== Mage of Doom: Contemplate._**

"Solly, I want you to know that we're put on one _hell_ of a limb here, letting you crash on the couch."

"I know...thankth, Kat..."

Kathryn and I hadn't really been "friends" since we were just teenagers. I was shocked she'd let me in after what I'd been putting Dan through, but she had.

I sipped at the cup of sweet tea she'd given me. "Ith...ith it true?"

"Is _what_ true?" Kathryn snapped, heading to the kitchen to wash the dishes from her and Natalie's breakfast.

"Are you really...having ED'th...baby?" I asked, hesitating.

Silence. Kathryn turned the sink on, almost violently, and let the water run.

"I don't know who told you that," She said quietly. "but, it's none of your business. Okay?"

I shrugged. "Hey, I wath gonna thhay congratth." I knew about the disaster of an 'Erivention' Drew had tried to put on yesterday. "By the way, how _ith_ Fithh Fathe?"

"They had him stay overnight at the hospital..." Kathryn shouted over the running water. "But, it wasn't too serious or anything. Drew's glasses didn't break a blood vessel, at least."

"That...that'th good." Although I'd never once approved of their relationship, I always tried my best to be supportive. "Hath...hath Dan-"

"Sollux, don't even go there. You _know_ Dan is dating my little brother." Kathryn, brusque as usual.

_Dammit. So I guess Dan really is over me._ I remembered when Dan came to talk to me, I remembered clear as day, but I was still in denial. However, at least my short bout with liquor was over, so I suppose I'd gotten a bit of closure.

Maybe Dan and I had never really been in 'love'...after all, there'd never been even a hint Dan had an attraction to me until he'd kissed me the first time. Maybe we were only fooling ourselves.

"Kat, can I have thome more tea?"

"You know where the fridge is, dumbass."

_Dan and Carlisle were destined from the beginning,_ I thought bitterly, standing up. _For fuck's sake, if you try and save a stranger's life for no damned reason, there's gotta already be a connection between you._

I'd never been the best at understanding love. Or, for that matter, people. Maybe I wasn't cut out for all of this...

_Jegus, do I miss AA._ Aradia would have known how to handle things. Aradia always knew whatever I didn't...

"Solly...? Are you...okay...?" Kathryn finished the dishes, and looked worried as she dried her hands.

I put my cup on the kitchen counter, and found I'd been crying. I didn't even remember crying.

"Yeah, Kat...I'm fine."

**_== Mage of Doom: Be Matt, Again._**

**_== Prince of Mind: Apologize._**

While Jack slept, I spent the next few hours on his couch, watching through Death Note. I got through to where Mello and Near found out about L and Mello freaked the fuck out before my cellphone rang.

I picked up the remote, and paused the DVD. It was Janice.

"_Matt, where the fuck are you!_" She didn't give me an opportunity for a greeting. "I fuckin' wake up, and you're nowhere to be seen with only a fuckin' note left behind! You better have an amazing goddamn excuse for this _bullshit!_"

Her shouting at me took my breath away. And not in the good way.

"J-Ja...Janice..." I stammered. "Jack really needed me last night. He had Adrian drive me all night to get here; they're in the middle of moving to the city...are you okay?"

Janice's breath hitched in a sob on the other end. "No, I'm not fucking okay! I fucking _needed_ you last night, and...and I was t-too upset...t-to call or...t-t-text..."

Hearing Janice cry, and I knew she was crying, was breaking my heart. Janice was one of the strongest women I knew, not to mention the one I loved the most.

"Janice, baby...tell me what happened," I urged after taking a breath. "_Please._ Talk to me."

I listened to her breathe in, then out. She did this a few times.

"D-Daddy...m-my daddy..." She took another breath. "Daddy d-died last ni-night...a-and they called me in t-to identify the b-b-body, b-because they had n-no records o-of my br-brothers..."

I almsot gasped. I pulled the mouthpiece of the phone away from my mouth, and mouthed, _Oh my God._

I had never liked Janice's father. He'd never liked me, either; never approved of our friendship. But, I respected him, having raised a daughter all by himself. I don't remember a single time Janice told me he had been dating other women after leaving her mom.

"Would...would you like me to come home...?" I asked quietly. "I could wake Jack up, and ask him to book me a flight or somethin'..."

"No." Her voice was firm. "No, Matt, if Jack needed you bad enough to ask you to go down there, then you oughta stay."

"Mmm," I hummed. "Are you sure? Because, at least, I think you and Jason should leave the apartment and stay with someone until I come home...I think you need a shoulder to cry on right now."

I felt terrible. I had no idea something, anything like _this_ was gonna happen...there was nothing I wanted to do right then except hug Janice, and Jason, and never let go of them.

"I'm going to see if the twins have a free spot on their couch, break the news to them...Matt? Matt, are you still there?"

"I love you, Janny...I'm sorry. I'm sorry about just up and leaving, and I'm sorry about your dad. I'll tell Jack we _have_ to be in New York by tomorrow night."

"Okay...I-I love you too, Matt..."

"I'll be home as soon as I can, and I'll do anything to make this up to you, baby. _Anything._"


End file.
